Beomgyu's Reasons Why [ BeomJun/ YeonGyu / TaeGyu ]

The One Who Loved

TW: Suicidal thoughts, tendencies. swearing.derogatory terms

Love. 

It's a word that holds so much power-- makes one vulnerable. Weak. 

It's the feeling Beomgyu thought Taehyun reciprocated. The feeling that his parents promised they felt towards him. The feeling that brought Beomgyu so much trauma, hardships, and pain.

Beomgyu didn't want to say nor think that he loved Yeonjun, because everyone Beomgyu loved would end up the same way. They'd use him, leave him. 

But he really did love Hoseok's better song. 

Yeonjun tried to get Beomgyu's attention twice. 

First, was when he introduced himself to Beomgyu in the practice room. Obviously, that didn't work out, but Yeonjun was determined to make Beomgyu his friend. Something about Beomgyu enticed and intrigued him, made him feel a fluttery feeling he'd never felt with anyone else before. 

Second, was when Yeonjun had this small instinctive feeling to call Beomgyu. The day after his dance practice.

Beomgyu locked himself in his own room, as usual. He didn't want to face anyone, maybe he was thinking of ways he could leave the world. The most painless way, he thinks he has been through too much pain already. 

Would pills do the trick? 

He walked towards his bathroom and opened the cupboard behind his mirror, taking out the bottle of pills. He uncapped the container, but before he could pour all the pills out onto his hand, his phone, which he left on his bed, rang.

Okay, one last phone call. I owe the world an explanation after I do this to myself. 

He closed the bottle and answered the ringing in his phone. It was Yeonjun. Right, he has saved the guy's number per Hoseok's request.

"Hello, hyung?" Came Beomgyu's hushed voice, his hand shaking with anticipation of what he was about to do. 

"Beommie!" The elder's cheerful tone made Beomgyu jump. 

"Why... why did you call?"

"I just wanted to talk. I don't know, it's kind of weird, but I have a bad feeling you're, uhm," Yeonjun fumbled for words, how was he supposed to rephrase 'I called because I feel like you're gonna do something stupid', "I just wanted to talk to you. I saw you yesterday, you didn't look okay."

Beomgyu responded with silence. No one has ever cared for him like that.

"Wanna talk it out?"

Beomgyu wanted to scold himself for answering almost too quickly, handing his trust too quickly, "Yes."

Yeonjun was insistent, annoyingly insistent, to meet with Beomgyu before they went to school. 

Yeonjun-hyung: Beommie, I'm outside. I usually bring my motorcycle but ig we can walk too, especially since idk if u have ever ridden one before

Beomgyu sighed upon reading the text message he had received. He hoped the elder would ditch him, but Yeonjun didn't. Beomgyu peered out his bedroom window, and saw Yeonjun, anxiously pulling at the straps of his bag, patiently waiting for the boy to come out.

Yeonjun was such a good guy, it would be a shame to lose him once he begins making cooler and better friends. TDC is a huge school, after all. Yeonjun can take his pick, Beomgyu was used to being left alone. Being with Yeonjun would only brighten his pathetic spotlight. 

Beomgyu would be lying if he said that the thought of Yeonjun hanging out with others didn't bother him. He didn't have the right to be bothered, he and Yeonjun were only acquaintances. They know each others names, know how to make each other smile even in the slightest-- but they weren't friends, even if they were in Yeonjun's head. Beomgyu would fade from Yeonjun's friend list as soon as he steps foot on the TDC campus, Beomgyu just knows it.