Hard to Love

Chapter 5 - Meet Mark

Author's note: if you like my story, please vote and share! It lets me know that you enjoy book and the direction it is going. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

Enjoy!

Ping. I see Olivia's name flashing in neon on the bottom left corner of one of my four screens. Amongst all the blazing colours and charts, the IB chat is the only feature of Bloomberg that I really use. I click into it.

OLIVIA CHIN: coffee?

SIERRA VAN: yes

SIERRA VAN: on my way

It's Wednesday morning at 7:30am sharp, and I'm downstairs at the Starbucks located in the lobby of my building. I wince at the pain in my toes as I hobble over to the end of the line. I bought a new pair of heels for my internship, and they were clearly still not fully broken in. I groan, making a mental note to put a Bandaid on after. For once, I couldn't wait to get back to my desk so I could sit down.

Four medium roasts, one Eary Grey Tea, and one Americano. One egg bite. One croissant. I recite my team's orders in my head for the millionth time. Gripping my phone in one hand and my MD's credit card in the other, I crane my neck impatiently at the front of the line. It's honestly such a joke that I'm being paid what I am, just to spend the morning getting coffee for my team.

I see Olivia walk briskly in my direction and I smile.

" Hey girl, cute blazer." I give her a hug as she hops next to me in line.

"Thanks! I haven't worn this one yet this summer because it's so bright. It's from Reiss." She gives a quick twirl, showing off the blazer's sleek maroon colour.

I give an approving nod. "It's definitely not too bright. Very chic and very your colour."

"Thanks," she says flashing me a smile. "Anyway, how was Hinge? Any updates from your boy?"

I blush, thinking about the whirlwind conversation we had over the past couple days. I matched with several guys, but he was definitely a standout, both in the personality and looks department. The Tinder boy's name is Mark and he works for a small insurance firm. He has two siblings and doesn't mind having pineapple on pizza. We share stories about our travels and how he recently spent a few weeks traipsing through South East Asia. He enjoys cooking, with his specialty being spaghetti vongole, to which I exclaimed that I've never had a spaghetti that wasn't red. He's charming and funny and a little bit awkward, but in an adorable way.

After exchanging a flurry of messages over the weekend, he finally asked if I was free to grab a coffee this week. I had said yes eagerly and we agreed to meet for coffee over the weekend. We've been texting all week all week in anticipation, and I often catch myself hoping to see his name on my screen whenever I hear a notification go off on my phone.

"So?" Olivia looks at me expectantly.

"It's been going okay so far," I reply, trying to downplay what had happened. I didn't want to get my hopes up.

"Did he ask you out yet?"

"He has, actually," I mumble. "But it's just a coffee, it's not a big deal honestly."

"Ahh!" Olivia shrieks. "Oh my god, this is a huge deal! Tell me everything. When is it? Where are you guys going?"

I reel a little at her enthusiasm, but smile at how excited she is for me. It's been forever since I've gone on a date and I'm excited at the idea of spending time with Mark.

I don't remember the last time I was on a date. It was probably over a year ago. I remember using Tinder before I found out about Hinge, and spending hours deflecting vulgar messages from creepy guys. It took hours to filter for a decent guy, and we ended up going to a random coffee shop somewhere downtown. It was everything and anything that could be unnatural and fumbly on a date. We talked about the subjects we were studying in school. We compared the music of our favourite Top 40s playlists. I kept trying to force questions on him because he was so shy and the conversation was going nowhere. Even though tried to make light of the inevitable awkwardness that ensued, I was plotting the best exit strategy to get out of the date without trying to be rude. I can never understand how some people can find their soulmates on dating apps.

"He wants to go to this dessert place called Spot. Have you heard of it?"

"Nope, never have. But a coffee date! That's so cute."

A smile crawls on my face. "Yeah right? I think he's really cool."

"I want the full play-by-play after."

I grunt-laugh. "I mean, this is just a first date. So I'm just gonna take it easy and see what happens."

She grins. "There's a first for everything."

"But firsts always make me nervous." I falter a bit, fidgeting with my phone. I check to see if Mark had texted me back yet. Still nothing.

"True. But if you're weren't nervous, it means that you don't care enough."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Or it could be because I'm a confident ass woman who doesn't get nervous for first dates."

She laughs. "Which you already are! Honestly, you're one of the most confident people I know."

I smile at the compliment, trying to imagine myself as a badass boss woman. Olivia is honestly the best hype girl anyone could ask for.

"Plus, if Mark doesn't work out, there are always a hundred more out there," she adds. "New York is your playground."

In a way, she's right. New York is my playground. Just looking at sheer numbers, I could definitely find a guy in the city who met everyone standard I had for a boyfriend or future husband. But that wasn't the end goal. The end goal was to lose my virginity. To be fully intimate and physically vulnerable with another person. Finding Mr. Right seemed like a cake walk in comparison. I feel incoming butterflies whipping through my stomach at the thought.

I love that Olivia is so excited for me to do this, but at the same time, I don't want to get her hopes too high. I don't want any pressure with Mark, or any pressure in general. I already have enough on my plate. And given my track record, who knows if this could be a another bust.

Suddenly, I feel a quick buzz in my hands. Olivia eyes me eagerly as I flip my phone up to see a series of text messages light up my lock screen. Mark.

She squeals. "Oh my god, what did he say?"

I show her the text. Ahh well you'd better have good taste in food if you want me to cook for you.

"Aww he's teasing you, but in a cute way!"

I bite back a laugh. "He's going to cook for me? Oh my god, I am here for it."

"Can he get any more perfect?"

She's interrupted by another buzz from my phone. It's another text from Mark. Oh many talents eh? That's hot.

"Talents?" Olivia looks at me, amused.

"We were talking about what I do at work actually."

"Uh-huh."

I narrow my eyes. "It's a riveting conversation."

"Sounds interesting," she teases.

"Oh it is, trust me." I retort, innocently.

We finally make it tp the front of the line and quickly recite our orders to the barista. I don't even look at the total as I instinctively swipe my MD's credit card. Olivia and I head over to the pickup counter, picking up lids to put on the coffee later on. We idle by the windows as we wait for our names to be called.

"But on a more serious note, I know what you're nervous about the virginity thing and all—"

"Shhh!" I hush her forcefully, looking around alarmed to see if anyone heard.

"Sorry," she stammers. "But I just wanted to say that I understand. Like, why you're so nervous. And that's okay. I know it feels like this really big weight on your right now, but trust me when I say it's not a big deal."

Maybe not for you, but it is for me. But I don't say that out loud. I smile tersely, trying not to think about it as my eyes fall to the ground. I hear the baristas call our names in the distance, and we grab our coffees and put on the remaining lids.

💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖

Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!

Please vote, comment, and follow if you did!