╰─ FOR YOU; jra

chapter thirteen

WARNING!
Mention of self harm and depression, read at your own risk!

"Dear diary, today has been the craziest day ever. A few days ago, I released a song called 'try me', it went viral! Literally! I have no idea what to do, it has over thirty million views and its only been like two days! This is so crazy. Thomas hasn't talked to me in a while but I'm going to text him today. Im so happy and scared and everything. How did this happen? I've gotten a lot of positive feedback and it feels really nice. I made a cake for my mom and she was really happy. I'm also planning on getting her a new car, because I love my mom and she's always been there for me. Anyways, I'll update soon, bye!"

"I remember when that song was a big hit." Jonah said once Corbyn had finished.

"Yeah, it's not that bad." Zach shrugged.

"Come on keep going! It's about to get good." Daniel pouted.

"Yeah yeah, you're right." Corbyn said, "Dear diary, I don't know what go do. I feel broken and used. My life has been going so well, it feels like that all vanished right before my eyes. I don't want to get into details, but after my song, try me, blew up, I gained immense popularity, basically overnight. But that's not the sad part yet. I was actually over the moon. Next, Thomas came over. He said that he had been getting some hate on Instagram because people knew he was dating me, and he blamed it all on me. He said that I was always crap and that he never loved me. Turns out, he also cheated on me multiple times. Everything he called me hurt me so much. That's not even the worst part. After he went home, I cried myself to sleep, thinking about him. I just lost the only person I had, and I thought he truly cared about me. But when I woke up the next day, my phone blew up, and it was because he started a rumour about me."

"Thomas lied and said that I cheated on him, and he had 'evidence' too, which he of course didn't post. Well if you thought that the hate I got was bad, just wait. I got tons of death threats and comments telling me to kill myself and calling me things like slut and hoe. I tried to deny it but no one believed me. I had my first ever panic attack. It was horrible. I've never really trusted people, and Thomas ruined it again. I really loved him. I dedicated so much time and effort to make him happy. I should have known that I was never good enough. I mean, why couldn't I learn from last time? I'm such an idiot. Obviously no one loves me, they all just use me and hurt me all the time. God, these people don't even know either of us but choose to believe him over me! Something's wrong with me. I'll let you know when I figure it out."

Cornyn finished the entry and looked up slowly to see his friend's reactions. They were all shocked, and deep in thought. Cornyn didn't know what to do so he kept reading,

"Dear diary, it's been a month and everyone still hates me. My songs still do very well but what's the point? I just wanted to make people happy by singing. Rumours about me are coming out daily, and it's practically a trend to hate me now. Obviously there a few people who are fans, but I just can't stand it. I'm just trying to make music, why does my life matter? Why do my clothes, my face, my house, my everything matter? I keep seeing hate comments everywhere. So much, in fact, that I'm starting to believe it. If everyone says it, it must be true. I probably am untalented, ugly and useless. My voice sounds like a dying rat. Thomas loves tweeting and reminding everyone on how I "cheated". I haven't come out of my room in three whole days. My mom is starting to worry but I just tell her I'm busy working on music."

Cornyn flipped the page and started reading more.

"Dear diary, this is a book for feelings right? Well I'll tell you how I feel. I feel like dying. I feel like giving up. I feel like i should do everyone a favour and just not live anymore. I'm nothing. I'm completely alone. Not even my mom knows. I wish I had friends to help me, but I don't deserve that. I don't deserve anything. I did something that I never though I'd do, but my positive, happy past self is gone. I found a blade and I used it. Physical pain is much better than mental pain. You can see it, feel it, and you know it'll go away becasue you see it heal. It's so much easier to deal with. It felt good, this is what I deserve."

The five band members sat in complete silence. None of them expected to hear that. What started as a fun mission, turned into them finding out Fleur's past. The one that was not full of lies.

Corbyn knew he shouldn't read more, but his curiosity was killing him. They were already in too deep.

"Dear diary," his shaky voice read, "It has been one month since my break up with Thomas. One month. I've spent most of it crying in my room, cutting and forcing myself to go to work. I couldn't let the few people who still enjoy my music down. I don't know why I keep going. I should just give up. I don't know if I'll write more entries, becasue I'm really trying to decide if I should satisfy the haters."

A/N

I'm sorry this is sad but it'll get better!

2020 nov. 14.