Classes were finished for the day, and I made my way down to dinner with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I was walking next to Hermione, occasionally smelling old books, fall, and vanilla. I loved the way she smelled, I wish they made candles like that. I sat next to Ron at the Gryffindor table, and we all started eating. We were talking about how lessons had gone that day, when Harry abruptly said, "(y/n) fancies someone." My eyes when wide, and my cheeks flushed pink. Ron and Hermione both eyed me curiously. "I- I never said that," I said, my eyebrows raised. "I can tell when you're lying, (y/n)," Hermione said while giggling. I loved her laugh, I could listen to it on repeat.
"Who is this brute, exactly?" Ron said, making almost intense eye contact with me. "Yea, you've never told us you fancied anyone before, who is he?" Hermione said, realizing that within my 5 years at Hogwarts I'd only ever had feelings for one person. "I have no idea, but he made her potion explode today," Harry said. I knew he was trying to get on my nerves. "It's no one, really, just a small, stupid crush," I said, trying to downplay my feelings. It was so much more than a 'small, stupid crush.'
"Whatever you say, (y/n).." Hermione said. I knew she was not going to let this go. I filled with dread at the thought of her questioning me, I'd never intended on actually admitting my feelings to her. I suppose a part of me always waited for the feelings to subside, but they never did. They only grew. Finally, the subject changed. We started talking about OWLS and lessons, again. After a while, the academia talk bored me, so I finished up eating and said, "I'm going back up to the dorm, I'm a little tired," I got up as I said goodbye to the three of them, heading toward the Gryffindor common room.
I went into the room I shared with Hermione, and I plopped down on my four-poster. This year was going to be interesting, I knew that the feelings I held for Hermione were only going to grow, and at some point, I would have to tell her. Maybe just to get some closure. Then there was the nagging thought that confessing my feelings would only ruin our friendship. Did Hermione even like girls? My thoughts were interrupted as Hermione walked into the room.
"What a day, right?" She asked, walking to the trunk on her bed. She began to unpack it, putting her clothes and books away. "I suppose so, I'm pretty tired," I said while turning to face her. "I'm still helping you with your arithmancy homework, though," She said, eyeing me. I sighed, and said, "Well, you did say that." "What can I say, I'm true to my word," She playfully shrugged and walked over to my bed. She sat down and picked up her arithmancy book. I let out an annoyed groan, walking to get a piece of parchment.
She walked me through the lesson, surprised that I hadn't retained much information from it. I finished my work rather quickly, I thought the material was easy enough. Hermione closed the book, looked up at me, and said, "So how about the guy you fancy?" I was disappointed that she remembered. "Really, it's nothing, I don't know why-" I stopped talking as she put her hand on mine. They were rather soft, just like I'd imagined. "It's okay, (y/n), you don't have to tell me if don't want to, but you can trust me, okay?" She said this while giving me that soft smile she always does. I smiled back and nodded my head. She got up to go back to her bed. "What if-" I stammered.
She turned around to look at me, confused, "What if what?" she asked. Was I really about to come out to Hermione- right now? "What if, it's a girl? I murmured. I don't think she heard, as she said, "What?" I looked down at my socks, not daring to make eye contact. "What if, the person I fancy, is... a girl?" Nothing happened for a second. Internally I was screaming- what did I just do? Then, Hermione sat on the bed next to me, and I felt her arms around me. "You know I'd never think any different of you. This is great, I'll love you either way," She said with her face buried into my shoulder. My mind registered what was happening, and I hugged her back. Her hair smelled faintly of coconut. She was so warm, I wanted this moment to last forever. "Thank you," I slightly whispered. I could feel my eyes well with tears.
Why was I crying? I wasn't sad- maybe this was just an emotional moment? She broke away from the hug, her arms still on my shoulders. My heart sank, I wanted her to keep hugging me. "I'll be there for you if you decide to tell the boys," She said. She paused, noticing my tears. She cupped my face with her hand and wiped my eye with her thumb. This would've been such a great moment to kiss her. It was so tempting, her hand on my cheek, my hand on her hand. "Thank you, Hermione, I mean it," I said as I sniffled, and smiled at her. "Anytime, (y/n)," She said, standing up. Our touch had been broken completely. "I suppose I should let you sleep, you said you were tired," She smiled at me again, and went back to her bed. "Goodnight," I said, and she nodded in response.
I changed into my pajamas. I laid back down on my bed, and I was amazed at what I'd just done. I just came out to someone, I hadn't really planned on doing that anytime soon. It just seemed like an appropriate time- I couldn't stop the words from coming out. I scratched at the skin on the back of my hand. I typically did this while I was deep in thought, which was lately more often than not. I tried to sleep, but it didn't come easily. I stared at the ceiling, pondering everything and nothing at the same time. I knew my world was going to change, for sure. If it was good, however, I didn't know.
I realized that sleeping was going to be harder than it usually was. I had so many thoughts crowding my brain. I pulled my journal out from under my mattress. I'd placed it there when I'd first arrived, after Hermione had left the room, of course. The pages were full of entries dating back to 3rd year. I was half-way through this journal, and I already had a completed one full of pointless ramblings from 1st and 2nd year. I would simply pass away if anyone ever found this- I had written every detail of my crush on Hermione in it. However, I was smart enough not to name her specifically.
I knew this was stupid, but I knew I'd want to look back at it someday. I assumed that Hermione was nice enough not to go looking through my things, especially not under my mattress. In 3rd year I'd described the new feelings I had, and that was special to me. I began to write out the evening's events, and how my crush on Hermione was growing. I'd taken up 2 pages without even realizing it. How many thoughts did I have?
YOU ARE READING
Granger Beloved
Fanfiction(Y/N) has had a crush on Hermione Granger since their 3rd year at Hogwarts. Her feelings are growing, and there is a nagging inside of her telling her that her life is about to change. For better or worse, she doesn't know. (y/n) and Hermione are be...
