dance for you ~fransykes~

15

We were sat under a tree together, my hands itching to touch his but my mind too scared to actually do it. It was reasonably warm, the last of the summer heat lingering in the air before the crispy cold of winter settled in. Sienna was coming soon so that we could work on our philosophy project, but she wasn't here yet so it had just been Oliver and I for a while.

I didn't know how we would act when she did arrive; like we hated each other still? Like we didn't casually kiss multiple times now? Oh god what if it's awkward....shit I've just realised I've kissed both of them! And Oliver was the reason I stopped liking Sienna too, which only adds to the tension between the tree of us. It's like we are in a love triangle, but neither of them are aware of it, or at least I hope they aren't.

"So what's with the hoodie, it's not hoodie weather yet. Is it like an insecurity thing because I know your quiet shy..." I ask, trying to make conversation. I never know what to say around him, it's like I'm the most charismatic person ever until we're together and then sucky I become a pile of socially awkward mush.

"I just like it, it's my aesthetic. I started wearing them a couple years ago and then suddenly it became my identity...I don't know I just don't feel like me without it." He shrugs. "You don't know anything about me, Joshua."

"I know you like dancing. You don't wear a hoodie when you dance, do you feel like you then?"

"When I dance I feel the most like me." He nods and smiles faintly, making me smile too like his happiness is contagious. "The hoodie is just a substitute for the rest of the time."

"So why didn't you go to a dance school instead of sixth form, then you would be happier right?" I ask thoughtfully, making him laugh quietly. I've never heard him laugh loudly before, it's always just a quite breathily sound. Most people's real laughs are loud and obnoxious, I wonder if Oliver's real laugh will be too. You know, the kind of laugh you let out when you find something so funny that you forget other people exists for a second? In that moment it's just you, and the world seems just a little bit brighter.

"Possibly." He says. "Money buys happiness though and my family lacks it. My mum try's to support my dreams but it's just not realistic."

I nod and smile at him in what I hope is a reassuring way, his perfect smile now flattered into a line. "What about your dad?"

"He's a piece of shit." He mumbles bitterly, a twang of rage filtering through his almost calm words. "Like I said, Joshua, you don't know anything about me."

"But I want to!" I whine desperately, desperate to break through this hard exterior of his and see the real him. I want to know everything about him; the bad, the good, the mundane things like his favourite colour. Everything.

We sit in silence for a few moments, not knowing what to say. He pushes his glasses up his nose, and fluffs up his fringe with one hand.

"If it makes you feel any better my mum's a piece of shit, so we're both members of the shit-parents club." I shrug, making him look over at me with big, gleaming eyes and a small pout. He smiles at me, like directly at me, and I feel my heart come to a halt for a second.

"It's a pretty awful club to be in, I think I'd rather be in the chess club and that's saying something." He smiles thoughtfully, looking into my eyes again. I laugh at his words, adoring the way his cheeks dimple at the sound. The leaves rustle above us, like the tree is laughing too.

"Yeah it does stuck....but at least we're in it together." I flirt shameless, finally gaining some of my magically-disappeared confidence back. He looks away from my face and down at the fingers sticking out of his hoodie sleeve, his fingers dance across each other like mentally he's in the studio practicing his routine. His cheeks are rosy, but I put that down to the warm ness of the air and the thickness of his hoodie rather than my subtle flirting.

"We've been here for a while...do you think Sienna's going to show up?" He asks, not playing with his hoodie sleeves instead. When he looks down his glasses fall to the edge of his noise, making him look oven cuter.

"Would it be mean to say I wish she didn't?" I whisper, leaning close to the fluffy hair that covers his ear. "I like just the two of us better."

His cheeks flare, all the way to his neck. This time I'm more than certain that it isn't the weather at play.

"I thought she was your friend." He mumbles, eyes glued to the dying glass beneath us like it is the most interesting thing ever. Shyness has suddenly taken over his whole body, his face directed anywhere but at mine.

"She is." I nod. "But I like you- like hanging out with you."

"I don't get you, Joshua. You're fucking with my head." He states quietly. I scoff, thinking of how really it's the other way around. Hot and cold. Open and closed. I can't seem to figure one thing about him out and yet I'm practically begging for him to tell me anything.

"I don't see how." I shrug, deciding it's probably not the best time to tell him how much he's been fucking with my head lately.

"You don't like me, or at least you didn't, and now you suddenly do? You're suddenly kissing me and yet it means nothing to you, ugh you just don't understand!"

"It means everything to me. Everything. Make me understand." I demand. He smiles warily, shaking his head like he doesn't believe my words. I'd give anything to make I'm see what's going on inside my head about him- well maybe not everything but you know what I mean.

"Okay." He nods, and then we're kissing. His hands are on my cheeks, and his nose is pressed against mine, and I can feel the coolness of his glasses frames against my burning cheeks. My chest feels like it's on fire, and yet we don't pull away. There's no tongue involved, or sloppiness. It's the kind of kiss couples do at the end of the alter, where you can physically see the glow of love radiate from their bodies. His lips are smooth and addictive, the kiss itself equally so. I could stay like this forever, but unfortunately the sound of shoes getting closer makes Oliver pull away.