Ray feels content. They're lying side by side wrapped in sheets and Ray feels so content. Leo is swiping around on his phone. His eyes are twinkling and he looks so happy that Ray thinks this might be the perfect time to ask him.
"Leo?", Ray whispers.
"Hmm?", Leo doesn't look away from his phone but Ray knows he's listening.
"You said that you didn't deserve to be happy and you said that none of us were making your family happy and I was really confused about that. Why do you think so? You know everyone loves you and you're such a great person and I guess I just don't understand why you think you don't deserve to be happy.", Ray says in one long breath.
Leo starts biting his lower lip almost immediately. Ray hates that. He doesn't want Leo to be nervous around him. He needs Leo to trust him and talk to him.
"Leo?", Ray reaches out to hold his hand when Leo hasn't said anything for almost a minute now.
Leo sighs but lets Ray take his hand anyway. Leo thinks that maybe Ray will understand, maybe if Leo explains that he feels like he cannot absolutely be allowed to feel content and happy and in love unless everyone else also feels that way, maybe Ray will understand.
But maybe Ray won't. Maybe Ray will question why Leo feels like his family's happiness is loaded like a burden on him. Maybe Ray won't understand.
"I just said that I didn't deserve to be happy when Mick wasn't. He's my little brother and I think it's only fair to keep his happiness first.", Leo mutters.
"But Leo, Mick's situation was not your fault. And Mick is okay now and your dad is back home, I don't understand how all that is relevant to what we have.", Ray speaks with an urgency now.
Leo takes his hand away and sits back up. Leo feels like he's stuck here in this room now. Only moments ago he was possibly having the best night of his life and now he can't wait to leave. Leo stares at the wall ahead and lightly feels Ray tapping his shoulders but it's like that doesn't even exist for him any longer. All that exists are his thoughts, his failure to keep his family safe and happy, his constant need to be wanted by Ray, which is pretty pathetic to he honest, maybe Leo should give more time to his family than to himself.
Leo gets up without warning and exits the room with Ray still calling out to him softly.
YOU ARE READING
Always in My Head
RandomRay and Leo have been in each other's lives for so long that it's almost impossible to think that there is anything about each other that would surprise them. So when something does start surprising them, it's only a matter of time before they start...
