When You Smile (Engineering Student #3)

Chapter Ten

Chapter 10

I don't know what to feel after Lei went to New York. I am slightly mad at her but I can't blame her. I actually kinda feel guilty too having this feeling towards her. Dapat iniintindi ko siya kasi siya itong nasaktan at nais lang na magpakalayo. Ilayo ang sarili mula sa sakit. Kapag patuloy lang siyang nandito, maaalala lang niya iyong mga bagay na mapapait. 

But once again... how about me?

They think I can manage everything, they think I don't seek help from others... but then they forgot that I am only human. Of course I need someone too and I need a friend. I need Lei. Hindi nila alam na nalulungkot din naman ako.

Now that Lei is gone, my college life won't ever be the same. Hindi ako sanay. Mula elementary siya na ang kasama ko. Konti na lang magiging ganap na kaming inhinyera pero anong nangyari? Pero kagaya nga ng sinabi ko... hindi ko siya masisisi.

I am having a deep reflection on myself when Mama entered my room. May dala itong gatas at cookies. She smiled when she saw me.

"Meryenda," she offered.

"Salamat po," sabi ko at muling hinarap ang libro. Kanina pa ako nagbabasa pero wala ako maintindihan sa istorya dahil kanina pa okupado ang isipan ko.

"Ayos ka lang?" tanong niya.

Natigil ako sa pagbabasa. Alam na rin ni Mama na umalis na ang pamilya ni Lei kasama siya. I know that she's worried about me. She knew that Lei is my one and only friend. Isa pa, napamahal na rin siya rito.

I nodded. I bit my lip cuz I know deep inside I am not.

"It's okay, you will find some—"

"Ayos lang ako, Mama. Palagi naman akong nag-iisa kaya sanay na ako."

"Alam ko naman na kaya mo at malakas ka. It's just that... I want you to open your life to some people. Hayaan mo lang na papasukin ang tao diyan sa buhay mo."

"Para saan pa? Aalis din lang naman sila. Iiwan din naman nila ako sa huli," malamig kong sabi. Masakit pero totoo.

"Malay natin may mag-stay."

Psh. That's impossible. In the end, people will leave you eventually and no one's to be with your side except yourself.

"Malay natin,," I echoed. That's ridiculous. I'd rather stay alone that building relationship to somebody else.

I spent my vacation time in reading. Sometimes Mama and I hanging out to mall, you know, the mother and daughter bonding. Most of the time, Mama is in school for the duty.

I am not active on my social media accounts anymore. Sa messenger na lang kapag kausap ko si Lei. Every day din naman kami nagkakausap, kahit mabilis lang at least we still keep in touch. Nagbago na rin siya ng kanyang social media accounts. Lahat.