𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘸𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦 - fugio fanfic

chapter sixteen

CW / TW ;; religious trauma

giorno giovanna;;

there i sat.

in the car, with mother and her boyfriend. shaking in my seat as we drove closer to the church.

"m-mother..? what are they gonna make me do?" i cautiously asked, "where am i gonna go?"
she turns to face me. she exhales sharply.

"confession does not take place in a confessional, but normally in the main part of the church itself, usually before an analogion set up near the iconostasion." she explains. "on the analogion is placed a gospel book and a blessing cross. the confession often takes place before an icon of our lord, jesus christ. and do understand that the confession is not made to the priest, but to christ, and the priest stands only as witness and guide. before you begin confessing, the priest venerates the gospel book and cross, and places the thumb and first two fingers of his right hand on the feet of christ as he is depicted on the cross. you will probably have to read an admonition warning to the priest to make a full confession. you may not hold anything back."

i quietly nodded, i could feel my fear growing stronger. if only i wasn't so careless.

-

we arrived to the church. i slowly got out of the car while my parents angrily slammed their doors and waited for me.

my mother snatched my hand and we all walked into the church.

we walked into the main area of the church and i saw my priest. i could hardly look at him.

"well, look who we have here! great to see you all." the priest crouched down my height, "goodmorning giorno, you certainly look handsome! here to steal all the ladies, hm?" he joked.

i felt a pit in my stomach when he spoke. i didnt respond to him.

"go ahead, giorno. tell him." my mother demanded.

i slightly looked up at the priest,

i looked up at her, hoping to gain her sympathy. but she only stared at me harsher. i sighed and looked at the priest.

"i like a boy.. like like him." i muttered, it was loud enough for him to hear.

he smile dropped and he became more serious, he stood straight up and whispered something to my parents.

my mother moved me up to the analogion. i looked up to see the iconostasion, filled with plenty of paintings of jesus. i gulped at the sight of the paintings. i knew jesus didn't like me.

i looked at the gospel book and small cross that were on the analogion. i sighed, i saw my parents watching me and the priest also watching.

there was a small slip of paper that also laid on the analogion. i assumed it was the words i should say.

i looked back at my parents, with a concerned and confused face. they motioned for me to read.

i cleared my throat and looked back at the wall that had the jesus paintings all over it. it felt like he stared right at me.

i take a shaky breath,
"help me, god my savior, for the glory of your name, deliver me and f-forgive me for my sins for your holy name's sake. lord, i pray that you remove my guilt and w-wipe away my sins so that i can draw closer to you. with you there is forgiveness so that I can, ..."