our own complexity

XII

     "Heavy because it wants me to scream and tell everyone how much I love you."

     "I have been quiet for too long."

     "I am in love with you, and I probably will be until I die,"

     "Because I am sure destiny has something in store for you and me."

     "We are tied together."

     And as the song was ending, Polly gave the public one last look, eyes worried, then sighed. She got off the stage and started walking towards someone. Quickly, she was near the camera, just in front of Neels and she did something I never ever thought would happen. She extended the bouquet of lilacs to him, arms trembling, and his face looked confused and flushed. I heard May gasp in the video, and so did I as I was watching. My heart stopped. The song ended but everyone kept quiet, waiting for the guy to give an answer. I was dying inside, why was he taking so long to say yes? And at last, as if hearing my internal pleadings, he smiled and nodded, taking the bouquet from her hands. The crowd exploded in a mix of Aws and cheers. They hugged, and then Polly left rather quickly. The video stopped.

     I looked up wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Neels. He was just smiling like a child and held up the bouquet. That's what was behind him whenever I first saw them.

     "No fucking way," said Julian behind me but I looked at May. Her smile wide.

     "Crazy, right?" May replied while retrieving her phone and chuckled. "Would've never imagined it."

     "What the fuck does that even mean, Princess?" Asked Neels offended. It felt like my world was spinning out of control.

     Neels and Polly together. Polly hating me. Me loving Polly. Me falling in love with Julian, maybe. Me destroying my relationship with my mom. And as much as I was mad at him, I felt a tug in my uniform skirt and I looked back at Julian. His expression communicating with me and no one else.

     Are you okay?

     I nodded and sighed, covering my face with my hands. Maybe only having Julian would be okay. Maybe he was all I needed. Or maybe not. I was so confused.

     At that moment, Julian's friends walked out of the gym's doors and he stepped a little back from me. I froze and looked at the scene. May had a frown on her face.

     "Julian, bro, where have you been?" Asked one of his friends, then they looked at me with curiosity splashed on their faces.

     "Around, you know. The show got boring." He shrugged, looking all cool. Eyes a hundred miles away from where they were just seconds ago.

     "You're the one that made us come in the first place, man." The other guy shook his head. "It got interesting near the end. Congrats, Neels, by the way. How did you do it?"

     "Why is it that everyone is surprised I pulled a hot chick?" He asked, again offended. I almost gagged but didn't say anything or laughed when everyone else did. This was not only some hot chick, it was Polly. Polly with the sincere eyes and hair like a night sky.

     "Well, let's go, Julian." I looked at him but he didn't look back. Then, he nodded at them, hands buried in his jeans' pockets. They walked off. I watched them walk off down the rocky path we had strolled down just hours before.

     "Where were ya'll?" Asked May, knowing we were together this whole time. I shrugged, not knowing what to say, because in Julian's head apparently our evening looked way differently. It was getting cold.

     My heart stopped as Polly walked out of the gym. She was still in the same dress and makeup but now she had a gray coat on. I didn't know what to expect but it seemed like she couldn't even look at me. And just looking at her then, made me question how did I think I could live without her mere minutes ago.

"I'll call you later to talk about it. I have to go now," she said as she was walking past Neels and he nodded taken aback.

I recognized her mom's sliver Toyota Rush. She was waiting for Polly. I rushed to catch up to her just before she got in. I needed to tell her how sorry I was and that I was so happy for her, that I had no idea.

"Polly, I am-," I started.

"Rose, not right now. I beg you. I need to get home," she cut me off, hopped on the passenger seat, and closed the door in my face. I stayed still and watched as they drove off.

Oh my God. I am screwed.

I wanted to get home, so I just walked off without even saying goodbye to either May or Neels. And I kept walking and walking, and suddenly the academy felt bigger than ever before.

Before reaching the exit, you had to go through a parking lot. I was walking and watching as a bunch of cars went away. Kids with their parents happy that they gave a good show and were probably going to get ice cream after. My heart fluttered with jealousy. I wanted that and so much more.

And then there was Julian running to meet me, his friends getting in the car. He was out of breath by the time he reached me because I started walking fast in the opposite direction. He grabbed my arm to stop me. His touch still made my heart buzz.

     "Rosie, hey," he struggled to say. "Look, I'm sorry."

     "Julian, just leave me alone. Really." I begged. "I want to go home."

     "We can give you a ride." He offered. "It's getting late and dangerous."

     "Honestly, I rather get in a creepy bus than get in a car with you right now," I said, and his eyes started looking sad. "I need space. To think. Besides, what are you going to tell your friends?"

     He just stayed silent, not really knowing what to say. He knew exactly what I was talking about. His friends started calling him from a distance. We both heard. He let go of my arm and started walking off before saying "I'm sorry" one last time.

     The walk home was cold.