CHAPTER 3
The next morning, she did not eat chocolate pancakes with Meg and Jacks. Instead, she ignored the hospital fare, eggs, toast, oatmeal. What was the point anymore?
Matt had spent most of the night standing by her bed, her hand in his, his hand smoothing at her hair. “It's going to be alright Jules,” he had repeated many times, as if trying to convince himself as well as her. But it hadn't turned out alright, and now he sat in a chair across from the bed, his bleary eyes staring at the wall beside her. Aside from speaking quietly with a doctor, and later with Dan on the phone, then putting on a smooth fake carefree voice over a phone call with the kids, he had not said much.
Later, there were more phone calls. The guys calling with condolences, and offering to cancel the remaining shows, but recently, tragedy had hit Bobby as well, his wife undergoing several surgeries, bills had piled up. Jules was the one that had held firm, begging Matt not to let the guys take the loss of money that canceled shows would bring.
That afternoon, she was released from the hospital, and boarded the plane as they flew to the next show. Aside from the bubbling chatter of the kids, the plane was quiet, the somber group staring out the window, at anywhere but each other. Matt always maintained contact, a hand on hers, or her wrist, or simply his shoulder against her's.
“Jules,” Helen met them at the airport a day earlier than intended and clasped hands with her, murmuring her condolences. Jules managed a nod for the middle aged woman, and a weak appreciative smile, as the toddlers threw themselves at their aupaire, hugging at her knees until she knelt to their height.
That night, she stood at the side of the stage, watching Matt go through the robotic motions of a show. He never smiled, never chatted between the songs, and never sent a secret gaze her way. She knew when he went into the last few of Jewelweed's most popular, that he was doing so because there would be no encore. Sure enough, with a wave, he left the stage, curved an arm around her, and escorted her down the stairs.
Bleakly, she wondered if she would ever walk down the stage stairs without remembering. And if every step seemed torture, every flash of a camera was worse as the guys did their interviews. None of the guys partied the night after that show, and it was odd to walk the halls of the hotel with the entire group. Dan pulled her into a hug, before going on into his room, and that seemed to be the ice breaker for the rest of the guys. She and Matt were pulled every which way, with pats on the back, and well meaning words.
Helen had stayed awake, when normally she went down with the kids so she could wake easily with them. When Jules refused her kind offer of anything, the sweet woman disappeared into the kids room . Matt had showered at the coliseum, and he went straight to the liquor. The clink of ice against glasses was heard as she passed. Detouring long enough to hover behind him, until the mix was made, she, like him, downed it, and waited for another. Then taking the fresh drink, she closed in the bathroom.
Matt shucked out of his clothes, down to his briefs, and although the room was chilly, didn't bother with the flannel pajama bottoms he mostly wore in the winter months. The remote was conveniently placed in a holder on the corner of the night stand, and he reached for it after carelessly tossing the carefully folded bathrobes from the foot of the bed into a heap on the sofa. Flipping through various tv screens, without touching the muted volume, he absently listened to the shower run.
And run, and run...
Three or four drinks later, he tried to speculate how long Jules had been in the closed up room, and ten minutes after that, deduced that at least an hour had to be coming up. Somewhere between the bed and the bathroom, he ditched the empty glass, unable to count what number he was on anymore and breathed in relief when the door was not locked.
Letting himself into the steamy room, he took in the closed shower curtain and running water, inquiring gently, “Cari? You okay honey?”
From inside the tub enclosure, Jules pulled her hands away from her face, long enough to give him an affirmative answer, and listened for the door to close again, but the next sound was a stream hitting the water in the toilet bowl. After the flush, he seemed to be lurking, and her suspicions were confirmed when the shower curtain eased back.
From her position, huddled on the porcelain, she raised her head, but was too numb to be embarrassed at being found huddled on the floor in the corner of the shower. “I'll be out in a second.” The quiet words were meant to assure, and she met the dark eyes that stared down in sweet sympathy, but he spread his hands with a proffered towel.
Giving in, she moved to him, allowing herself to be cocooned in the terrycloth shroud. Pulling on some random something from the suitcase, she joined him, propped against the headboard, staring sightlessly at the tv, sipping at a fresh drink.
“I'm ready to be home.” She said, simply for something to say. Because in all their years together, there had seldom been an awkward silence, but tonight's was quickly becoming that way. Truthfully, she didn't care about being home any more. What difference was home going to make? No matter where they were, they were still in the midst of this horrible thing.
“We can go. Now if you want. Just say the word Jules.”
That promise, so husky and sweet moved her, and although she still had not cried, her eyes now felt achy. “It's two more shows, not ten. I'ts okay. Really.”
He moved, his mouth touching the side of her head, and his fingers soothingly smoothing at strands of her hair. Eyes falling closed, she enjoyed his sweet attention, and when his actions picked up in intensity, she thought nothing of it. The kisses in the crook of her neck and the arm that worked it's way into a python squeeze around her waist felt like things he was taking for his own comfort. Lips trailed to the hollow of her throat and down. Still, he seemed to be in his own world, and she blanked onto the silent moviestars on the television screen, letting him have his consolation. Her fingers even slipped into his hair to massage his scalp, the silky tresses more familiar to her fingers than even her own hair. Feeling the dampness of his tears on her skin, she held him tightly to her and they tried to sleep.
Once they had checked into the new hotel the next day, Matt had a meeting with the guys. The last show of the tour would be the next night. Jules dispassionately left Helen to tend the kids, and closed herself into a bedroom, where she lay all afternoon. Sleep never came. Matt never came until much later. Rebuffing his inquiry of supper, she peered around, surprised to find that aside from the bathroom light shining into the room, it was dark.
“You sure honey? You should eat.”
“I can't,” Bunching the pillow, she turned away.
He left, but no sooner had she closed her eyes than he was back, the door clicking closed, and the soft rustle of clothing sounded. When he stretched out with her, she stiffened.
Last night, she had been closed off, but had taken his comfort, even giving back with what last vestige of emotion she had, but tonight she did not want to be touched, comforted. A coldness had settled inside her, all feeling seeming to have been left in that last fateful city. The press of his lips was her undoing, and she pushed at him. “Not now.”
His lips hovered just above her throat, and he stared down into her eyes. “I wasn't after anything...” Brushing at her hair, he assured, “I know we can't...and I wouldn't ask you to...”
Shrinking back from his next hug, she used her arms as leverage between them again. “Matt? Don't?”
Raising his head, he rested his forehead on her shoulder. “I need you.” The breath was warm through the thin satin fabric of her blouse. He needed to be held by her. “I need you to...”
“I need you to, not.” Sorrowful, she broke on the last negative word, and waited without moving a muscle for his response.
The words settled silently around them. Opening his eyes, he viewed the smooth skin, and the contrast of her hair where it was caught in her neck . Pushing away from her, he left the bed, bending as he followed his clothing path. He expected her to say something, anything, but she stayed silent. Hurt but curious, he allowed himself one look back, and found her eyes on him. Hesitant. Sad. Holding that look, he waited, but he had nothing more to say at this time, and obviously, she didn't either. The fact that he made it into the hall without any objection from her was just as hurtful. That she didn't care, if he were there or not.
The show last night had been unbearable, and he was not sure how he had gotten through it. Half of it he didn't remember. And there was one more to go. The shows went on. When Meg had been really sick. When Jacks had taken stitches from falling around a hotel pool. When Jacks' birthday fell on a tour. All with not only Jules encouragement, her insistence. Now, the hardest of all, the loss of what would have been their third child, and Jules still said go. Not only the show must go on, but for him to go. Away from her.
He found himself in a cab, riding aimlessly around, after a stop at the liquor store. The cabbie was happy to exchange talk, but after a half hour, it died down, and he followed Matt's request to just drive. At one point, he asked to be paid, when the bill rolled past a hundred, but after that, Matt was left to his thoughts.
Regarding the shows. Sure Bobby was in desperate need ot the money. But Matt would have gladly handed over the difference and canceled the shows. It was a lot of money, and it would have made things tight around the house, until the next something came through. But he didn't mind tight. What he minded was entertaining thirty thousand fans, while a giant hole had been poked into his world.
Jules came from money though. Maybe she minded tight. Maybe she worried that they would have to let the maid go, or sell a vehicle, or not buy a new winter wardrobe for her or the kids, or not redecorate in the spring. Was that Jules? Was that her reasoning behind pushing him? The thoughts grew bitter, but once he had paid his cab fare with three Benjamins, and crawled back into bed beside her, he calmed.
'I would never want to change you...' Isn't that what she had said about his career choice. 'I never want to be the one that gets in the way of what you want to do...' Reaching across the large bed, he pulled her to him, and peacefully closed his eyes when she didn't resist.
The heavy atmosphere lightened, miraculously, once they were home. Jules, with Helen's help, made the kids Halloween costumes, and together with Matt, they walked the neighborhood, trick or treating. Putting them to bed was no easy feat because of the sugar consumed, but they finally succeeded. Giggling like kids themselves, Jules and Matt raided the plastic pumpkins, quickly getting a sugar high themselves.
“Three tootsie rolls for that roll of sweetarts.” Matt bribed, and Jules quickly agreed to the chocolaty trade. “Trick or treat?” He asked at the height of their sugar rush and she looked up from her current candy's paper to see that special glow in his dark eyes.
“Trick!” Abandoning Meg's pumpkin, she vaulted the sofa table sprinting for the bedroom. They were still in the same modest home, and took a trip to Destin when they wanted to live like rock stars. However, the garage had been converted with an upstairs efficiency apartment for Helen whenever she stayed over. “Shhh you are going to wake up Meg and Jacks,” Jules hissed through the door that she and Matt were currently warring with their body weight over. When his strength easily won out, and he eased into the room, closing it behind him, she put the bed between them, and demurred sweetly, “Did I say trick? I meant treat...”
“You are lucky,” With a bound, Matt was on the bed and pulled her with him. “I have both tricks and treats up my sleeve...”
“Sleeve?...”
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Star Gazing (Bonus Scenes Matt & Jules, Jack)
सामान्य साहित्यMatt and Jules Loren are celebrity parents. Going into it, they know that raising their children on the road will not be easy. Before that first baby bump, they vow to never let the price of fame or money be the separation of their little family. Wh...
