MOONDUST

13 🌙 First Letter

"Do you need some water? Something for your headache? Anything?" He whispered calmly yet the storm of worry in his eyes showed how sincere he was, or at least I hoped for it.

"A boyfriend that doesn't go around kissing other girls maybe." I could barely say it, overcome with emotions.

He slightly opened his mouth but the words weren't coming fluently, stuck in his throat which was probably pinched shut like mine. "She kissed me."

"Poor you." I heard my own voice break, just like the rest of me when something about him changed.

His hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I dropped everything for you to pick you up from the hospital. I'm being fucking honest, like you asked me to be. Dammit! I'm telling you I love you over and over yet you don't seem to want to hear it!" He said, almost begging. "I have never told anybody else before, so when I fucking tell you I love you it means something! You make me a better person Luna, don't push me away because some girl came onto me when I was just too drunk to resist... Don't forget I was drunk because of you!" His words cut into me like knifes, stabbing me in the chest, making me feel guilty about asking for his honesty, but not being able to handle it. The grip on my chin became a soft caress, his thumb brushing over my trebling lip.

I looked down, as I felt sobs preventing me to breathe, tears making my vision blurry and my thoughts consuming me with guilt. I ruined it, again. I am doing this to us. "I'm sorry..." I whimpered, uncomfortably.

"Hey, don't cry..." He whispered, holding on to both sides of my face like I was made from glass, about to shatter any second. I sure felt like it. "Please." He mouthed, bringing my face closer to his and I let him, his lips almost touching mine.

"Do you think it's fun to hear your boyfriend say he locked lips with another girl... She's probably ten times prettier too..." I whimpered once more, my voice shattering against his lips. Thoughts of him kissing some stunning girl wandered through my head and devoured all of my anger only to spit it out into a ball of guilt. If I hadn't pushed him away he wouldn't have gotten drunk, none of this would have happened. But, this isn't right, Sophia would say... I'm not supposed to feel like this, in love and heartbroken at the same time.

"She's not..." He instantly erupted my bubble of assumptions. "She's not baby. You're everything." He whispered while he pulled me further into him, his nose lovingly sliding against mine. "I promise you, it didn't mean anything. I didn't feel a single thing. I... If... I would never kiss another girl... I wouldn't make that first move."

I shook my head in his heads, my forehead falling against his as I closed my eyes. "If you're lying to me Zander... I swear I-"

"Hey, look at me... I'm not, okay." He pushed my face back a little, the look in his eyes concerned. "I wouldn't lie to you Luna. I would never cheat on you either." He said sternly, looking me right in the eye, so I could tell if he was lying. I didn't know if he was as my head said run while my heart begged to stay.

"So just a kiss?" I whispered, and I saw tears stinging his eyes once more as he nodded. "And it didn't mean anything?" My voice broke one last time.

"Not a damn thing." His voice broke just as much.

"Good." I bit my bottom lip to prevent another sob from falling off my lips.

"Are we?" He said through all of his emotions, his face scrunched in a terrified frown. "I really don't want to lose you." He held on to my face like I was about to slip through his fingers and tears fell down his cheeks.

"Zander, I don't want to lose you either." I looked at him and my hand reached out to wipe away his tear stains. "But if you're lying we're done..." I whispered, looking down.