So Show Me...

Stigma

"You don't have to tell me." A look of disgust crosses his face, suddenly the floor has become very interesting to him.

Thankful that I don't have to go into details I push forward. "Christine hated me after, I could do nothing right in her eyes, and as her anger grew, so did the beatings."

The flashbacks hit me, and I feel myself shaking, I'm no longer that little girl. It's a mantra running through my head as I remember Christine dragging me by my hair out of bed, yelling that I'm just a dirty slut.

I feel Yoongi rest his hand on my knee giving it a soft squeeze. "Do you know what it's like being called a liar?" I suddenly blurted out.

"Me having issues as a teen, running away, people assumed that anything that came out of my mouth was a lie... They knew that! Christine and Ashton used it to their advantage." My voice quivers.

I close my eyes tight trying to block out the memories of me running away starving on the streets doing anything to try and survive for weeks on my own until they found me, and the cycle repeated.

I can no longer stay sitting. I stand letting Yoongi's hand fall off my knee as I pace in front of him. "This went on for years until I got caught by an undercover officer... Ashton and Christine were pillars of the community, had great lawyers and no one wanted to believe the girl who had a sketchy history."

Yoongi sits silently listening but still avoiding eye contact as I burn a hole in the carpet with my back and forth walking.

"It made it really hard to find work and to be taken seriously."

I draw in a deep breath and stop pacing. "People Google my name and see that stuff that's why I only go by Jelly. It's traumatizing when you're on the internet. Each view, every comment."

My voice grows quiet and I sit back down, my hands clenched tightly on my lap. "I feel like it's happening again and again to me." My tears threaten to fall again as I remember Ashton offering me to others... their hands that hurt me, how they recorded and took pictures

He finally turns to look at me. All I can see is the sorrow in his eyes, but I have to finish telling him I have to get it all out so I can breathe.

He gives me a small nod and I keep ranting "I have to go through each site and flag them to let them know it was trafficking. It feels like it will never end. I still remember the stacks of videos they kept."

My breathing is labored as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest. "The people who have raped me harmed me, I see them on social media..."

"They have families, all the smiles and happy pictures like they are innocent." I scoff at the thought of them hiding the true monsters they are.

"That's something I can never have because I'm broken, I can't let anyone get close, I can't trust anyone..."

"That's not true Jillian." He softly says scooting closer to me.

My eyes are blurred, the tears flow down my cheeks silently, my fists are clenched so hard I can feel my nails cutting the palms of my hands. "They never let it end Yoongi, they come back every few months to remind me and everyone else of what I've done, that I'm nothing but trash."

Yoongi pulls me into a tight hug, he rubs my hair and one arm has me pulled tightly to him. "You're not trash Jillian! You are so strong, smart, and beautiful. They can't hurt you anymore, I am here for you... We all are."

I shake my head at his words. "That's the thing Yoongi," I mumble against his chest. "They can, and if they can't get to me, they go after people I care about."

My hand clenches the front of his shirt as I choke on my words trying to get them out. "I-I've never quit l-looking over my shoulder for them. T-this was supposed to be a fresh start. I'm supposed to finally be h-happy."

I feel Yoongi tense as he holds on to me. "What happened Jillian? Why is Dani here?"

"How d-do you know she's here?" I ask not looking at him as I try to steady my breathing.

"Tae excitedly texted me hours ago about dinner at your place with her." He says letting me go to look down at me. "What happened?"

"They surprised her; I know they intimidated her... she told them where I am."

"Jillian..." He says tilting my head up to look at him. "We have to tell the others we will all figure this out together."

I pull away from Yoongi. "I can't drag everyone into my bullshit! They already threatened Dani I can't have them hurt you guys also! If you want to help...help me get out of here. Help me find a new place." I plead with my eyes as he crosses his arms.

"You can't run anymore Jillian." He says, reaching out for me.

I stand moving out of his reach angrily "I don't have any other option Yoongi!"

"You do have an option...you stay." His voice stern as he stands stepping closer once again.

"You stay here and let us help you face it. Do you really want your life to be about running? Never having a place to call home?" I lower my gaze, a lump forming in my throat at his words He's right.

Yoongi walks up and gently grabs my hand. "Let us be your new home."

He wipes the tears from my face as he offers me a reassuring smile. I no longer have any words my throat feels constricted, but I nod. He doesn't let go of my hand as he walks us out of the studio to face the future together as a family.

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I don't have any words for this chapter My Little Coconuts. I Love You All!