The Chairman's Assitant

chapter 32

Wow, now he's using his brain. Of course you pathetic prick.

I inhale sharply acting shocked, "never dare!" I spit. Maybe that was a little bit overdramatic?

When I get no response I cup his cheeks with my hands, "I'm not using you, Blake. You're the one who offered to help me but if you don't want to do that I understand,"

"No, I didn't mean that," he argues. Now ladies and gents, playing with others' emotions is an art not everyone can master but we can avoid being dumb and falling for such cheap tricks.

I walk back slowly to my seat and sigh, "I know this must be crazy but I'm doing this for the both of us. You have always complained about losing to Gabriel carter so if we get rid of Andrea he will be devastated to even think about work," I articulate.

That's not the whole reason but I need to keep Blake under control, I can't lose him especially in these times.

"I'll go now I have some work to do," he stands up and leaves after I nod with a small smile.

He'll need some time to eat the lie and that's what I don't have, I hope he starts searching for a warehouse asap.

I head to my room that's located at Blake's place and throw myself on the bed. Now how can I pass time? Maybe call Gabriel and chat a little bit, or...

I walk to my closet and grab my old camera, why not check how's the past doing?

I look at the first picture, and stay there longer than I intend, like every other time. My mom's beauty never ceases to amaze me, if such an angel was taken from this world brutally why does everyone else deserves to stay.

She used to smile all the time and as a child, I never understood where she brought all that happiness from.

We had nothing, we were poor, she used to get beaten up all the time and she had to work to provide us with food. Now I understand, faking a smile isn't that hard once you get used to it.

But I still wish and hope the ones she drew on her face when she was with me were real.

And then I got to the memories with my ex where I hated myself, every time I see him, only one thought crosses my mind. damn, I could've done so much better.

I was stupid and naive, I didn't have self-love that's why I fell deeply in love with the first person who showed me affection. A major mistake that isn't going to happen again.

then there is a lot of pics with Blake, one picture of my ex's dead body just to remind myself I'm strong enough for this world. In the end, I always keep my mom's death video.

I have watched it countless times, and every time I had a breakdown after it. It's like living the same moment over and over again with the same pain.

Nothing heals even when time passes, whoever told you that you're going to be alright after being torn down and broken is lying.

It still hurts...

And will forever hurt.

So you just have to shove your emotions away and turn them off.
You won't go anywhere if you use your heart.
      __________________________

I get a notification on my phone.

I reach for it on the nightstand, after the breakdown I had my body feels numb. Is that normal? My whole life isn't normal so it probably doesn't matter.

Blake has sent a message, an address. As I know Blake, he's still thinking about our last argument but he's too used to doing what I say that no matter if I sound unreal or how much implosive I can get he never says no.