DIVINE » l. valdez

week two

❝ i think i know how Atlas felt, when he got the cards he was dealt ❞

Hina had never been good at writing her thoughts down. She couldn't even organize them in her mind half the time, let alone put a pen to paper. But there she was, sitting outside the locked door of Bunker Nine holding a sheet of paper and a pen. 

For seven days she had returned to the same spot, attempting to collect her thoughts. So far all she had was an empty page, until Will had come up with an alternative idea.

He always spoke to Hina in a soft tone now, and she could tell he was tiptoeing around her. It wasn't his fault though, since the final battle Hina had become more jumpy than ever. 

Every single sound had her on high alert, and even worse was the battle cries during capture the flag.

It all just brought back too much.

The bruises along her body had completely healed, and Will had helped properly wrap her ribs again. Looking at her, it was impossible to see any sign of the journey she had been through over the past months, but the small changes were not unnoticeable to her friends though.

The once shining brown irises, were dull, and exhausted, with bags lining her under eyes. Her hair looked less sun-kissed and more muddied, as if reflecting her current state of mind.

Sighing, Hina started writing,

Dear Leo, 

It's Hina, Will suggested writing letters to you, to help me "figure out my feelings", it feels like everyone is walking on glass around me. 

I haven't been sleeping much since the battle: it makes me feel too weak and claustrophobic. Even a blanket is too much weight, it reminds me of Gaea's embrace. 

Every time I close my eyes I see you falling through the sky again. 

Gods, I can't believe you're gone. I hate you for leaving me alone again. I hate you for promising you'd always come back when you knew you wouldn't. Mostly, I hate you because no matter how mad I wanna be I love you so much it hurts. I miss you, Leo.

Every morning I wake up, praying this is some twisted nightmare, and that you'll be beside me,  looking at me with that crooked grin. I'm still waiting for you to come home. 

You promised me we could live a normal life. 

I feel trapped. I don't have anywhere else to go, and no one understands. 

Jason and Piper keep trying to get me moving around, but it doesn't feel right. Nothing seems fun anymore without you. It feels wrong to laugh if you're not here.

They've been working to build new shrines for the minor gods at camp and I can't find it in myself to help. Frank and Hazel have been in New Rome, doing something Roman-ish. Annabeth and Percy have been taking in the last of the summer before they leave for school.

Everyone has someone. Even Hedge and Mellie are happy, baby Chuck is an angel of a goat. You'd like him. He's a mini Hedge without the baseball bat and gym clothes.

Will has been getting along with Nico pretty well. It's an odd pair, but they seem to make each other happy. 

I guess that's all that's really happened since you've left.

I miss you.

Please, come back.

- Hina 

It felt silly to sign her name, but Hina did it anyways, adding a small drawing of a flower beside it. Leo had always enjoyed her doodles on all of his blueprints in the bunker.

With her letter finished, Hina neatly folded it and placed it inside the addressed envelope. She wasn't sure why, but it felt right to pretend like she was really sending it to him.

Hina gently set the letter down in front of the bunker, before placing her hand on the rock wall. 

"I gotta go, but I'll come back tomorrow, Leo," she whispered.