To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 12

He closed his eyes again, leaning back against the headboard until he felt Louis shift against him. Looking back down, he realised that Louis was staring up at him.

"Morning." He rasped, "how are you now?"

"Better. Thank you for staying with me last night, it really helped."

"You're welcome." Harry gave him a small smile, stretching out as Louis stood up.

"I'm gonna have a shower." Louis told him, "I'll see you in the living room?"

"Yeah, alright." Harry exited the room, Niall, who was passing in the hallway, giving him a look which Harry just chose to ignore.

//

"Why did you two sleep in the same room?" Niall asked as soon as the pair entered the living room, "did you have sex?"

"What? Niall, why is that the first logical explanation you come up with?" Louis furrowed his brow, "we didn't have sex, no."

Niall just shrugged as all boys looked at him, Liam and Zayn trying not to laugh. "What were you doing then?"

"There was a storm last night." Louis said simply, all 4 boys knew how Louis didn't like them, and how Harry and his mum were the only ones who had ever been able to comfort him.

"Ohhh. So you cuddled?"

Both Louis and Harry chose to ignore that, Harry instead making his way to the fridge and taking out a beer. He turned back around, pausing when he saw everyone was staring at him. "What?" Liam's eyes flickered to the bottle in his hands and Harry looked down in realisation. "Oh, right, sorry. Drinking in the morning isn't a normal thing for a non-alcoholic." He rolled his eyes, putting it back. "So, when is an acceptable time to be drinking?"

"After 12? I don't know." Zayn frowned.

"Great." Harry nodded slowly, "well I'm going outside" He pulled his hoodie sleeves down over his hands, checking in his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter before trudging out into the small back garden.
He sat down on the patio against the wall, lighting the cigarette up.

He picked a small pebble up which lay by his feet, looking at it for a few seconds before tossing it across the garden. "I don't know what to do." He muttered to himself, "I don't know what to fucking do."

The more time he spent with them, the more he wanted to run back to them. He missed the times when he could tell them anything and everything, share all his problems with them without any worries. But now he couldn't even talk to them about normal everyday things without feeling awkward and out of place.

And last night with Louis, things had almost felt back to normal. He had been sharing his thoughts with Louis as he used to, and held him as they slept.

"Hey." Louis spoke softly as he slid down the wall next to Harry. "Last night, you were saying how you're far from happy, and how you'd drifted from everyone, and I just wondered if there was anything I could do to help?"

Harry let out a shaky sigh, "please forget what I said last night. I wasn't thinking."

"I'm not going to forget it." Louis sighed, "you've got stuff going on and I want to help."

"You don't know shit Louis."

"So tell me!"

"I can't! I fucking can't alright. You lot can't just waltz back into my life and expect me to run back to you. I just can't do that." He groaned, adding a small, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. I understand. I know it's hard to get comfortable with us again, and I know you don't trust us. But if we ever do anything you don't like, or there's things that will make you feel more comfortable, please let us know."

Harry looked up in surprise, his heart clenching. "Thank you." He whispered.

Louis just offered him a smile, rubbing his arm lightly. "I'll go back inside if you want? Leave you alone?"

"You can stay. If you want."

Louis nodded, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes. "Do you ever get those days where you just have no motivation and you can't do anything?"

Harry let out a small laugh, "every fuckin' day."

"I think today is one of those days." Louis huffed, "it's not that bad but I just don't really feel great."

"What've we got planned for today?"

"Not much, more song writing and the lads were on about just having a chill night and playing some games or something."

"Okay." Harry nodded, that sounded relatively easy. Not too much effort.

Niall peered around the corner, about to say something but stopping when he saw them talking to eachother. He turned back around, shutting the door gently as he sat on the sofa. "D'you reckon they still like eachother?"

"Deep down yeah, but I don't reckon they know it." Zayn shrugged, "but they were so tight-knit beforehand, seeing eachother again after so long is bound to bring out some sort of feelings."

"How do we even know they liked eachother in the first place?" Liam asked, feeling rather confused.

Niall and Zayn both turned to look at him with a glare, "are you blind?"

"Sorry." Liam put his hands up in defence, "did they like, kiss or something?"

"Fuckin' helllll." Niall groaned, facepalming. "No they didn't kiss because they didn't know they liked one another no matter how many times I hinted."

"Right, well keep me updated this time, alright? I wanna know what's going on." He pouted.

"Alright. We will."

Niall's eyes widened as the two walked back in, shutting his mouth immediately. They watched as Harry wordlessly put a slice of bread in the toaster before settling on the stall, staring at it.

When it finally popped up he grabbed a knife buttering it before cutting it in half and sitting at the breakfast bar.

"You alright mate?" Niall sat on the stall next to him, Harry looking up in surprise.

"Yeah..." He mumbled, pulling apart the toast into small pieces before placing them in his mouth. "D'you want this?" He slid the plate across with half the toast still on there.

"You not eating it?" Niall frowned.

"Not hungry." He shrugged.

"You should eat it still."

"I'll have something later, it's fine. Didn't think you'd pass up an opportunity to eat."

Niall looked to Harry warily before taking the toast, "we might be going out for dinner by the way, do you have any suggestions?"

"I don't, I don't know. Not anywhere I can think of, no."

"We'll probably go to a local restaurant anyway." Niall hummed, biting into the toast.

Harry nodded slowly, "okay, cool. Um, I'm gonna go and write in my room for a bit."

"Alright."