Beomgyu's Reasons Why [ BeomJun/ YeonGyu / TaeGyu ]

First Kiss

A/N: This chapter is a narration of what Beomgyu talks about on the tapes. Don't be confused. This is a flashback, until it returns to the format of Beomgyu's recording.

TW: Mature scenes that may not be suitable for young audiences. (Noice) Mentions of suicide.

Beomgyu could say there really was a time when he had feelings for Taehyun. At the very least, a crush. Who wouldn't? He was, for lack of a better term, perfect. Beomgyu couldn't detect a single flaw on him— from his test scores, to his voice when he sang, to his angled nose and pearl eyes.

It wasn't a challenge, wasn't an obstacle course to fall in love with Taehyun.

Love? It was just a crush, right? Beomgyu didn't know, it felt like love, though. There were things he wouldn't let anyone do with him, unless he was in love. Whenever Taehyun would send him a message of "Good morning" and "good night", and the infamous, "have you eaten yet? Take care of yourself."

Fucking fake words that made Beomgyu feel genuine things.

Beomgyu was the new kid, and ever since he met Taehyun, he didn't feel the need to go look for other friends to hang out with. He focused on his school works, and for him, Taehyun was enough.

The fact that Taehyun began to make moves on Beomgyu almost as soon as they met should've been the first red flag, but again Beomgyu was new.

He was the latest addition to the list of students in TDC High, new with almost everything. Beomgyu was an expert of nothing.

"No, you can't possibly think so low of yourself, Gyu-hyung," Taehyun spoke. Beomgyu was beside him in the student's lounge, they were discussing certain points in their study curriculum. Taehyun took time in teaching Beomgyu whatever technique he has learned to make solving math problems easier.

"Compared to you, Tyun? I'm a nobody. I can't even understand this simple formula," Beomgyu's voice was small, insecurities eating him up.

Taehyun's eyebrows creased in sympathy. "Don't compare yourself to me, Beomgyu. I'm sure there's something out there that you're skilled at."

Disheartening himself? Yeah, Beomgyu was really, really good at that.

"Stop flattering me... but I really,... we shouldn't even be seen together."

"Really?" Taehyun spoke, finger grazing his own chin, "I flattered you?"

Beomgyu's face heated up. "No! no, yes— I, not like that— shut up." Beomgyu covered his blush.

He heard Taehyun laugh and take away his hands from his flustered face. Taehyun's thumb traced lazy circles on the back of Beomgyu's palm. The blush has spread from his face to his entire body.

Taehyun loved the effect he had on Beomgyu.

The elder loved the feel of Taehyun's skin on his own, it was comforting. It reminded him that whenever he was with Taehyun, he was never alone.

But still, a black hole swallowed Beomgyu's confidence. "I'm wasting your time, Taehyun. I'm not worth it."

"Stop saying that."

Taehyun's words accompanied by him patting Beomgyu's fluffy hair almost made Beomgyu believe he truly was worth it.

-

He was worth it, because he was Taehyun's ticket to entering a team, a brotherhood that promised him security, both in the emotional and financial sense.

Beomgyu was quietly studying— rather, staring at the words printed on their school book, he wasn't absorbing anything.

Mostly, he was worried that no one would willingly partner with him in a project next week because, he had no friends. Loner.