Needs, Wants, Desires, and Dreams

Desire For More

A/N: Once again, this chapter includes quite a few semantics in terms of Emily and Alison's divorce proceedings, but I promise you that it is all important! So don't skip through! I love the ending of this chapter. I hope you all do too.

I also was surprised that so many of you believed Emily to be angry at the end of the last chapter. Her tears and inability to speak I thought were clear, but hopefully the beginning of this chapter clears that up for you all. She's not angry, just remorseful. :)

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Emily's heels clicked against the cold ceramic beneath her feet as she paced in the small 5th-floor restroom of the Hastings, Miller & Hastings building waiting for their 11 am meeting. She had woken up with the sun trying to prepare herself for seeing her wife. A month ago was the last they had fully attempted a conversation. Alison had been there. At her front door. With another woman. The shivers ran down Emily's spine, just thinking of it. The visual brought impulsive tears back to her eyes. Tears that she found to be incessant in the weeks following their last interaction.

She reassured her mother and herself that her tears weren't out of anger or malice. No, her tears were filled with regret. Because when Alison opened that door to hug her guest goodbye, all Emily could see was her smile. It was a portrait of her wife she hadn't seen in over two years. It was a glimpse into the joy that radiated from Alison in the days and weeks before going to jail. For the first time in so long, Emily saw Alison's soul again. And that hit Emily harder than the divorce papers had earlier that morning. Because not only did she realize that Alison could feel the same joy around someone else as she did with Emily. But Emily also realized that she, herself, had never smiled like that with Maya. Separate facets of her past, present, and future hit her with a force that couldn't be denied in front of the home they purchased together. It's what led to the few words she spoke.

"I can't do this."

It wasn't that Emily couldn't take it. It was that she hadn't prepared herself for the day that she would see Alison's smile. She hadn't taken into account that Alison's upturned grin may never hit Emily's eyes again. She hadn't realized how much better her world was when Alison's smile was hers. She hadn't made the time to note it in the recesses of her mind so that it would never be etched over in the time she was gone.

And now, every single choice she made during Alison's sentence had led to her pacing in the women's restroom this morning. The woman looking back at her in the mirror had subjected her entire world to her selfishness. Their divorce, this mediation, was a direct result of the mistakes Emily made when not in the presence of Alison's smile. Alison deserved better. She deserved to smile again. Emily knew that now. With her dark hair slicked back in a low ponytail, poignant smoky makeup, and tailored black pantsuit, Emily took in a deep breath. She could do this now. Alison deserved it.

Emily's attorney was already waiting. Mrs. Hastings had reached out to a separate law firm to help Emily retain a knowledgeable and respected lawyer in his own right. The only request Emily had was for her lawyer to know that he wasn't fighting a legal battle. They were in an amicable divorce, and she expected that to be the case from beginning to end.

"Sam!" Emily exhaled her fears into the waiting room outside of Dominic's office.

"Hi there, Emily." He stood, wrapping her in a hug as he left his briefcase next to the chair. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, I think. I looked over everything you sent me, and I'm willing to move forward with what you proposed."

Sam kept his hands on Emily's shoulders as he shook them in reassurance. "So happy to hear it. Alison and Dominic are in his office right now, finalizing their own proposal, I'm sure. Dom said that we could take a seat in the conference room next door. They should be just a moment."