I didn't mean to break you (clexa au)

t h i r t y

That night Lexa woke up to the sound of screaming, her beautiful blonde shaking, her eyes closed tightly. She began to panic as she sat up quickly pulling the girl into her arms tighter, running her hands smoothly through her hair watching as the girls breathing was still out of control. "Clarke, shh baby it's okay, it's a nightmare baby, your okay, I've got you." The brunette hummed over and over again as the blondes breathing began to even in pace. Lexa continued to stroke the girls hair, holding her tightly waiting for her eyes to flicker open. Finally the deep blue ocean eyes fluttered open, tears brimming at them immediately, searching for Lexa's comfort. "Clarke?" Lexa asked softly as the blonde lifted her tired head to meet Lexa's gaze. "I'm sorry Lex-" the blonde began to sob heavily, letting her head fall back down. Clarke let her body fall completely into Lexa's arms as she continued to shake and cry. "Shh baby I've got you, you have nothing to apologise for, just focus on your breathing," Lexa mumbled placing soft kisses on the blondes head, slowly stroking her hand across her cheek. After a few minutes Clarke's body had stopped shaking and most of the tears in her body had fallen, leaving her with only small whimpers. "What happened baby?" Lexa questioned, her voice the softest it had ever been. "It was my uncle all over again, but this time I couldn't handle it, i-" Clarke stuttered as she shook her head. "My heads dark Lexa, you shouldn't want anything to do with it or even me." The blonde croaked out, her voice cracking.

Lexa smiled sadly as she looked down at the girl who was breaking below her. The brunette wished she could take all of Clarke's pain upon herself, bare it so she didn't have too, because the innocent blonde didn't deserve any of the pain that had been inflicted on her. "Baby, I love you, all of you. We both have our demons, but we are stronger together Clarke. I love you and I want you. Only you." The brunette replied sincerely pressing her lips to Clarke's forehead. "In the dream, I begged him to kill me Lexa, but he wouldn't, not yet, not until he'd made me feel the pain that he felt losing a daughter." The blondes voice was hoarse as she spoke, a few shivers travelling through her body as she thought back to the dream. "Lexa, will the pain ever stop? Will it only stop when I finally lose my life?" The blonde sounded fragile, and as if there was a sense of need in her voice.
Lexa's heart broke as she heard these words fall out of Clarke's lips. She wanted to reassure the girl she loved that the pain would go away, and that one day everything will feel right, but she just couldn't lie to her. Not knowing that the pain could get worse like it did for her. Lexa herself wondered the same question, maybe more often than she should, but she never came to a conclusion, not until she met Clarke. "Clarke, baby-" Lexa stopped, drawing in a deep breath before she continued. "I can't promise you the pain will end, I hate that I can't promise you that. But I can promise you this: I love you Clarke Griffin, and if you'll have me, I want to stay with you forever. Clarke, the things you've been through have made scars, physically and mentally, but they do not define who you are, and they certainly don't make you any less beautiful." Lexa shifted so both of them were sitting up opposite each other, taking the girls hands into her own.

"Stay alive Clarke. I promise you, I will do everything I can do to keep you safe and help you heal. Together we can do anything." Lexa tore her eyes away from their joint hands, chancing to look into the glassy blue ones opposite her. The blonde sat still, staring at Lexa's face as she spoke. She watched as the brunette struggled to find the perfect words, her heart fluttering each time Lexa would shut her eyes for a second to regain control of her emotions. Clarke loved Lexa, everyone knew it. But in this moment Clarke was overwhelmed with every single feeling from her whole life in one single moment. But the blonde didn't break, she didn't break because she had Lexa.

In that moment Clarke knew Lexa was her life, and so losing her life would mean losing Lexa, and that was something she never wanted to happen. Blue met green, both girls searching for answers and unsaid feelings as they stared. "I want to live Lexa, because not living means not having you. And I want you, I'm so hopelessly in love with you, your all I ever want." The blonde croaked in reply, squeezing Lexa's hands tightly.

Lexa smiled back at the girl, still a hint of sadness evident in it. "Don't leave," the blonde added as Lexa let go of her hands and slowly stood up. "I'm not leaving baby, I'm never leaving," Lexa replies quietly as she made her way over to one of her draws, searching around for something.

She pulled out a little black box and walked back over to Clarke who now sat up, legs over the side of the bed, staring with a confused and scared expression on her face. Lexa let out a small chuckle as she stood in front of Clarke, slowly getting down on one knee. "Lexa what the fuck?" Clarke burst out, her heart thumping like crazy, she was confused as to Lexa's actions. God she loved the girl and wanted to call her wife one day, but this was too soon, they were still in school.

"Shhhh, let me speak, I'm not crazy okay?" Lexa laughed as she opened the box to reveal a thin silver ring, with three small crystals atop it, "Only crazy about you," she added with a grin. Clarke rolled her eyes with a small smile, now really wondering what Lexa was up too. "Okay, so I wanted to do this on a cute little date at some point, but hell, I can't wait any longer." Clarke raised an eyebrow, "Lexa-" The brunette cut her off, "let me finish, please." Clarke eyed Lexa and nodded after seeing the pleading look in her eyes. "This is not a proposal, because trust me, when that day comes it'll be really well planned and romantic because I'm a great girlfriend," Lexa giggled as Clarke's mouth dropped open, a small gasp escaping her lips. "This is a proposal of sorts though, I guess," Lexa fiddled with the box in her hands a little.

"This is a promise ring Clarke. I promise to love you, and care for you for the rest of our lives. I promise to take your problems and needs as my own, and hold you when you need me. I've never been sure about anything in my miserable little life," Lexa stifled a laugh, "but I'm sure about loving you Clarke Griffin. So, I ask you to take this promise ring. It's a symbol to remind you that your not alone, that you will always have me. I promise to never hurt you, only to love and cherish you. I promise to adore you, forever and always." Lexa finished letting out a long breathe that she didn't realise she was holding in.

Clarke's eyes were once again filled with tears as every perfect word fell from Lexa's beautiful lips. When the brunette had finished speaking she stood up, moving closer to the girl as her hand drifted to Lexa's hot cheek. Clarke tilted her girlfriends chin up to look at her as she smiled through her tears. "I love you too," Clarke whispered quietly, watching as Lexa's nervous face turned into a genuine grin. Clarke reached out for Lexa's free hand, pulling the girl up so their bodies were close. Their faces only inches apart, the heat between them rising quickly.

Lexa took a step back so that she could see her beauty. Slowly the brunette pulled out the ring and revealed that it was on a chain. She gestured at the blonde to turn around and the girl obeyed, lifting her blonde locks up so Lexa could clasp the necklace around her neck. Once she had clasped the necklace Lexa placed a small trail of kisses on the back of Clarke's neck before turning the girl around to face her. Lexa's soft hands stroked along Clarke's defined jawline, rubbing smooth circles on her cheek, wiping away the last of the salty tears.

Lexa took a step forward, their bodies pushed up together, their warm breaths on each other's faces once again. "Lex-" Clarke groaned as Lexa's hands trailed towards the girls hips. She leaned forwards placing her lips on Clarke's full ones. Clarke let Lexa lead the kiss for a few seconds before her own hands trailed up to the back of Lexa's head, kissing her back. Though the kids was slow and gentle, full of love and raw emotions, the feeling of each other's lips set off a fire within them both. Slowly Lexa pulled away to take a breath, leaning her head against Clarke's as she closed her eyes, their noses touching lightly, placing her hands on either side of the blondes cheeks. "Clarke, I promise you, even if it's the last thing I do, I'll help you learn to love yourself."