The Sun, Moon & Stars

4. Letters

Remus Lupin sat on the floor of his old bedroom, holding a stack of letters in his hands as he took long, deep breaths--trying to pluck up the strength to sort through them. To get rid of them.

'Master Remus?' Ginger had entered the room, and walked over to stand next to him. 'Are you sure you don't need help? I am happy to, sir.'

'No, I'm alright, Ginger. I need to do this by myself.' Remus answered, his voice shaking, and Ginger nodded - understanding, as she left.

He looked back down at the stack of parchment in front of him; hands shaking as he ghosted his fingertips over the first one and began to open it.

December 31st, 1971

Remus,

Happy New Year! I hope you're doing well and having a good break at Hogwarts. Sorry none of us could stay with you, my Mum might kill me if I missed our annual Black Family Christmas Celebration. Anyway, hope all is well.

Sirius Black

Remus remembered reading this letter for the first time. He had received it when they were in first year, having only known each other for around four months; and they weren't really good friends yet. It was more of a mandatory thing since they shared a dormitory, but Remus remembered being utterly thrilled to have gotten a letter.

July 17th, 1972

Remus,

Hey! It's Sirius. Hope your summer is going well so far-- you know, except for the full moon. How are you feeling? I know it's coming up in a couple days. Hope you're feeling alright, or as best as you can be, and can't wait to see you in Diagon Alley next month with James and Peter.

Miss you,

Sirius Black

He smiled sadly. The summer after first year. Sirius had discovered his secret first, in April, and by the end of term James and Peter also knew. Sirius was the first one to fully accept it--and despite never being able to keep on track with homework, the one thing he always remembered was the days of the full moon.

December 25th, 1972

Rey,

Happy Christmas! You know I think I'm going downright mad here at home. I wish I was with you at Hogwarts--I'm in my blasted room all the time, and the only person that talks to me is Kreacher but I have to physically make him talk to me. Hope the full moon went well yesterday. Upsetting it had to land on Christmas Eve. I hate that blasted furry little problem. I hate to see you hurting. Miss you loads,

Sirius Black

That was the first time Sirius had addressed his letter to 'Rey' and not 'Remus'--and he remembered it making his heart swell that he truly had friends that cared about him.

July 5th, 1973

Rey,

It's only been a week since seeing you last and I'm going mad. I've written James and Peter, but they're both on some extravagant vacation. So answer me. PLEASE. I'm going mad. Anyway, I've done more reading on the animagus thing--and James seems to think it's an alright idea. It'll take some planning, and we might not get it done until at least the end of this year but then at least we can help you. Listen, I know you're a bit cross we're thinking about doing this to begin with--but we just want to help you. I hate to see you hurting and well, it would be bloody awesome to transform into an animal. What do you reckon i'd be? A dragon? That would be fantastic. Anyway, write me back. Miss you tons and tons and tons,

Sirius Black

A tear slid down Remus' cheek as he finished reading the letter. At the time he had been cross with them. He didn't fancy them doing some sort of dangerous, illegal thing to help him--but looking back on it, it was the nicest thing they ever did for them. And he was eternally grateful for it.

July 2nd, 1974

Moony,

I hate not talking to you. I hate that you're mad or confused with me, or whatever. I don't regret what I did though. I meant it. I like you Rey, and I've told you this before but I need you. I can't live without you and you make me better. You mean the bloody world to me, okay? And if you don't like me back, well I suppose I'll get over it eventually. Maybe. But right now, I need you to answer me. I can't go all bloody summer not knowing what you're thinking. You're my other half, Moony. Miss you endlessly,

Sirius

Remus was full on sobbing now. He sent this summer after third year. After Sirius had confessed to liking him--and Remus hadn't even said anything. He was so stupid. So shy to admit he felt the same way--and he had felt that way about Sirius for ages, likely longer than Sirius had even felt this way about him. But it was real now. And scary. And after all Sirius had done for him, finally becoming an animagus just to help him--he was scared more than ever that falling for Sirius Black might end up with losing him as a friend. But he smiled weakly when he saw the next letter--the letter Sirius had sent also that summer, after they had eventually established they wanted to be together. Their first letter as boyfriends.

August 27th, 1974

To my Moony, my Rey, my Boyfriend, or really my whatever you want me to call you,

I MISS YOU. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND. ISN'T THAT CRAZY, AND FREAKING AWESOME MOONY?! I can't wait to see you on September 1st--even though I saw you just last week.

LOTS OF LOVE,

Sirius, Siri, Padfoot, Pads, your FREAKING GORGEOUS BOYFRIEND, or whatever the heck you feel like calling me.

Remus let out a weak laugh, despite the fact tears were still streaming down his face. Sirius had been so forward since the very beginning. And he realized that despite everything Sirius had done, he could never bring himself to throw these letters out. So he bundled them all up, and placed them in a box--using his wand to levitate it and place it in the very back of the closet.

That was a battle for another day; when he was stronger perhaps, and Sirius still didn't have him wrapped around his finger.