remember me

seventeen

Control

I woke up in the dorm at Hogwarts. Apparently my sisters found me and apparated us back to Hogwarts a day early. Good for me.

Also, Seraphina and Astoria apparently filled Camila in with everything that had happened, without my consent, and only minutes after I woke up Camila came knocking at my door with chocolates and a stuffed teddy bear.

I loved Camila.

"Luella!" She squealed, putting everything down on the bed and hugging me. "I missed you so much."

My head was pounding from blacking out last night, but it didn't stop me from smiling like an idiot and hugging her back. "I didn't know you would be back. Break doesn't end until tomorrow."

"I came before New Years." Camila shrugged, sitting down on my bed. For some reason Astoria and Seraphina weren't here. "How are you?" She asked cautiously.

"Better than you would expect." I say.

"Really?" Camila asked, her nose scrunching for a quick second.

Suddenly, after I said that, after I had woken up, it felt true. You know how people say you can manifest happiness? It felt like that. "Really." I nod my head. "Besides the awful joy of a hangover.-- Wow, do we have to get drunk together. It's so much fun, Cam."

Camila laughs. "Oookay, Luella."

I didn't care anymore. I wasn't going to let anyone be a fucking bitch to me right now. I've been through enough. I had fucking thought about hurting myself in there. I knew for a fact I would never let that happen again.

I won't visit the Greengrass estate anymore. I don't think I'll have to, anyway, not since my Father told me I was no longer his daughter. I'll spend the rest of my years at Hogwarts with Camila. It sounded good.

I won't sit at that side of the lunch table anymore. I'll sit with Camila and her friends.

New year, new me.

That's what muggles say, right?

It wasn't the fact that it was a new year. It was the fact that I was done with the fucking trauma. The torcher from my parents. The tormenting from Draco.

"I want a haircut." I blurt out.

"Oh- okay." Camila says, raising her eyebrows as a smirk crosses her face. "You sure? Because I can give you one right now."

"No. I wanna do it myself." I say impulsively.

"Are you sure your not still a little drunk?" She teases.

I sit up and my head strikes in pain for a moment but I brush it off. "Thanks for the chocolates." I say, pulling Camila into a hug.

A part of me wanted to cry and never come out of my room again. But I'm not weak.

Yes, I am. I just want to sob. Run away.

But I won't. I'll be strong.

I'm not going to let them send me back to the Necessarium.

To have so much control over my life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified of my parents.

Just now I'm a little less scared.

I think every girl goes through something and chops off all their hair, right? So why not do it?

I find myself walking to the bathroom and pulling out a pair of scissors from the drawer. In the mirror, I see Camila's eyes widen as her jaw drops.

Then I chop some off. And hell, did it feel empowering.

I have control of my own body. My parents don't control my entire life. I have control.

I cut another piece, and Camila's eyebrows raise even more this time.

I bite my lip with every chop. My hair had gone down to the beginning of the curve of my hips, but now it was just at my shoulders. The hair on the floor tickled my feet, but I was unbothered as I stared into the mirror, a smile wiping over me.

"I look like an idiot!" I burst out laughing, and Camila walks up next to me smiling.

"Let me fix it up for you?" She offers and I nod my head.

It was quite uneven, so when Camila fixed it, it was now just above my shoulders. I held back from smiling as Camila worked carefully on my hair, somehow doing a good job.

After a few minutes she set the scissors down and I just stared at myself in the mirror.

I have control of my own body.

"Holy fuck." Seraphina's eyes are sticking out of her head when I turn around to see her and Astoria standing in the dorm. "I love it."

We all start laughing as Astoria and Seraphina walk up to me to get a better view of my hair.

I have control.

hey my lovelies!!

sorry for the short chapter but i just needed to include luella being a bad bleep and finally finding some power over herself <3

i know she's being oddly bright after almost a week of torcher, but this is how she copes!!

and for anyone who has ever felt like they don't have control over their own body: YES U DO!!! don't let anyone ever tell you u don't. ur the one who decides what u wear, what u eat, what u do and don't let anyone influence that (negatively) bc ur a badass and don't need anyone bringing u down

anywayyy that was my little pep talk :)

i hope everyones doing amazing!!