Needs, Wants, Desires, and Dreams

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

Not yet adjusted to waking up at any time she wanted, Alison's body jolted her awake a little after 5 am as was typical for jailhouse life. She found herself with her back propped against the wall next to the door with her feet extended out straight in front of her. Her back ached, and her stomach churned from the gutsy move she had pulled less than six hours before. Alison peered on her hands and knees underneath the crack in the door noting the shadow of her wife still reflected in the hall. Part of her wanted to feel guilty that Emily felt the need to sleep outside their door from the memories associated with their last night together before she was arrested. But the other part of Alison, which was closer to the surface than she would've liked to acknowledged, thought that this was the least Emily deserved after the chaos she allowed Alison to come home to. Glancing back at the clock on their nightstand, Alison sighed knowing that it was far too early for her to open the door and wake her wife. Olivia would have to be stirring soon, and that had to be enough to ease Alison's mind from feeling trapped in a bedroom that was no longer hers. She stared at the king-sized sleigh bed in front of her and rolled her eyes wondering how Emily could have ever thought that granting Alison permission to sleep in their bed would come as a relief her first night home.

"Oh, yeah Al, sleep in our bed! I changed the sheets, but feel free to spend all night thinking about the crazy sex I've had with another woman while you've been locked in a cell 23 hours a day! Great fucking idea, Emily." Alison mumbled as she strolled through the room that used to smell like her.

She pulled back the sheets on her usual side of the bed, wondering if the new Alison liked the left side too. If she had picked it out of convenience because Emily preferred the right side or if she hand-selected the left just as Alison had. Did she lie there at night curled next to her wife knowing that she was the closest to the door? Had she considered that Alison had chosen it specifically to protect Emily in case anyone wished them ill-intent? When she was screwing her wife, was she thinking of every innocuous choice Alison had made to ensure Emily's safety?

As Alison lay down in the pulled back sheets, covering her body and laying on the pillow to make a dent, she wondered if the new Alison would go these lengths to make her wife think she had slept well. Alison tossed and turned, lightly kicking the comforter off of her feet to make it just messy enough before she crawled out, quickly shaking off the grime of the bed that she felt had already become embedded in her skin.

She walked toward the bathroom, scanning for the signs that someone else had been there. Tucked in the toothbrush holder were now three toothbrushes as though Emily expected the three of them to become quick friends. She picked up the bottle of face wash, pumping it once to rub the scent into her hands before giving it a quick sniff. Nope, that was not the smell radiating off of Emily's skin last night when Alison's lips touched her cheek. So she stayed enough to need a toothbrush and face wash, but no makeup other than Emily's grazed the countertops, nor was there a foreign perfume or hair straightener.

Having a better grasp on their relationship from the bathroom alone gave Alison more confidence to dig through their clothes. She walked to their dresser, clenching her eyes tight as she opened the first drawer which, before Alison left, contained her bras and underwear. Opening her left eye slightly, she exhaled to find her clothes still in their place. Alison had a drawer, and to her, that indicated hope. She pulled the drawers open one by one until she reached the bottom which contained a few t-shirts and undergarments she didn't know. Holding them up from the seclusion of the bottom drawer, Alison dug through to find tags. Shirts – medium. Underwear – medium. Bras – 34B. Alison laughed smugly relishing in the fact that Emily had downgraded quite a few cup-sizes when she accepted that new ring on her finger, but quickly tried to cover her glee in case she got caught snooping. She folded the clothes back into their drawer, feeling lightly victorious compared to the stranger.