In-Between

Chapter 38

"Really? Well Natsu must've not told you my little secret then."

"No." She sighed. "No he told us the whole story."

"Some friend he is." He said glumly. "Can't keep someone else's secret."

"Not to sound presumptuous but I didn't think you'd mind if we knew something like that about you. You don't exactly show any regret when you frighten people."

"I didn't mind if you all knew at first but..." He trailed off a little before talking again. "But after living with you girls for about ten years I...I guess I started to like you two and I didn't want you to be scared of me."

"I don't understand. I thought you liked it when people were scared of you."

"I like the respect it gives me and I like that it keeps most of them from trying to piss me off but once you get down to it...And I don't know why I'm telling you this but...Once you get down to it if everyone is afraid of you then that means no one wants to be around you. At least not unless they can get something from you."

"So that's it. You're lonely." She deduced.

"Lonely? Well I wouldn't take it that far but it does get a little annoying once in awhile when pretty much everyone flees at the sight of you. That's why I haven't obliterated Natsu yet. Before you and Lucy came along he was the only one who didn't freak out whenever I walked in. Granted I think it's because he's too stupid to recognize any real threat but yeah."

"So we're your only friends? Us three and Wendy?"

"Sadly yes."

"But what about those undead and if I may say fairly indecent prostitutes who threw themselves at you the other night at the club?"

"They don't want me. They just want the idea of me. Besides some of them are into that whole kinky torture thing and I don't work that way."

"Well Gray there's nothing wrong with feeling lonely and wanting friends. What I don't understand is if you feel that way why frighten people?"

"To be honest I don't know. When I first woke up I didn't know what the hell was going on. I didn't know who I was, where I was, and all I could feel was just rage and sadness and I was mad at everything and everyone. I wanted the whole world to hurt for some reason and I didn't know why. My mind was completely swamped. Almost like a black out and by the time my head finally cleared I had already developed a reputation and I figured that the person they all feared must've been who I really am. So I made myself what into what you see now. A ghoul who terrifies and tortures people."

"And that's who you want to be?"

"I was happy with it for awhile and I know you're going to think this is really sick but it's the truth, I liked the idea of hurting people. Don't ask me why because I don't know. But then one day it just stopped. It stopped seeming amusing and I realized that it never really made me happy."

"What stopped these feelings?"

"I don't know." He lied. "Look I'm not going to sugar coat this for you sweetheart, the truth is I'm screwed up. I'm damaged beyond repair. I don't know what happened to me in life but it just broke whatever sense and sanity I had. And no matter how hard I try I can't get passed it."

"Maybe you just need a little help." She gently put her hand over his which made him flinch a little.

"I don't understand you. I just confessed that I'm insane. That during the first years of my afterlife I enjoyed terrorizing people and yet you're not freaking out! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm a little insane too but despite everything you've told me, despite every twisted thing I've seen you do and believe me I've seen a lot more of that than you realize, but despite it all I really don't believe you would ever hurt me."

"Why do you believe that?"

"I honestly don't know. Call it an instinct or a feeling but somehow I know you won't hurt me. Or Natsu or Lucy or Wendy. Am I wrong?"

He didn't answer. He just turned away from her and spoke again without facing her.

"Can you go? Please?"

"Alright." She reluctantly agreed. "But know this Gray I'm not afraid of you. I never have been and I never will be."

If he still had a heart it would be pulsing like crazy. Truth be told what really stopped those sickening feelings and made him realize just how unhappy he was, it was her. He couldn't figure out how or why but after getting to know her it was like every dark feeling and desire in him was gone. Completely erased.

And when he finally returned home it had become night and everyone was asleep. Well almost everyone. Wendy had woken up to use the bathroom and on her way back to her room she thought she heard the sound of crying coming from the empty flat. It was a quiet and calm sort of crying but still definitely an expression of sadness.

Worried, she opened the door to the flat, went up the stairs, and followed the sound of silent weeping. She didn't make a single sound when she moved so he didn't see her standing in the doorway but she saw him clear as day. There in the center of the room was Gray cradling a sleeping Juvia in his arms while shedding tears of great sorrow.