Hard to Love

Chapter 2 - JP Morgan

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The downstairs cafeteria is already packed with grey suits and pencil skirts as I make my way to the salad bar. It's already Friday, and the only thing between me and the weekend is the last couple of hours of work. I mentally kick myself for coming down so late. It's only a little past past noon, but it makes a difference when I don't have to wait in line for twenty minutes just to pay for a juice and a light salad.

I'm with Olivia, my best friend in the entire world and luckily one of my few good friends here at JP Morgan. We're the only two Asian girls from my university who made it into their sales and trading rotational internship program this summer. I try not to let comments like "diversity hire" and "quota" get to me, because I know we both worked our butt off to get here. I remember staying up late at the Bloomberg lab earlier this year, grilling each other on our stock pitches to prepare for interviews, and skipping a full week of class just to fly to New York for our highly coveted Super Days. It's ironic how all the blood, sweat, and tears from landing the job ended up with us crying ourselves to sleep months later. We probably spend more time ranting to each other on the Bloomberg terminal about how much we hate our jobs, than actually doing our job. I have two more months of this internship left, but only forty more years before retirement. I grimace at the thought.

"I think I'm going to get beets instead of potatoes today," Olivia grumbles. "The potatoes look atrociously sweaty from here."

I survey the methodically organized shiny leafy greens and sweet potatoes in front of me. This is probably the healthiest thing in the cafeteria, but I'm tempted to go for anything else after having salads for lunch for 17 days straight. I spy the long line for the burger bar across the room and smell the aromatic spices of the nearby pad thai station. I almost cheat myself out of a salad just from the smell, but consciously turn away at the last moment.

"Sierra..."

"I know, I know," I chirp back. "I'm just looking, you know that."

"All I'm saying is that you're the one that's been constantly complaining about how you want to be on a diet."

Exasperated, I turn back to the veggies. The tofu and hardboiled egg look good. I haven't had tofu in forever. Plus the hardboiled egg means extra protein. That counts.

We pay for our food and head over to the canteen, juggling the hefty salad our hands as we sit down at an empty corner table. I take the lid off my salad container and pick at its contents with my chopsticks, noticing that it looks a little more kale heavy than usual. The salad guy definitely skimped on my tofu intake.

"So, update me on last night," Olivia says, taking a large sip from her pressed celergy juice

"Last night?"

"Yeah, don't be stupid. I know you went home with Oskar."

I think back to what happened the night before. It feels like everything happened so fast. Thursday night after work drinks with our coworkers. People talking about what went down at their desk this week. The double vodka shots with Olivia and Wendy after at the bar. The extra vodka cranberries with Olivia and Wendy. Oskar teasing me about my drink. Oskar asking me about how my work was this week. Laughing really hard at Oskar's jokes. Oskar buying us another round of beers.

And then later. Leaving the bar together because I said I was hungry. Wandering around West Village because we didn't know where to eat. Ending up in front of a grungy pizza place it was the only thing we could decide on. Him ordering pepperoni pizza because I said I liked it. Fighting for the last slice. The late night post-club ride home. Oskar's arms around me in the Uber. Oskar's face up close in his room. Oskar's hands on my body. Oskar's touch on my skin. Oskar's soft eyes as he looked into mine.