𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗚𝗼 𝗢𝗳 𝗠𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝗻𝗱 🤍

•𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀•

•☁️•

Nikki's POV, September 1987

Things seemed to be getting better for me, now that I've actually admitted to myself the destruction I was causing with the drugs I have been able to put myself down a good path for once.

I had meant what I said to Tommy about him watching my heroin levels- so for the last 3 weeks since that night he'd been with me every time I shot up making sure I stuck to my promise.

It was hard to stick too because the insecurities which were being numbed by the drugs are now resurfacing but I wasn't about to jeopardise the progress I've made to get my life back, I wouldn't do that to Tommy no matter how much my mind wants me to have a couple of extra hits I wasn't gonna do it.

Tommy didn't trust me 100% but I really didn't expect him too, it would take more work for the trust to come back I knew that. Our relationship is still slightly weird, we were back together- it's not like we ever really broke up- but it was like we were both hesitant around each other after we kissed that night I came clean to him nothing else's happened, no kisses no nothing, physical contact was a hit and miss as well.

Tommy still doesn't like me being on anything and I think it's the fact I'm still on heroin that's the issue here, I'm not completely off my face anymore but it's enough to still unsettle him but unfortunately until I can go to rehab this is how life is.

I missed Tommy's touch- I missed loving him and him loving me, the sexual tension between us was growing every day, it was getting pretty unbearable- yesterday I literally had to restrain myself from jumping onto him and fucking him against the wall of his dressing room.

One day, hopefully soon, one or both of us will cave because I knew I was close to giving in but I wasn't sure if Tommy wanted me too or not- I was silently praying he gave in first because I needed him, I just needed to be reminded of how much I mean to him.

Small steps. That's what we'd been taking, incredibly small steps.

In other news, I still wasn't allowed with River alone but that was more my idea than Tommy's in all honesty but I saw her every day now and seeing Tommy and River daily it helped keep my head grounded and willed me to continue on my now lower smack doses.

That's another thing, my smack doses were now down by just under a quarter what they were a couple of weeks ago, and I was only on 3 hits a day- once in the morning, on in the afternoon and one in the evening, just like it was at the beginning of the year- I was proud of myself for it- I know it's not like amazing but for me, it is an achievement if you consider how far up heroins ass I was before.

Band relationships were improved as well, the rift between Tommy and I caused a 50/50 split.

Back when Tom and I weren't talking, Vince ended out being both pissed at me and concerned at the same time but I saw more of Vince than both Mick and Tommy combined, while Tommy saw a shit load of Mick and not much of Vince but now T-Bone and I were talking again we all get along as we did before, which is mostly fine but with the odd screaming match about irrelevant shit.

So, life was starting to get back on track.

Doug had pulled me for a chat after tonight's show which is why I'm sat in my dressing room on the couch about to start listening to his ideas.