Needs, Wants, Desires, and Dreams

Needed To Lose You

Waking up the next morning had Alison in a daze. She walked through her home, understanding that a fragment of the future she had imagined had been left behind in that parking lot. A glass vase in a thousand pieces scattered on the floor by the front door depicted the ache in her heart that had settled for good. Throughout the living room were memories of the previous night's overreaction. Still, none hit her quite as hard as seeing the torn pieces of paper in her fireplace. Alison dropped to her knees to gather the multitude of tattered remnants in the palms of her hands as they flooded back through her open fingers onto the logs below. A gift she had worked on for weeks destroyed instantaneously just as their marriage had been destroyed the night before. She struggled to comprehend how Emily's heart had morphed from one of endless caring and support to one of brokenness and destruction. Alison could still note the frown lines in her wife's face as Emily claimed a divorce to be the best thing for their marriage. There was grief behind the words that Emily claimed as her own. Despite appearing self-assured, Alison couldn't help but echo the crack in Emily's voice as she said those fateful words. As Alison climbed out of the car and repeatedly spited her wife, she noticed that Emily's face remained stoic as if expecting the tirade before Alison had even created it in her mind's eye. They both knew each other better than they knew themselves at times, and last night was another indication for Alison that anything beyond the separation of their marriage would do more harm than good.

Over the next few days, Alison continued getting ready for Christmas, piecing her life back together from what she had decimated just days earlier. In the process of reassembly, she also attempted to stay away from Emily as much as possible. Already arranged with their family and friends, Alison intended to host everyone Christmas afternoon. The morning was reserved to celebrate with the three closest family members she had at the Fields' home. As she used her key to open that front door, though, she never expected the conversation taking place on the other side.

"Mom, I just don't understand why you –"

"Emily, we talked about this last night. It's no longer up for discussion."

Alison stood with her feet grounded into the floor as she listened. Olivia noticed her mother across the room from her play center placed in the middle of the living room floor. Alison put a single finger over her lips in attempts to shush her daughter as Olivia giggled with glee at the gifts precariously placed in Alison's arms.

"What's the point of having Christmas altogether if everyone isn't welcome here?"

The sound of the oven door being closed forcefully keyed off Pam's words, "I don't think you're understanding it from my perspective, Emmy. Everyone that is my family will be here all together."

"Maya deserves to be here just as much as anyone else." Alison could imagine Emily's crossed arms from behind the entryway wall blocking them from each other.

"I disagree. Your daughter hasn't had a Christmas with both of her parents yet. It's selfish of you to think that Alison being here this morning somehow negates Maya's presence in your life."

"What precedent are we setting, though, if I can't spend Christmas with everyone I love?" Emily sounded exasperated, trying to explain herself.

"Maya is more than welcome to come to Alison's this afternoon, which is more than you should be placing on her in the first place. I just wanted a morning without any drama ensuing. Can you respect that for me for a matter of hours the four of us will be alone?

"I understand where you're coming from, but I haven't seen Alison since we decided to get a divorce." Decided to. Alison resented the choice of words. "It would've been nice to have more of a support system this morning."