Travelogue || Namkook

15. Over the edge

"Joon, can I talk to you? Alone?", Yoongi asks in between their snow fight. Namjoon furrows his brows, confused. He looks back at Jungkook who nods, a soft smile on his face.

Namjoon turns back to Yoongi with a smile. "Okay, let's go to that diner place near your house. Jungkook can go back to the hotel and rest", he suggests.

When Namjoon drops Jungkook off at the hotel, Jungkook gives yoongi a subtle but encouraging smile. Yoongi smiles back, although a bit hesitant and a lot scared. Jungkook squeezes his shoulder in sympathy before waving to them both and checking in the hotel.

Once he reaches their room, he quickly lands on the bed face first. "I'm so tired", he mutters to himself. His mind wanders back to Namjoon and Yoongi and he starts wondering what they might be doing.

Did Yoongi managed the courage to tell Namjoon? What did Namjoon do? Did he tell him (gently) that he didn't feel the same? Did he tell him that they could've been something more if Jungkook wasn't in the picture?

Jungkook shakes his head at the thought, rolling around to lay on his back instead, a fluffy pillow squeezed to his chest. Honestly, he doesn't feel anything about it now.

He would've felt bad or even insecure if he wasn't dying in a few days, as creepy as that sounds. If Namjoon likes yoongi even a little bit, he'll let them be together, even give them his blessings. Because, well, he does want Namjoon to feel loved even if it's not by him.

Besides, Yoongi is a nice person. If anyone can love Namjoon more than him, it's Yoongi. Jungkook has no problem in handing his boyfriend to Yoongi to love and care for.

Sighing, Jungkook stands up from the bed, feeling exhaustion seep in his very bones. "I should call Hyung", he says to himself and picks up his phone from the counter. He dials Taehyung's number.

It rings once, twice, thrice.... seven times, but Taehyung doesn't pick up. Jungkook huffs and decides to call Seokjin instead.  Unlike Taehyung, he picks up in a second.

"Kook, hey! How are you?"

"I'm good! How are you guys?", Jungkook says, feeling a little excited. Feels like it's been too long since he's talked to his hyungs even though they literally met last week.

"Ah, Tae and Hobi are not good", Seokjin says solemnly.

Jungkook's brows immediately shoot up in worry. "Why? What happened? Are they okay?", he asks, concerned.

"Someone in school told Hoseok about, uh, what's actually happening to you and he's not taking it well, I guess. He keeps crying and because of that, Tae keeps crying, too", Seokjin replies.

Jungkook sighs. "Would it be better if I came back?", he asks.

"No, Jungkookie. You should focus on yourself. Besides, I don't think they're gonna take it any better if you... you know... if you're here when...", Seokjin trails off.

Jungkook understands what he wants to say. "Yeah, I get you. You're right. How's Minie?", he asks, changing the topic. His heart soars when he hears Seokjin chuckle.

"He's trying to walk nowadays. And keeps failing miserably, if you were wondering. Every time he falls, he pouts and lays on his back for a while before continuing", Seokjin laughs fondly.

Jungkook laughs with him. "I'm glad atleast someone's having fun without having their days ruined by me", he says a little self deprecatively.

"Hey! Don't talk like that about my brother in law", Seokjin reprimands.

Jungkook chuckles. He can literally hear the scowl in his voice. "Alright, alright, I won't", he assures.

Seokjin hums. "Much better. Now, do you want to talk to them?", he asks gently.

Jungkook thinks about it before shaking his head, belatedly realizing that Seokjin can't see him through the phone. "No, it's okay. Don't wanna bother them. They'll be even more distressed if they talk to me", he sighs.

"Fair enough, darling. Stay safe and have fun. We love you and we miss you", The sad smile in Seokjin's voice transcends through the phone.

Jungkook smiles back, just as melancholic. "Love you all, too. Okay, I'm hanging up before I start crying", he says, voice cracking as he quickly ends the call, not giving Seokjin a chance to reply.

He throws the phone on the nightstand and curls up on his pillow, tears leaking out of his big, brown eyes, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

He thought it wouldn't affect him anymore. His death, that is. But turns out, he was wrong all along. It affects him just as much as the first time he heard about it. His heart aches. Not for himself, but for the people he'll be leaving behind.

"Why me?", he whispers, soundless cries leaving his parted lips, tears staining his now chubby cheeks. This is so unfair. He's so young yet he has to go. Why does he have to go? He has never hurt anyone, not intentionally atleast.

Jungkook cries so much his eyes hurt, chest aching. He doesn't open the door for the room service, not even replying when they knock on his door, ring the bell, shout for him.

Instead, he lays on the bed, not really sobbing but tears still keep streaming down his eyes. It feels like he can't control his mind. Just a thing as small as Seokjin telling him that they all love him has thrown him over the edge.

He just feels numb over the covers, staring out of the window, wishing that he could somehow forget all about his disease and live life to the fullest. He would rather choose to die suddenly than to live with the burdening knowledge of knowing that his death is nearing. It's surreal. And not in a food way.

Just when his eyes start burning, trying to flutter close, he hears a click from the door and that smooth, honey voice that he has come to associate with love, warmth and comfort.

"Jungkook? Baby?"