It's Family Business

Chapter 4: Double P knoweth thy nameth

   Cruz was definitely my bitch.

   "She's right to do that Nadia. You go ballistic when we don't get the right stuff." Uncle Jeff piped up. I fist bumped him from across the table, bros before hoes, am I right?

   Not that I was insinuating that my mother was a hoe in any way shape or form. It's just a funny little metaphor...right?

   "Jeff, you've never had to run my errands for me. Ever. So shut your mouth before I make you." Aye, go mama - if you observe this closely you can see that my feistiness is genetic. 

   "Whatever," Jeff muttered.

   My mum went to reply but was cut short when my father placed a gentle hand on her back and pulled out a chair for her to sit on. She smiled gratefully at him and placed the casserole down on the table.

   "Settle down everyone. As long as Heidi's safe and sound and she managed to get everything, it's all good. Now can we all eat in peace and quiet, I want to know more on what I've missed." My father sat at the head of the table, speaking calmly to everyone with a glass of scotch in his right hand. Everyone instantly listened, their faces inclined towards him respectfully as if he was some sort of cartel leader.

   ...Pfft, the guy wouldn't know what an AK-47 was if it shot him in the face.

   "I thought you wanted peace and quiet, that means no talking right?" Cruz snickered, high fiving me under the table. I snickered along with him, despite having no clue what he said.

   "Cruz, tell me about school. How are your grades keeping up?" My father asked with a serious expression, but his eyes held a glint of mischief as he scrutinised the quiet boy next to me.

   Was it possible for my father to be a werewolf? Even I barely heard Cruz's lame joke. I just laughed because I didn't want to ask him to repeat what he said, because then I'd look retarded. It was always safe to laugh in "I have no idea what the fuck you said but I'm going to laugh anyway and hope you didn't just tell me something important" because then, no one would question your integrity and notice your astronomical failure of a brain.

   Cruz gulped down his food with caution. "I-it's going good so far. Classes are great y'know,"

   Ha! What a joke.

   School was full of shit, everyone knew that. By now the word "school" was a universal code for 'kill me now.'

   "Pussy," I muttered under my breath, causing him to pinch my thigh. I squealed, before clearing my throat when my dad met my gaze with confusion. I smiled gingerly, rubbing the sore spot before looking back down to my food.

   "That's good to hear." He said. "Heidi, what about you sweetheart?"

   I grinned at my dad, knowing fully well that sooner or later he's find out about Alfred the big fat asshole, and how I sent him to the depths of hell with my mean right fist. Yet of course I wasn't going to willingly blurt it out right now, he'd chop my head off and serve me on a silver platter - the beef casserole was more than enough...

   "It's good. School's good. I'm good. Life's good." This was when my family simultaneously rolled there eyes and went back to minding their own business, but I continued, regardless of the haters. "I think I might get the role of head girl, the headmaster has high hopes for me."

   "That's a whole load of craaap." Cruz sang softly into his hand. I slapped the boys stomach, making him recoil and almost smack his face into his plate. Unfortunately, he stopped himself before he could.

   My dad smiled and nodded at me. "That's excellent, princess. I'm proud of you." Then he finally turned his attention to my aunts and uncles and instantly began talking about adult things - Like taxes and shit.

   What a fucking lie! My father was going to have my head once he found out I'd been sent to Chris's office because my hands slipped, my grades—if anything—were tragically sinking like the Titanic, and this time there was no fine looking DiCaprio in the picture.

   Terrific.

   "He's gonna kill you," Cruz coughed, placing a couple of chips into his mouth with a smirk.

   I narrowed my eyes at him. "He's not going to find out," I muttered back, sending the message with my frightening gaze. If I tried hard enough, I could possibly hypnotise him.

   Cruz shrugged. "We'll see," well shit...my attempted hypnosis was clearly not working. The bastard was going to snitch on me. Like he always did.

   Picture this: The summer of 06, I was riding my bike into my neighbours garden admiring the beauty of a clean cut, advert-worthy fresh lawn that my Dell intel processor of a brain didn't manage to see the gigantic fountain right in the middle of the garden until I ended up taking a nice bath in it.

   Fun times...no really...fun fucking times. It wasn't until I'd gotten out completely soaked and witnessed the large piece of stone that had fallen off upon collision with my dented bike, did my favourite cousin walk into the picture; put two and two together and went off to snitch to my entire family.

   To say I traumatised for a week, having to clean the fountain and wash the neighbours car as there dog (Gertrude) practically dry humped me like there was no tomorrow would be an understatement. I still had PTSD from the horny son of a bitch.

   "Prick," I scoffed, before shoving down a mouthful of pasta down my throat. Oh yes, I was simply eating the weight of my crippling depression with some Italian food.

   Great, Double P entered the chat again and my creative mind was off making scenarios with shitty endings - like me in a casket.

Hehe me no like death right now.