How Long Will I Love You?

Chapter 18 - Decision Made

                “Taylor, we need to talk.” She blurted all of a sudden.

                “Aren’t we doing that already?” Taylor asked, confused.

                “I know. But... this is serious.” She kept playing with her fork absentmindedly.

                “What happened?” Taylor suddenly looked so concerned. She put her fork down and held one of Laura’s hands which was on the table at the time. “Is there something wrong??”

                Laura wanted to first explain why she was doing this. She wanted to make her understand because she didn’t want Taylor to hate her afterwards. But she couldn’t find the right words to say... because she knew that at that moment, there was nothing right to say.

                She stared into Taylor’s eyes and thought of whether she would be able to live a life without her in it. And she was scared that she wouldn’t. So before she could back out from this, she just went right on with it. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.” Ripped the band-aid right where it hurt.

                “Do what? Eat? But we just started. Are you full?”

                Laura didn’t fail to notice how Taylor had avoided her eyes when she said that. “You know what I mean.” She felt like a million knives we’re going through her at that time, just looking at Taylor, but she couldn’t stop now.

                “No, I don’t.” Taylor kept shaking her head, as if it was gonna make the swirling inside her head stop. “Because you’re not making any sense.” At that time, Taylor’s heart was beating so fast. “What are you really trying to say, Laura?”

                Laura swallowed the lump that was slowly forming in her throat. “I think it’s time for us to end this... us.”

                This time, Taylor had looked at her. “What? What are you... why... What??” Taylor couldn’t even form any sentence that made sense anymore. She felt like it was all going too fast. “Why are you doing this? We’re doing okay! What has gotten into you??”

                “Really? Do you really think we’re doing okay??”

                “Well, at least I am! Why?? Aren’t you?? Laura what the fuck is happening??”

                “Yes! I’m not doing okay. This isn’t working out anymore, Taylor. Let’s just end this before it hurts us way too much.”

                “Not working?? When did it ever stop working?? The only way that it’s gonna stop to ever work is when you get out of it, Laura. Is this because of Pete?? I thought we were over that??”

                “It’s not about Pete, okay? It’s about everything else and it’s making me lose my head. Taylor, this is... this is driving me insane and if it doesn’t stop now, I swear, I’m just gonna lose it.”

                Taylor did not speak. Instead she suddenly stood up and almost threw the napkin on her lap at the table. “I’m not... I can’t believe this is happening.” She started walking away as she ran her fingers through her hair.

                “Where are you going?”

                “I’m leaving. Because clearly, you need time to think. Alone. This is not over, Laura. It can’t be. I’m not gonna let it.” She paused, unsure whether it was right to leave now. “I’ll come back when you’re back to your senses.”