Unstable Loyalties

Chapter 33

The flame covered ocean-- 

No, not here again... Lightning gazed around. The surface of the water slicked with oil and stained red with blood. 

Why am I still here? Haven't I been through this enough? The flames crackled and hissed as they parted, creating a pathway. Lightning felt herself walking forward, against her will. 

What... what is this? Wait... isn't that... me?! Lightning is just staring, watching 'herself'. Her mirror looked so cold and merciless, killing anyone that came in her way. No... She sees herself killing Bismarck, the blood oozing out as the light fades from the battleship's eyes. No...

"No!!!!" Lightning jolts awake, sweat running down her face as she stumbles to the bathroom, splashing the water on her face. It felt so real... Is that really what I am?  A cold-blooded, merciless killer? A... monster? Lightning sobs, the tears running down her face silently. What should she do? What did people see her as? 

"I expect nothing than your best, or else..." Devastator's voice echoed in her head. The tears blur her vision as she walks to the window, resting her head on the ledge, trembling as she cries, all the water behind those walls slowly draining out, soon to be filled once again. She had to be strong, not just for her, but for everyone else. Lightning had to be strong, even at her own expense. She couldn't fall now. This bridge she was balancing on was as thin as a hair, the deep, dark inky abyss lurking beneath, ready to consume her. 

She could not afford to fall, not now. If she did, she would probably never be able to climb up. She would never return. This just felt so impossible sometimes, trying to withstand everything even though it seemed that all hope was lost. Lightning felt so... strained, exhausted. not physically, but mentally. She couldn't perform well like this but without everyone... she just felt so lost. 

Lightning missed more than her friends, she missed her family. The 'bots, the battleships, her sisters, Enterprise. Heck, she even missed Flare being an idiot. She would give anything just to see them again, for them to help her crawl out of this deep dark abyss she was slowly being consumed by. She buried her face in her hands. Lightning just... didn't know what exactly to do. At first, she saw that small light at the end of this black, unforgiving tunnel but now... the light was gone.

She couldn't bear to end her life, not because of herself, but because of what everyone would think. That, made herself a coward, to her. Oh how she hated those words. She hated being a coward, a burden, an outcast. Lightning was fighting desperately, against herself. She didn't want to lose this battle, didn't want to give in to the tendrils of darkness in her mind. 

She had to win this. But how? How could she do it what she herself wanted to give up, right there and then. She was barely holding herself together, that beast inside her seeming to grow stronger everyday. Lightning could feel herself shattering within, the walls she had created, crumbling to dust. Lightning closed her eyes, internally crying out for help before she blacked out.

"Lightning... you have to be strong..." Lightning opened her eyes. That voice... she hadn't heard it for so long. Tears poured down her face as she looked up to see her parents. 

"Mom! Dad!" she sobbed, racing up to them and hugging them tightly. 

"Oh Lightning..." Her mother sighed, stroking Lightning's hair gently. 

"To see the pain within you, the suffering, and not be able to do anything, this makes us feel so helpless." 

"Lightning," her father spoke softly, "You are stronger than you think, you just have to believe in yourself and fight. Win this, Lightning, defeat your demons." Lightning just nodded, the tears still streaming down her face. 

"There's someone you should meet..." her mother trails off as  a familiar figure steps out of the mist. 

"Yorktown!" Lightning ran towards the white-haired woman, sobbing as she held Yorktown tight. 

"Lightning... I don't blame you.. All I want for you is for you to win this fight, bring freedom. Go now, Lightning, do what you do best. Fight."  

"We'll always be watching... and when the time is right... you will know what to do."

Lightning's eyes opened slowly. She blinked, seeing the light streaming in from her window. She missed them so much. But now, she knew what they meant. She could not back down, could not give up. She was Lightning, she would never ever give in. She would fight, fight until there was nothing left, fight until her family was safe. Safe from everything. She can see herself now, tightening the shackles on the beast deep within her, locking the cage securely, turning her back on it.

She was in control, she could be what she wanted to be, not let it take over. She watches, watches as the walls reappear, stronger than ever, more solid than she had imagined. Lightning sees herself on the battlefield, her movements graceful, powerful, in control yet merciful. She will win. She will not succumb. Now, she sees herself, gripping onto the edges of the chasm, swinging herself out of the darkness, running towards the light. Lightning would be strong, she needed to.  

Now, there was one question left. Where did her loyalties lie? She contemplated this. What did she want, exactly. Peace and freedom, mercy, honour, loyalty. And the answer is before her very eyes. She was not born into it, she never was. Everything was her choice. And this choice, where did it lie? Within the thinly veiled shadows or out in the clear, pure light? She had to chose, this will determine where her loyalty lay.

 And it would never be divided, split of derailed again. She looks up, her electric blue eyes bright as she steps out of the shadows, into the white light. She was Lightning, not Storm, and she had made her choice. She would be strong, although not invincible, she would try. For everyone. For herself.

Yay!!! Another completed chapter! Time to take... a rest... *gasps* *wheezes*

~Lightningstar out