𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗚𝗼 𝗢𝗳 𝗠𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗱 🤍

•𝗖𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴•

•☁️•

Tommy's POV, June 1987

The last week has honestly emotionally kicked my ass, I was so frustrated and hurt by Nikki. He hadn't made any attempt to boot the drugs or talk to me. I knew it wasn't going to be instant but I thought he'd atleast try, but no, he's just become even worse and that's all my fault.

Mick had been amazing the last few days, he listened to my angry ramblings and my confused crying- he was the thing that kept me from kicking Nikki's ass.

I still loved Nikki, that isn't even up for debate- I'm just frustrated that he still won't get help. We need to have a chat, I knew that but I didn't want to talk to him when he was strung out on dope, it wouldn't be a meaningful conversation if Nikki was fucked on drugs, he probably wouldn't even share a coherent sentence.

This situation sucked. All I wanted was Nikki back, I just wanted to be how we were before and during Nikki's pregnancy- we were in love, yes we had our ups and downs but we were so deeply infatuated with the other it didn't matter and right now, that bond we share was being bent and twisted by heroin.

Vince, Mick and myself arrived at the airport to board the plane to take us to our first tour destination- we all got there unsurprisingly before Nikki and so, I voiced my concerns to the men about not wanting to see Nikki at all because no doubt he'd be high when he got there.

My plan for the plane ride was for Vince to stay with Nikki at the front of the plane while I go with Mick to the back that way there will be no arguments or awkwardness- let's just steer clear of eachother today then we will see what happens on tour.

"Are you sure about this, drummer?" Mick asks as I grabbed a bag full of River's things for the flight, diapers, bottles shit like that from the back of the car.

"Yeah, I don't want him near her or me if he's on drugs. Vince, just please dude, don't let him near us... I don't care what you tell him, just make it clear to him I don't want to see him"

Vince nodded "I will... but Tom, you are going to talk to him, right?"

"Let's see how fucked he is first" I sighed before handing River to Mick and giving Vince a man hug "Thanks man"

"Nah, don't mention it- but I am blaming you if Nikki kicks my ass for keeping him in one place for longer than 10 minutes" the blonde jokes chuckling lightly.

A small smile creeps onto my lips "I mean, If he does you'd deserve it"

"Ah!" Vince squeaked placing a hand over his heart putting on a fake hurt expression "Fuck, that hurt, bro"

I smirked and shoved him in the arm "True though"

Vince rolled his eyes "Fuck you, man"

I grinned in response and caught up with Mick who had already began walking to the plane, leaving Vince to make the journey alone- when I was close enough to the guitarist I put my hands on his shoulders making him jump having not heard me approaching "Damn it, kid- fuck, don't do that" he said lowly once he saw it was me.

"Sorry, couldn't resist"

"Next time, please try to or I'm gonna be dead pretty soon"

All I did was chuckle in reply to Mick's words, both him and I know I'll pay them no mind anyway.

We boarded the plane and went to the back as planned, I sat by a window intently watching for any cars entering the facility- even though I'm here and Nikki will be arriving down there I could still tell pretty easily now high he is.

Eventually, I see the car pull up and Nikki slowly get out, and yep, he was completely fucked. I was cracking internally, torn between going out there and embracing him or going out there and kicking him for being so obviously out of it.

I wasn't even angry, I was just disappointed.

What will it take to make you see what your doing, Nikki?

Honestly, I missed him- I missed him so much but until he boots the addiction I can't be around him because he just really isn't the man I fell in love with.

Mick must have saw the hopeless look in my face because he spoke up and questioned me "Nikki, isn't it?"

I blinked rather hard to snap myself out of my memories of when everything was fine, when Nik and I were happy "Huh?"

The man nodded towards the window "Nikki, right?"

"Yeah" I answer not bothering to mask my conflicted emotions.

"He will come to you, Tommy. He'll realise sooner or later"

I laugh bitterly meeting eyes with the guitarist, but within seconds my vision was blurred with tears "Nikki won't, he won't until it's fucking killed him or about to kill him. If he died-" I said before cutting myself off, the words having caught in my throat "If he died then I couldn't do this... any of this... but I can't stay with him either and watch him slowly commit suicide- all I want is for him to get clean, is it really that unreasonable?"

"You just gotta hope, hope that Nikki see's that you only want what's best for him... actually, talking of what's best for him, so you really think that keeping River away from him like this is helping?"

"Probably not" I admit while wiping my eyes of tears "The reason I'm doing it is because I still don't know what he did when he left her alone. He won't tell me, and I can't leave him alone with her if he can't tell me... he was in such a state, bro- whatever it was it was bad.. besides, Nikki seeing River means I have to see him and I'm not quite ready for a conversation yet because it'll end in an explosive argument"

Mick nods "I understand, drummer but you gotta be careful, Nikki's in a fragile state of mind right now, just make sure this cold shoulder doesn't push him to do something even more fucking ridiculous"

Mick had a point there, then again Mick always did have a point. The three of us- which was Vince, Mick and I- we had concluded Nikki did indeed have postpartum depression- after we'd filled Vince in on as much I wanted which was the same I'd told Mick- he actually was surprisingly quite well informed on depression but then again as much as he hates to admit it Vince was kinda struggling with his mental health after Razzle so... I guess he knew in a way what Nikki was feeling.

"I'm so confused on what to do, I'm just gonna do this for now and then see what Nikki does because I don't want to talk to him and have him shrug me off and I don't want me to shrug him off either"

"Do that then, just assess the situation with him for a distance, this isn't going to be easy Tom, it won't just go away, if you don't do something soon, there's a chance Nikki might not make it into next year"

My heart physically hurt knowing that was the brutal reality of this, if I didn't do anything Nikki was gonna die and die soon but that's why I want him to come to me because I don't want to pressure him into going to rehab.

I know Nikki, and I know Nikki won't do something if he's forced into it or not 100% on board, he has to come and speak to me, I just hope he makes an effort to come to me relatively sober because I'm sorry- I'm not talking to him when he's high, he needs to prove to me he wants to change.

All I can do though is wait... and it was torturing me.

•☁️•