Withering petals of my hurting heart

A three-phase poem: Phase 2

Remember that bright speck of light

I told you about before

It did burn me alright

But it didn't make me sore

This time there wasn't pain

That brought me to my knees

Instead, there was this tingly feeling

That spread all over me like a disease

It dared me to feel something

That I wasn't familiar with

An emotion that was lost and forgotten

In the rubble of my broken existence

I was afraid

Wary of another heartbreak

But the brightness blinded me

And I couldn't think straight

They came running

forcing their way in

Breaking down the walls

That took ages to build

I fought and turned away

But they were persistent

And I finally caved in

Oh, what a feeling it was

To be loved and to be wanted

It was absolutely maddening

To have someone so undaunted

But this time I wasn't ready to let go

So, I clung to them

Like they were my oxygen

And I would die if they were gone

They were the sunshine

Melting away the ice from my soul

It was so foreign

But something that I couldn't deny felt impossibly good

I was beginning to feel joy

And all the other synonyms that go

Now when I laughed

It was filled with exuberance making me glow

Instead of pretense that I faked for so long

While I got busy fixing up my pieces

Unbeknownst to me, time slipped away

And In my own self-repair

I forgot

That sometimes even the brightest need some love and care

I ran to them,

To comfort and to hold

Praying and hoping that it would

Hold together all their broken bones

I didn't know whether I was enough or not

They made me feel like I was

Smiling and laughing at all my poor jokes

Never showing how much they were lost

But I saw the light fading

Slow and withdrawn

I was desperate for a solution

To save them before they were gone

So, I tried everything I could

Ran along with them in the dust

To make them feel my love

To make them realize their worth

Then the light became consistent

The relief was overwhelming

And for Once in my lifetime

I felt proud of myself

Soon I saw a shift coming

It had me twisting and writhing

Insecurity coiled around me

Hungry and hissing

I started wondering

Who am I without them?

Can I still be me if it wasn't for them?

These questions were terrifying

Fueling my already low self-esteem

And once again I was getting lost in a dark oblivion

I began to see things

Observing the little bits

I felt ignored and avoided

And my already broken heart found new ways to break

To stay or to go?

To hurt or to get hurt?

It was an inevitable battle

And the victor became the departed

So, I left

I abandoned the only love I got

Without giving reasons

And without thinking of how much hurt

I caused by my decision

Sometimes in life, you do something

Which forever haunts your soul

There is no salvation

Just a black hole that swallows you whole

I did something wrong

And I couldn't bury it

I played with time

And now I have lost the battle even before it began.