under the moon and stars || l.s ☽

a christmas story

The last time he saw them was when Fizzy died, he went home for the funeral, everyone took it really hard. After his last visit home, Lottie hated Louis. Well, hate is a strong word, she blamed Lou for Fizzy's death, she thought that if Louis had been around enough he would have been able to figure it out. She thought that he would've seen what was happening and be able to help Fizzy, Lou just knows things like that. If Lou came home, she wouldn't be dead.

--

"Lou? Can I talk to you?" Lottie interrupted.

"Of course, Lots, Let's go upstairs!"

Lou and Lottie went upstairs and closed the door to the bedroom.

"Lou, before you say anything, I want you to know that I'm not mad at you and don't blame you for Fiz's death, I was just angry and hurt. I felt like I needed someone to blame, so I blamed you for not being there anymore. I knew that you were hurt after Harry, then mom, and Fiz, I shouldn't have done that, I just want my big brother back, I need him," tears began to rush down Lottie's cheeks then onto the floor.

Louis launched into Lottie's arms, trying to protect her from the hurt and anger she felt, protect her from the evil of the world, protect her from everything. Something he knew he should've done a long time ago.

"Lot, you didn't lose me, I've always been right here, but you were right, I should have gone home more often to be with my family, I needed my family, I didn't know it at the time but I did. I was just so blinded by the hurt I felt from-" Louis stuttered.

"Harry" Lottie finished.

"Well yeah, mostly, but that wasn't the only thing,"

"What else was there?"

"Come sit down," Louis said as he went to sit on the bed patting the spot next to him.

"Harry is the only person who knows about this, sorta,"

"Okay..."

"You can't tell Phoebs or Dais, they are too young to know!"

"Okay"

"Lottie..." Louis took a deep breath.

"A couple of years after Harry and I broke up, I was still a mess, a total disaster,"

"Well, I knew that" Lottie rolled her eyes and chuckled a little.

"Shut up and let me finish!"

"Anyways, I started dating a new guy. We dated for about two years, I never loved him though, I guess in the back of my head it was my way of getting back at Harry for leaving me,"

"Why didn't you tell me you were dating someone new?"

"Because I didn't want to lie to you, I don't think I could have, so I distanced myself,"

"Lie about what? Lou, don't tell me what I think you are going to tell me!"

"He beat me, Lots"

"That son of a b-"

"Lottie, let me finish!"

"He wouldn't leave me alone for years because I wouldn't go on a date with him, so eventually I did. I thought I liked him at first. Liked not loved. He told me that he loved me, I don't think he did but I would say it back with no meaning behind those three words, I said them so often that I convinced myself that I did love him, even when I knew that I didn't." Lottie grabbed Louis' hand squeezing so tight that Louis' hand turned white.

"It was fine at first, definitely not a normal relationship and nothing compared to what I had with Haz. I constantly compared the two relationships, I never stopped loving Haz. I guess the relationship was also my way of trying to get over him, even when I knew that I only ever loved Harry. Oliver began to notice that I would stare off into space, getting lost in my thoughts, about Harry. He noticed how I would drive to Doncaster fairly often, I would drive to our spot and sit there for hours, he noticed how I wore this one sweatshirt but would never wash it because it smelt like Harry. He noticed how when I said 'I love you,' I said it with no emotion. So...we began to argue every once in a while, then the arguing turned into full-on fights, not the physical ones. They weren't physical, at first, but one day he slapped me, it was unexpected but I thought it was normal. I think he got some sort of rush after he slapped me because he slapped me again and again and then those slaps turned into punches, next thing I know, I was on the ground begging for forgiveness, for mercy, for life. I felt the blood run down my face and the bruises left on my body. Suddenly he stopped and left the house leaving me there on the floor, waiting for him to come back and finish me off,"