A slip of the tongue. A rare but very foolish mistake. I took my mask of a reserved smile I always put on in these occasions only for a second and uttered a few words to the wind when he happened to come for me as I was standing in the balcony.
Someone calling my husband's name caught me by surprise and when I did turn around, there he was. A shocked expression and another marked his features for a split second then disappeared as quickly as they came.
And it pained me. Surprisingly.
My actions were always measured. My expressions, schooled and mostly stoic. My words, if I ever said a few were all well-thought out. It was more because of a need than my preference. The consequences of even the slightest error was grave. Far from it just ending with my life there were a few others that were also at stake. And it goes without saying that my family will be one of those.
But at that time, more than the fear of anyone dying. More than the fear of afflicting those around me with the gravest of misfortunes because of my carelessness, a different pain is making my chest hurt. And the need to clarify those few little words were pressing.
I was about to explain when the person who called my husband spoke again urging him to come with him and ushered him away. He was gone before I could mouthed a word.
Bothered, I immediately went back inside and looked for my husband. When I did found him, I walked towards his direction with as few big steps as possible without looking ungraceful and stood by his side. I smiled thinly to the person he's talking to and said a few words to excuse the both of us. When the guest smiled and said it was fine, I held my husband's hand as I led him away and almost drag him into one of the empty rooms.
Once inside, I pushed him to the wall and rested a hand on his shoulder, my other one was on the wall behind him just next to his head.
"What are we doing here?", my husband was the first to speak.
"We'll talk.", was my short reply.
"There's the couch. Let's sit while talking."
"I don't want to."
The words left my mouth before I can even use my filter. And it surprised the both of us. I never once denied my husband of anything. Not before this.
"Someone might walk in on us.", he added. His is always the voice of reason.
"I know. And I don't care. We're married. It's not like you're compromising me."
I felt an unfamiliar heat rushed up to my face as I said the words but didn't move from where I stood.
"If this is about what I heard earlier in the balcony then might as well just forget about it. No need to say another word. It's an arranged marriage anyway. I understand if you feel that way."
I know I shouldn't. But I still did. Tiptoeing, I closed the distance between us and sealed my husband's lips with mine and didn't let go right away. When I did, I looked him in the eye before planting another quick peck.
"I hate it."
"W-what do you mean?"
My husband looked dazed but managed to ask after sometime.
"I hate it when you say that about our marriage. I hate to even utter the word myself."
"That it was arranged?"
I let off a sigh and nodded.
"I wish things were different.", I said the same words I said back there in the balcony. Then added,
"I wish you weren't of royal blood. I wish I weren't born a poor aristocrat. And most importantly, I wish we weren't forced to marry the way we did. Because I know I would have married you even if you just simply asked."
A long silence settled after. No one moved and time seemed to have stood still with us. My eyes were downcast as I can't look my husband in the eye after what I've just confessed. When a few moments passed and I still haven't heard from him, I started to take my hand away that rests on his shoulder but didn't manage to completely remove it as he suddenly enveloped me in a warm embrace.
"Let's get married again.", he said with the softest voice.
I can't help the smile that escaped my lips after hearing those words while at the same time I feel fresh tears start to gather in my eyes. Trying not to cry I decided to tease my husband instead.
"You need to come up with a better proposal than that."
My husband only laughed before he said,
"I will, my love."
-END-
11.07.20
Saturday
