How Long Will I Love You?

Chapter 17 - Internal Conflict

                After a few days, she finally got exhausted of thinking too much. So she was keen on making herself believe that she had finally gotten over it and had learned to accept that Taylor loved her and no matter what happened, she would always choose her at the end of the day.

                But she couldn’t fool herself. Because ever since Pete came in the scene, she hadn’t shaken off the feeling that something would always be wrong with her and Taylor... no matter how much they loved each other.

-o-o-o-

                It was another day at Litchfield, Laura had just finished a scene. Taylor had been packed up hours ago but she decided to wait for her so they could go home together. She was sitting with Yael outside the psychiatric ward they were shooting in and Laura made her way towards them.

                They were talking about something but something caught Laura’s ear that made her stop. They had their backs on her and they still hadn’t realized she was just a few steps behind them.

                “I’m glad you two are okay now. I hate seeing you ignore each other like that. The aura around is so heavy.” It was Yael speaking with her Australian accent. Sometimes though, without realizing it, she would use her accent as Lorna Morello. It was a testament on how this job had affected all of them, as it had sometimes confused them with the characters they played.

                “I know. I hate it, too. I think that was the first big fight we had. It was the first one that went on for days and it was terrible. I don’t want that to happen again.”

                Laura felt bad that Taylor felt that. She felt the same thing and didn’t want it to happen again, too. She didn’t know why but there was something about listening to Taylor talk about her that felt good and scary both at the same time, so she stayed still, wanting to hear some more.

                 “So, that Pete guy, you were almost gonna marry him?”

                “Yeah. I always thought that him cheating was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because when that happens to you, everything good you think you know about yourself is suddenly gone. It makes you think so much less of yourself, you know. I mean, why else would they look for another person if you were enough?”

                “Well, aside from the fact that they’re stupid and that they’re assholes and can’t recognize that they’re with people who are already amazing?”

                “That’s exactly my thoughts now. Plus, I now get to be with the most amazing woman in the world. So, I see that now as a blessing in disguise... something I should probably be thankful for,” shrugged Taylor.

                “So what now, you’re not the settling kind of gal anymore?”

                Laura wasn’t sure if Yael was joking or not but she waited for Taylor’s answer, certain that it would matter so much to her.

                “You know what? I still am. I still want those things that I’ve always wanted when I was still with Pete. I still want a marriage... and kids and, you know, the normal life. It’s what I always wanted. I don’t think anything can change that.”

                Laura wanted to run away the moment those words came out from Taylor’s lips. It was that time when her mind went suddenly blank, except for a little idea that’s been forming inside it ever since that big fight with Taylor. It’s a dangerous idea that’s been screaming at her for a couple of weeks now but she was choosing to ignore it because she loved Taylor and she wanted to be with her. But at that moment, she could no longer ignore it.