Little Red ✔

Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTTEEN: MY DEAR

Wasn't that how fairy tales worked? You told just enough of the terrible truth—There are cruel people. Not all parents love you. The world isn't fair by a long shot.—and you dressed it up in ogres and brave princesses and giants. Mostly, you reminded people that the evils of the world had to be fought. Even if you weren't sure you'd win. You still had to go into the monster's den. You had to face your fears. You still had to stand up to the monster. 
-Libba Bray

That night they snuck back into the castle and hid in the first empty room designed for maids to sleep in, Magician making the door look like part of the wall and the windows tinted.

"What were you raised in, a pigsty? By blind ogres, at the least." The huntsman snarled at the wolf, whose clothes are still laying shredded all over the room floor after he had shifted to sleep only to have to shift back again once he realized that he could sleep in a bed.

"I was raised by wolves."

"You are a wolf." Archer says, raising an eyebrow at his best friend -as somehow that small sentence made Huntsman even angrier.

Everyone was still on edge.

"Really?" Wolf replies, probably too smugly. "I had no clue."

"You all are dumb as hell." Snow says, hands maneuvering around her head to sharpen her black, branch like horns. If as a last resort, and if she's on the ground, she can stab someone with, well, herself.

"Your face is dumb as hell." The huntsman snaps.

"Just like your money." Archer adds. "Pointless."

"Ah, something my money and your entire life has in common."

"He looks ready to explode." The warlock says, smirking madly as they stare at the hunter.

"Well," Charm says, not quite paying attention but enough to pick out the biggest word to make an insult out of. "At least he doesn't look like he already did explode."

"H-hey!" Magician shrieks, whipping their head over to their best friend. "Rude."

Locks glowers as Snow and Wolf snicker to themselves.

"You know what? I'm gonna lighten the mood." The fairy announces, bouncing into the air to start floating around the room.

Locks groans, "Please don't."

That's all the encouragement the bard needs.

"I was bored and kinda horny, figured I'd pick up a date. Found the magician, thought we should be mates." Charm sings out, strumming her lute. "I did my dance, they did their chants. And much to our surprise, we raised an ancient fairy with three tails and scary eyes."

As if rehearsed and on cue, Magician eyes glow red and they wiggle their fingers in what they deem a creepy way.

"We poured Wolf's vodka...and asked to have some fun!"

Wolf says, "So they had an orgy. Nice."

The rest ignore him.

"But now the Eldritch knows why they call us the weird ones. We fucked an Eldritch good." Dropping her lute and using magic to keep playing it, she pulls Archer up to dance -and to annoy Locks. "We thought it would spawn unnatural horror, turns out we're just natural whores."

At this point, even Little Red had to admit that this was funny.

"We fucked an Eldritch good. No dead cats as sacrifice, the only thing fast-fighting here was...swords."