"Ahia, just drop me off at the terminal. I'll take the tricycle from there," I instructed him weakly while massaging my temple. My head is throbbing like crazy and I have been leaning on the window of his car since we left Tagaytay. Umalis lamang ako sa pagkakasandal para magpaalam sa mga kaibigan namin na una naming hinatid sa kanilang mga bahay.
He glanced in my direction. "No. You look like you'll pass out anytime. Ihahatid na kita sa bahay mo," he insisted while shaking his head.
His voice was filled with so much conviction and I know that if I don't frustrate his anxiety from turning into complete perturbation, things will get ugly. He'll insist on staying until I become completely fine. But I can't let that happen. As much as he loves long drives, I know that he's also exhausted from sitting behind the wheel during the entire trip.
And I don't want to burden him anymore. After all, this is my fault. I know that my motion sickness acts up whenever I use my phone inside a moving car, but I still did when I saw an article online regarding the development of Yoshihiro Togashi's health. He's the creator of Hunter x Hunter and to this date, there's not much progress on his condition. He's still suffering from lumbago and there has been no improvement. This means that the manga will still be on hiatus until he feels well enough to return to work.
Ahia is a fan of that series, too, but instead of listening to me while I discuss to him what I've read, he nagged me over how obstinate I am because I still looked at my screen even when he clearly told me not to. And he was right. Because now, my head still feels like hell and I'm the one to blame.
But he doesn't have to carry the burden for me. He needs to go home and take a rest.
"It's just motion sickness. By the time I leave your car, I'll be fine," I lied. Looking at him, I added, "Don't fight me on this, Ahia. My head will just hurt if we don't stop arguing. I promise I'll text you when I get home."
I know that he's only worried about me, but he doesn't have to be. I've lived alone for four years and it's not as if this is the first time I've had this episode. I only need to buy medicine from the drug store and take it once I get home. After that, I'll only need to rest the entire day tomorrow for my body to recuperate.
He released a heavy sigh while his eyes were still fixed on the road. "You are so stubborn. You never listen to me." His voice sounded disappointed, but it was a good thing because this is a sign of his acquiescence.
"Thanks for not insisting," were my last words before we both became quiet. I leaned my head again on the window and closed my eyes.
I don't think I can last for a long time on my own because of the dizziness I'm feeling. But I'd rather torture myself to death than burden anyone.
Growing up, it was inculcated in me that I should be able to do things alone. That instead of burdening someone with my problems, I should look for solutions on my own. Relying on someone all the time was viewed as a weakness in my family. And I learned this at a very young age. Most people, during their early childhood, were taught by their parents how to read, write, and draw. If I were to hark back, I could count on one hand the number of times mother and father have been there to teach me all those. After learning how to count, memorize the alphabet, and read with phonics, I was on my own. My parents have always been busy with work. Most times, they trusted my siblings to do the work of educating me but none of them had that much patience. They were all reluctant and half-hearted, making their teachings half-assed, too. Unequivocally, I didn't learn much from that because the pedagogy they used wasn't effective for me. Well, that and their unconcealed frustration toward me caused my brain not to be receptive.
And when they all gave up, there was no fall back for me. I had no choice but to do it on my own. In school, I tried to take in as much information as I could. At home, I processed everything alone. Self-governance was something I was coerced to embrace because I had no choice.
