The Sun, Moon & Stars

2. Ophelia Lily Lupin-Black

'You know what, love? How would you like your middle name to be Lily?' He asked, and his voice broke when he said her name. His best friend. Gone. Ophelia stopped crying, as if she was comforted by the name of her aunt. 'Ophelia Lily Lupin. Do you like that?' He asked as a single tear ran down his scarred face. Ophelia gave him what appeared to be a curved smile, and Remus smiled back.

Before, no middle name seemed good enough and they had been perfectly content with her just having a first and a last name, like Sirius did. But now, Remus couldn't imagine any name more worthy than 'Lily', and it might have been weird to add a middle name when your daughter is already over a year old, but Remus thought it was perfect. A tribute to his best friend, a tribute to Lily.

'Yeah. I like it too.' He whispered. 'It's going to be okay, my love.' He whispered softly again, kissing her cheek before placing her back into the crib turning off the light and closing the door to let her sleep.

The minute he left the room he felt tears welling up in his warm hazel eyes once more. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept in days, and the enormity of what had happened to him was only just setting in. That he was alone. Really alone. James, Lily and Peter--dead and Sirius; the other father of their child, his husband, his best mate and the love of his life--in Askaban. Responsible for all of it. It didn't seem real. That somebody as loving as Sirius could possibly be capable of all of his--but it was. 'I didn't mean for it to happen.' those words rung in his head on repeat, haunting him and tormenting him repeatedly --as the image of Sirius struggling to get free from the aurors replayed in his head over and over again until it was too much to take. That he didn't mean for it to happen, but that also implied he was the reason it did happen.

He slammed his fists against the wall and cried out, tears falling at a fast pace like a waterfall, as he sobbed into the palm of his hands and slid down against the wall. And he sat on the floor, back against the wall and his arms wrapped around his legs as he rocked himself to sleep, his sobs fading to silent ones--as if he was silently screaming, and his tears finally running dry until he drifted into a deep slumber--as thoughts of how he could possibly do this alone rang through his head.

He dreamt of getting the life he had before back. It was just mere days ago that Lily and James were alive and happy with Harry--and they were having an early celebration for Sirius' birthday--which was tomorrow, November 3rd. They were at Lily and James' house, eating cake and watching a muggle film called 'Star Wars' that Sirius enjoyed--having drinks, and playing games, and spoiling the two babies who giggled as Sirius danced drunkenly around their sitting room while singing a song by a muggle band called 'Queen'. It seemed impossible that during those days Sirius was planning all of this tragedy. Planning to hand over the secret to Voldemort. And that tomorrow, Sirius would be in a cell in Askaban celebrating his birthday, and Remus would be here. At his abandoned childhood home with his daughter he doesn't know how to take care of alone--thoughts of the 21st birthday celebration they would have been having if Sirius hadn't joined the dark side playing through his head.

Harry would be with his aunt and uncle, muggles, and would grow up not remembering his parents or Remus or Peter, and his godfather; who he wouldn't remember either, but when he would learn of him it would be of a criminal, not the loving godfather he had once been. Remus wouldn't get to see Harry until he was at least eleven. In 10 years. And that didn't sit right with Remus. That his 'Uncle Moony' wouldn't meet him again for another ten years--and by then he wouldn't be 'Uncle Moony' anymore, he'd be a complete stranger. Dumbledore insisted he was safer with them, and regardless of whether that was true or not, Remus ached to have his nephew back.

And his daughter, their pride and joy, would grow up with one parent to take care of her--and the other being a criminal, locked up in Askaban for a crime most wouldn't ever imagine doing even in their wildest nightmares. She would grow up not only not knowing him, but she wouldn't remember him by the time she was older--and as much as Remus did want her to forget him, so that the fact he was a criminal might not be so hard on her, he also wanted her to remember the times when her father was loving and kind. For, if anything else, to symbolize he wasn't always a bad person.

Remus had been the worrisome one when they decided to have a child. They had to do it a magical way. Lily said it wasn't possible for two men to have a child in the muggle world, but here it was. It had taken him long enough to come to terms with the fact Sirius wanted to marry him--that somebody could ever want to spend their life legally tied to him like that. And it had taken many hours of Sirius reminding him that it didn't matter he was a werewolf (though Remus should have known by then, that if anything, that Sirius loved him more because of it). But it was different with having a kid. He'd be responsible for him or her, he could hurt them by accident, or maybe they wouldn't like him--for who wants a werewolf as a Dad? And it took loads of convincing from Sirius to even begin to consider having a child. Sirius had promised he would always be there to do it with him. And here he was, his worst nightmare coming true.

He loved Ophelia, she was his everything, but now he was alone. A werewolf, alone, raising a child and he didn't think he could possibly offer her a life worth living. Not without Sirius. Who defying all expectations, and was the motherly one. Remus cooked and cleaned, and was good at telling bedtime stories--but Sirius was different. Sirius could calm her down, make her stop screaming and make her giggle with his dance moves, light personality and sense of humour. And he was always there, when Remus wasn't able to be because of the full moon.

It was ironic, the prospect of it all, in Remus's opinion. That Sirius was meant to be with them forever--and here he was, a follower of the dark lord and in Askaban. And that Remus, the one whose worst nightmare was being alone, was coming true. And again that Remus, the one who was worried about having a child due to his condition, was now the only one to raise her. And perhaps the most ironic of all, was that it was such a big deal to Sirius. That her last name would be Lupin-Black so his name was at the end, and now she couldn't even have the last name Black. For she would be an outcast for being known as related to the newest criminal in the Wizarding World. It was so ironic it was unbelievable. And Remus wished nothing more than to just die. But he couldn't--because he had Ophelia, and somehow, someway, he needed to take care of her as much as needed to take care of himself. He just needed to figure out how to do it.