ANIMALS [Mitch Grassi fanfiction]

20

The smell of smoke burned Mitch's nose. He has never felt this much hate and fear eating him inside.
"I thought he killed you," Mitch sobbed, burying himself deeper into Beau's sweatshirt. He was clutching into the fabric like his life depended on it. He couldn't let him go.
"No one had the chance to try, baby. It was a simple electric fire," the younger man wrinkled his forehead. "Why would you think it was him?"
"He said he was going to hurt you if I tell you anything. I love you, I'm so sorry!"

Beau pulled away, ignoring Mitch's whimper as a response. He was staring straight into his boyfriend's eyes, the green irises filled with rigidness. "Did he blackmail you?"
"I'm so sorry," Mitch repeated, not really knowing what to say.
"Don't apologize. Did he blackmail you?"
"Since the fucking beginning!"

Silence.

Neither of them had the chance to talk. A fireman stepped right beside them and informed Mitch about what just happened and what could be done. No one ever mentioned the possibility of someone purposefully setting his house on fire. It wasn't a surprise. At this point Mitch was used to his thoughts getting ignored.

However, he was secretly praying that Beau would pick the conversation back up and ask where that beginning was.

He never did.

"Let's pack some clothes for you. Remember, Scott allowed you to spend the nights at his place."
"What about you?" Mitch questioned.
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to hang out anymore. At least for a while. I've been thinking and- Since we're spending more time together, everything is so much worse. It was better while I was away. You said he blackmailed you with me. We have to take a break from each other until everything settles a little bit."
Mitch wasn't satisfied with this. Not at all.
"But I need you."
"You don't need me. You need a therapist."

It felt like a knife in the chest. No one has ever said anything like that to Mitch. He stumbled backwards as he tried to take a step in order to make some more distance between them. The hurt was written all over his face. He wanted to scream at Beau but he said nothing.

"I didn't mean like that-" It seemed like the younger man just realized what he has said. His eyes widened.
"Doesn't matter," Mitch mumbled. His vision was blurry, his heart was racing. Was he going to pass out? Out of nowhere Austin was standing by his side, tightly holding his arm in order to protect him from falling. His eyes were full of concern.
"Are you going to stay in the city?" he asked instead of Mitch.
Beau nodded. "Of course. I wasn't going to leave him. He just needs a little bit of distraction."

***

It was Austin who helped Mitch pack his suitcase. Half of his clothes were destroyed by the fire. Austin knew that Mitch wasn't being paranoid by thinking that the fire was set by his stalker. And he cared about his clothes as much as Mitch did.

Austin was the one to take Mitch to Scott's place. It was already dark outside and Mitch didn't really feel like stepping into the cold air from the comforting space of his friend's car but he didn't complain. Scott helped him taking his luggage inside while he told Austin goodbye.

He hasn't really been eating all day. He only noticed how weak he felt while sitting at the dinner table and he hid his face into his palms. Even though Beau didn't break up with him technically, he was heartbroken and absolutely exhausted.

Scott was quieter than usually as if he didn't know what to say or how to comfort Mitch. Scott had actually no clue how to handle Mitch anymore.

While Mitch was munching on a sandwich, Scott made a cup of tea for him. Lavender and melissa. It was quite thoughtful of him to try to calm Mitch down but at this point Xanax wasn't really working either. Nothing felt better after the herbs.

Scott showed him the guest room that was already organized for him to feel more comfortable and he looked really reluctant to leave him alone. Mitch didn't really want to be left alone either. Despite these, none of them said out loud how they felt so Scott returned to Mark. At least Mitch could finally take a shower.

***

"I'm so fucking worried," Scott whispered, emptily staring at the wall. "I really don't know how much he can take. I don't wanna lose him. What if he's never going to be the same anymore?"
Mark was silently sitting on the edge of the bed. He wished he could say something encouraging but he has seen Mitch- At this point neither of them understood what was going on exactly. Beau mentioned them the trespassing part of the story and that the police was involved and it was really concerning but it only seemed like a small part of the problem.
"I feel like we're going to lose him," Scott continued. He felt grief even before the time has arrived.

It was around midnight. Scott and Mark were both tired but neither of them felt the usual safety of their home enough to sleep. They didn't have fears for themselves: Scott felt distressed by dragging Mark into the situation, Mark was worried for Scott's mental health and they both felt terrified and helpless because they couldn't help Mitch.

Mark snuggled closer to Scott and wrapped him into a hug. Scott buried his face into Mark's shoulder for some comfort, he closed his eyes and breathed the scent of his boyfriend. He pulled him closer and held him stronger. Mark's fingers softly wandered up on his back. Love was such a beautiful thing. It gave some faint light even in the darkest times.

Scott jerked his head up suddenly. No, the muffled screaming wasn't only in his imagination. Mark was looking at him, his eyes widen, filled with fear. Scott jumped up and ran into the guest room as fast as his legs were able to take him.

He pushed the door open and was greeted by Mitch tangled in the blanket, his face pale as a ghost, fighting against something that only existed in his imagination. Scott sat down on the bed without hesitation and attempted to shake him awake.
"Mitch? Mitchy, it's just a nightmare, darling-"
Mitch completely freaked out. His eyes shot open as he pulled away from the touch. He clearly didn't recognize Scott at first. The baritone tried to soothe him by talking but it was already too late. Mitch gasped out for air, pure terror written all over his face and body. For a minute as long as eternity Scott couldn't decide if he was actually choking or if it was the panic messing with his brain.

There was a wrinkled piece of paper on the floor.

'How do you sleep through the night?
Where do you go when you hide?'

Scott couldn't take his eyes off the letters.

'It's the way I wait
It's the you've changed'

Was that some kind of lyrics? He forced himself to concentrate on Mitch. After a while his brain processed Scott's presence. But even if it did, Mitch wasn't willing to give Scott an opportunity to touch him. He pulled away. It hurt Scott to see him crying and not being able to comfort him anymore. He tried to take his mind off the dream instead. Scott picked up the paper and showed it to Mitch.
"Did you write this?"
Mitch reluctantly nodded. There were lines on the other side, too.

'And I like the way you hurt inside
Always waiting for the worst to get me by
And I like the way you hurt
Does it really come, does it really come as a surprise?'

Scott bit his lip. It certainly wasn't Mitch's handwriting.

'From all the years that went by
Through all of your shit I've survived
You would have thought I had died but I made it out alive
How do you sleep through the night?'

And the rest of the night passed in the same manner. Scott couldn't leave Mitch's side. He never did, living with him Mitch never needed to handle panic attacks on his own. Some things won't chance even after Scott finding Mark and moving in with him.

Scott felt so sad for letting their friendship slipping out of his fingertips.