I didn't mean to break you (clexa au)

t h i r t y t w o

Three months later

Lexa woke up to her body cold, the blonde who normally lay beside her was gone, and she had a good guess as to why. The two girls had the most perfect relationship they could've asked for. The only fights were about petty little things, that ended up in tickle fights or makeup sex. The two teens were hopelessly in love. Clarke had practically moved in with Lexa and it was brilliant. They'd drive to school together everyday, singing their lungs out to whatever was on the radio. They'd go their separate ways to classes and meet at break and lunch times. After school twice a week Clarke would sit at the field and watch Lexa playing football, occasionally drawing her beautiful girlfriend. Then they'd go home and do whatever they wanted, together. It was always together.

Soon after the night of Clarke's nightmare the blonde had sneaked out early one morning to buy Lexa a promise ring of her own, buying an identical chain to hers. That night Clarke had promised her whole life and heart to Lexa, and most importantly she promised to stay alive for her. The brunette was so proud of Clarke and how far she'd come from the shy yet defensive girl in the locker room. Both had learnt to open up to each other. Lexa had even braved going back to the street she'd grown up on when they were invited over by Abby. Clarke had told her they didn't have to go and she could explain it to her mother, but Lexa had told the blonde that if she was by her side then she could face it. And she did, she faced her fears that night, making Clarke and herself the proudest they'd ever been.

Three months down the line and everything was perfect, except for this morning. The morning Lexa woke up alone, without the embrace of the girl she truly loved. Sometimes she'd wake alone and find Clarke cooking downstairs or she would've left a note. But today was different and Lexa knew that. Today marks a year since Clarke's dad had passed away. Lexa had never pushed into the subject because she saw Clarke's love and admiration for her dad every time she spoke, and the unbearable pain that glittered in her eyes. But one night she had broken down completely and told her everything.

⚠️possible triggers - self harm, scars, drug addiction, cancer⚠️

Clarke's father was the perfect father. She only wished that he had noticed the scars that Clarke was to afraid to show. But Clarke loved her father so much. He was like her best friend, giving her little sparks of hope when she needed them. He might not have known what his daughter was going through but he was still the main source of comfort in her life. Two years ago he'd been diagnosed with blood cancer. And Clarke sat by and watched as he slowly slipped through her fingers. First losing his hair, then his energetic spark, then his will to live. And finally he lost his life, after a year of battling treatment that didn't work, he finally gave out.

In some ways Clarke was happy, happy that he wouldn't suffer any longer and he would find peace. But losing him tore her whole world into more pieces than she knew was possible. She turned to pills for relief, sneaking extras from her mother who worked as a doctor. And her mother never noticed, she took pills to numb the pain but it didn't work. So she found something stronger, something to make her feel anything other than pain. One of her friends from growing up saw her suffering and supplied her for free until he watched her spiral out of control worse. She had her supply cut off as soon as he had realised she was using it a lot more often than she should've. She suffered a few bad weeks without it, moving back to pills and cutting to feel something. Anything. But finally her mother made them move here, noticing Clarke's behaviours and helping her through as much as she could as a doctor, and her mother.

Today marked a year since she lost her father. And so Lexa was extremely worried to wake up alone. Her nerves proved right when she searched the house, no sign of Clarke. No messages or notes left, just the empty space of her jacket and shoes. Lexa didn't want to invade her personal space today, but she didn't want the girl to be alone either, especially not knowing where she was. So she left Abby a message asking if she knew where Clarke may have gone