It Can't Be Love

22

He chuckles lightly "Aah...no...I meant career-wise."

"Oh..." This is embarrassing. "I am good at physics and maths and interested in cosmos as well...so I'll join an observatory maybe."

"Yeah...that's good."

He becomes silent again and I re-concentrate on my reason for this meet-up.

I hear constant shuffling sounds from one of the bookshelves behind me. Nevertheless, I finish solving the questions and get them checked for correction.

Okay, that's enough now.

I pick up my open pen and throw it straight behind me, through the bookshelves from above the books, directly into her hair above the right ear.

She shrieks and muffles her cry almost instantly.

V sir looks up at the source of the commotion and spots her. She sees that she is caught and comes out with Prof V's gaze digging daggers into her.

"Care to explain your seemingly aimless presence behind this particular bookshelf for the last 30 minutes, Yuna?" I say coldly before either of the two people in front of me can come up with words.

She shoots me a loathing look and turns to the professor "Sir..." To hell with this honey-coated voice. "I was just looking for a book there."

"I am afraid I agree with Jiwoo's observation because, considering the size of the bookshelves and the accuracy of the labels, you should have found out the required book by now," Prof V speaks in a tone, matching mine in its coldness. "That, if you were really looking for a book."

She made a fool of herself again. Why is she so persistent in getting mocked?

"I am sorry, sir." Miss elegant Ponytail, some of whose hair strands I just knocked out, says looking hanging her head low.

"Miss Yuna, if you don't control your actions, I am afraid, I'll have to call your parents and report about all of this. And I am sure, you very well know what I mean." 

Oh my God! The usually calm Kim Taehyung just threatened a student into controlling her behavior. He is really scary sometimes.

Yuna scurries away.

Professor lets out a frustrated sigh and moving his hands aggressively through that silky hair of his, says "These girls sometimes really get to my nerves."

And I just sit there staring at the back of the retreating girl, annoyed at my target missing.

"That was a perfect aim, by the way." Prof V says, finally smiling again.

"Not really, I aimed for the center of her forehead."

"She moved so it didn't hit properly. Your aim was still perfect."

I look up to find his admiring little smile plastered on his face.

I am done with the queries but am not willing to leave. And he, well, he seems to have a lot of free time this evening.

Yuna's wildest dreams are materializing but, in front of me.

We start chatting about friends and how life has been at college. He asks some questions, most of which I never want to answer. He realizes my discomfort and lets go of the interrogation.

Silence again.

"Jiwoo..." I hear my name in his voice again and look up "There is one more question I want to ask."

I wait for him to complete.

"But if I do, I won't accept an I can't tell for an answer."

He gives me a piercing gaze while I decide to answer whatever he wants to know. I slowly nod.

"What about the feelings? Have you ever felt something...different for someone?"

The something in his eyes is what I am not able to comprehend. Is it hope or mere curiosity?

Whatever is it, I just can't give in now.

"I had a crush on a friend back in 9th grade."

There is recognition in his expressions and within seconds I realize the betrayal. Sungho told him the day they went for coffee. 

I am not complaining though.

Saves me from the pain when I'll speak...if the time comes. 

"I did all that not because he rejected me but because he insulted me. He could have simply said no." I say defensively, and a little too fast.

"You don't hear me blaming you, do you?" He replies. "I won't judge any of that."

After another moment of silence, he speaks "After that? Like ever again?"

This is where I can't let it out.

"I don't think so..."

That is a clear disappointment. I have no doubt now. The question is...

Why is it there?

"What about you sir?" I dare to ask.

"Back when I was your age, I had a girlfriend. She left for some personal reasons. Or at least that is what she said." He says without hesitation. Looking suddenly into my eyes, he continues "But I think, it is happening again, now..."

I am not able to pluck up the courage to ask who...It's most probably, not me. And I won't be able to handle myself again.

"Sir...It's getting late...I think I should go now..."

"Oh yes...yes."

"Thank you for sparing time for me, sir." I bow and start to walk away from my hidden table.

Just as I walk past him, he speaks making me stop. "Jiwoo..."

Okay, he hasn't stood up. He is still sitting. No need to trigger any safety mechanism goddamn brain!

"Please don't make it awkward between us because of what I asked just now. And forgive me for the intrusion."

"It's alright, sir. At least you have courage and honesty to ask and answer to those things."

I turn around and walk away as fast as I can, once again without waiting for his reply.

This is all I always do...

Run away.

Taehyung's POV

Very well done, Taehyung.

I facepalm myself as I am left alone in the light of the lamp, the voice of the footsteps fading away.

She, once again walking out of my reach.

Spill it all out like that and scare her away to where you will never find her again.

And no. I ain't as courageous as she said.

If I was, I would have told her by now...

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A/n: Hey guys! They spoke... as I promised. I hope you all like it.

Just now, "Life Goes On" MV dropped and I literally can't control my tears. Thank you, BTS for reassuring us yet again that you and we will always walk together. No matter however dark the night is, it will end at some point in time. And when it does, when the light comes in, you will find us smiling at you, you being the very reason for that smile.

Thank you, everyone, for sticking along through this. I hope every one of you is healthy and happy. I pray for all those who are not. 

We will make it through.

Thank you again for reading.

Love you all!