How Long Will I Love You?

Chapter 21 - Living in Hell

                After the ‘talk’ that her mother gave her, Taylor surprisingly felt a lot better. Sure, they weren’t still as okay as any mother and daughter should be, but they were both at a whole new other place now, where they didn’t want to rip each other’s throats anymore whenever they would see each other. And it was good. She knew it was only a matter of time before they would totally be fine. She looked forward to that day.

                If there’s one day that she wasn’t looking forward to, though, it was this day.

                No matter how much Taylor didn’t want to see Laura too soon after their break up, they both worked together so it was impossible and she knew that. But it still didn’t remove the fact that she was so nervous today, more than she’d ever been. She wasn’t even sure if that was the right word for what she was feeling right now.

                Today, she was going to shoot a scene with Laura. She was up almost all night thinking of how she was gonna go through this scene. When she couldn’t come up with anything, she just closed her eyes and wished that the next day wouldn’t come.

                But it had to. And now she was on the set of Orange, waiting for her next scene, dreading what was gonna happen if they saw each other again. More so, if they needed to kiss each other, and a whole lot more physical than that, and show how much they loved each other, which was what their upcoming scene was demanding.

                It was when Uzo came and sat with her. “Hey, how you doing?”

                Taylor just smiled. She didn’t want to tell anyone else yet about what happened to her and Laura but then she realized they were going to find out anyway so she just decided to tell Uzo about it. “Laura and I broke up.” It was still painful just talking about it.

                “What?!” asked Uzo, surprised. “Why? What happened??”

                Taylor shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t know.” She paused. When she saw that Uzo was about to open her mouth again to say something, she cut her off. “I’d really appreciate it if we don’t talk about it yet, for now. I mean, it’s still hard.” Taylor looked down because she didn’t want Uzo to see the pain that flickered through her eyes.

                Uzo nodded. “I understand.” She then held Taylor’s hands. “I’m here for you, okay? All of us. Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, and you feel the need to do so, I’m just here. I got your back, sweetheart.”

                “I know.” She smiled genuinely. “Thank you.” She hugged her.

-o-o-o-

                When Laura saw Taylor arrive today, she immediately went inside one of the trailers and locked herself in there. She wasn’t ready for them to see each other yet. Everything that had happened was still freshly etched in her mind. If this was hurting her like crazy, she knew Taylor was feeling the pain twice as much. And she hated herself for that.

                After Taylor left, she went to bed and buried herself on her pillows, wanting to drown out everything that she was feeling at that time. She couldn’t cry and it made everything worse. Because she couldn’t let the pain out. It felt like there was an iron fist inside her, squeezing and twisting her insides, in a terrible fucking way.

                And then she realized that the woman she loved so much was gone from her life now. She was never going to arrive home from work again to see her waiting for her. She wasn’t going to wake up to her beautiful face anymore. She wasn’t gonna feel her lips on hers... her touch. And it was more than she could take.