Peace Offering// Jason McCann

I peed guys..5:34 am

~mia~

Everyone went to the water I stayed behind with the kids making sand castles.. well, trying to.  I eventually gave up and just sat and watched them I took out Bambi from my bag and I played with him. Hes a goofy little one

A Goofy Goober

"why are you over here?" kelsie asked "watching the kids" I said me and kelsie both can't swim but she will always be alittle better than me at it.  Even if I did know how to swim.  It's fish in the ocean does it really look like I want one to be swimming by me?  No, exactly. "why is your cover up still on?" I looked at her with a really expression she caught on soon "dude don't even worry about that your perfectly fine" she said talking about my scars "mhm" I said she sighed and walked away "you guys want something?" I asked the kids "yeah" they all cheered "go by your parents please" I told them and watched them all go.  I grabbed Bambi and went to this pizza place thing. I ordered 2 large pizzas and like 21 drinks. An employee helped me and I thanked him since I was watching the kids. I laid down on a chair and started reading. After about 10 minutes of doing that I told the kids to go with the others again. I got up and started walking around knowing I shouldn't be walking at all. It hurts like hell but I just need to be alone right now. I  found myself still at the beach but no one was around at all.  This place was beautiful. I sat down on a rock and took off my clothes leaving me I'm my hot pink swimsuit top and black bottoms I stared at my stomach and my sides. Looking at the bruises and cuts. I sigh not wanting to cry.  I start hearing some noises and I knew it was the others I quickly got up and tried putting on my clothes but it was to late they all saw.  I kinda just looked away awkwardly and put my shirt on "what you doing" Kaitlin asked getting out her daze from looking at my body "nothing, just you know, looking" I said "imma go um  to the bathroom" I said looking at kaitlin telling her to come to. She got the message I started walking away and I made it to the bathroom and Kaitlin came in a couple minutes later. "what's wrong" Kaitlin said "everything. I need to go home." she nodded "you can take my car and I'll drive yours" I nodded I gave her my keys and she gave me hers I walked out and hugged her and made it to her car. I made it home and got in my room locked my door and cried. 

Cried for scars

Cried for alex

Cried for kelsie

Cried for myself

Cried for everything

I am a hot mess.  Just so broken.

I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Tears still on my face

I woke up and it was around 9 pm. And my stomach hurt like crap. I got in the shower for awhile and walked downstairs and saw them all on the couch watching a movie "did you guys have fun?" I asked they all said yeah I walked in the kitchen and got a rice Krispy treats and walked back upstairs and got in my bed. I closed my eyes and my door opened I knew it was Alex he got on top of me he started lifting up my shirt and he traced my scars "your body is beautiful" he kissed my scar "why can't you see that?" he said in a whisper I stroked his hair and pulled him up. "I'm working on it" I said in a whisper looking deep into his eyes. "good" he said then he kissed me.