ANIMALS [Mitch Grassi fanfiction]

15

When Mitch woke up next morning, Beau wasn't in the bed anymore. The clock showed 10 a.m. It took a while until he was finally able to climb out of the bed and he didn't even know why. They both fell asleep before midnight, there was more than enough time to get some rest.

This time he purposefully started the day with a Xanax and took a long time in the bathroom. This was probably the slowest morning routine he ever managed to do on a free day. Beau was waiting downstairs and Mitch was avoiding meeting him as long as he could.

The younger boy seemingly didn't notice anything. He lovingly hugged Mitch as usually and made him some breakfast. They were sitting in the front of each other by the kitchen table, which made Mitch feel even more uncomfortable than he already was. His stomach was completely full after a few bites of the sandwich but he didn't want to be impolite and leave it. When he finally managed to finish the food and stood up to put his plate into the dishwasher, he felt arms around his waist, pulling him into another hug.
"Do you want to talk about yesterday?" Beau asked quietly.
"Why?" It was stupid, Mitch didn't even know why he asked back.
"You seem like you're pretty bothered."
Mitch sighed. "It was nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"I swear. It was nothing. Sorry for yelling at you."

Beau took a breath and Mitch immediately knew that the day was already fucked up. He wasn't going to leave it that easily.
"So nothing about the letters? No weird stalker?"
Mitch's breath hitched. He was trapped. He could either tell everything and risk something horrible to happen or deny it, risking that Beau will be insanely mad at him. He was silent for way too long time. His boyfriend stepped away to get a better look at Mitch's face.
"Well? Darling, I'm just trying to help. It doesn't work if you're not talking."
There was a time when Mitch was talking. His heart sunk into his stomach. Maybe if he would've tried better back then-
"Mitch... Were you lying to me?" Beau never looked that disappointed and hurt before. It made Mitch's heart shutter.
"What?! No! I never lied to you!" And damn, he raised his voice again. "The only thing I said is that those letters didn't matter! What part of it you don't understand?"
"Why are you so offensive? I genuinely don't get you." Beau ran his fingers though his hair. He stepped back to lean to the counter, uncomfortably far away from Mitch and crossed his arms.

Neither of them said a word. Mitch knew that if he wasn't cooperating in getting things clear, he could easily ruin everything between them. Beau didn't like when he tried to keep secrets and acted strange, he has learned this already. The younger man was pushing his boundaries with trying to stay calm and endlessly supportive.

"Well," Beau pushed himself away from the counter. "I guess there's nothing left to say then. I'll be in the living room." And with that he left. Mitch stayed alone in the kitchen, staring after him.

***

Mitch took a long time to clean the kitchen. It didn't even need to be organized but following Beau immediately would've been awkward and he needed some time alone. He was grateful for taking a Xanax right in the morning because now he could save at least a bit of his sanity.

Then he went to the living room with a book. Beau was on his phone, probably chatting with someone. He looked up, sitting on the couch just when Mitch walked in but when he realized that his boyfriend wasn't going to choose the place on the couch next to him, he simply turned back to his phone. Mitch snuggled into the armchair, pulling his legs up. He tried to focus on the words in the book but his mind was fuzzy and he couldn't put a sentence together.

Beau noticed it. Of course he did. He sent secret looks into Mitch's direction, reading his expression. He saw him furrowing his eyebrows, chewing his lips, pulling his shoulders up and saw how tensed his body was overall. He sighed. "Babe, come over here!"
Mitch stared at him for long moments before closing the book and slowly getting up. For some reason he felt very insecure. He sat down by Beau but purposefully left some place between them.

Beau let out a small breath and moved closer to his boyfriend. He softly pulled Mitch into his arms and held him, making sure that the other man slowly feels more relaxed. Mitch closed his eyes, enjoying as Beau's hand drew small, rhythmic circles on his back. They sat like this for long minutes, silently. It was Beau who broke the moment.
"I love you, you know."
Mitch hummed as a response.
"I love you and that's why I say that this can't be continued," Beau added, causing Mitch to sit up properly. Beau didn't let it, he pulled Mitch back to his chest. "Listen, baby- You need someone who is able to help you. You don't need to talk to me if you're not comfortable with it but you definitely should find a good therapist that you like and trust."
"No!" Mitch's eyes widen. That was a horrible idea. He couldn't talk to a stranger about all of this going on.
"Darling, can you please listen for a minute-"
"No!" Mitch repeated himself, raising his voice.
"But could you please just-"
"No! No, no no!" If Mitch involved the police, he was going to die. Or Beau. Someone. And talking to a therapist would mean involving the police because Mitch was horrible in hiding and keeping things inside. The fear was gripping his body with all of its strength, his breaths were shallow. "I can't- I'm not crazy, Beau! I swear I'm not- I'm not crazy," he mumbled, maybe trying to convince himself, too.
"I know that you're not, baby... Oh my God, no one thinks that you are crazy. We all know that you're not." Beau sat up straight, staring down at Mitch but still holding him close to his chest. He had no idea what to say. And seeing the wild despair in Mitch's eyes, he didn't even know what was right to do. Maybe it was too early to bring up the topic. He gave up for a while as his number one goal became to calm his boyfriend who was literally shaking in his arms. Beau swallowed back the tears.

***

The day passed with this weird darkness surrounding them. Mitch didn't talk much, Beau didn't know how to ease the bad vibes.

They were ready for bed and Mitch was shouting yet again. Apparently Beau did or said something wrong because Mitch was out of his mind, bringing up things that happened a lot long time ago and they've already discussed them. It took everything for Beau to bite on his tongue and not to reply in the heat of the moment.
"Could you please take a deep breath and rethink what you really want to say?" He asked instead. It was gasoline on fire.

Beau inhaled deeply, clenching his teeth. Was it actually worth it? Yes, he loved his boyfriend with all his heart and soul but damn, they were both adults. Why was it allowed to Mitch to act so offensive? Beau was trying to help him, he didn't deserve any of his words. It was enough. It was too much.
"Okay!" he snapped, causing Mitch to stop in surprise. "So what do you want? Just tell me!" But before Mitch could start again, he raised his hand. "You wanna keep a break? You wanna break up? I'm all ears for a solution because now seemingly all you can do is to blame me for no fucking reason."

It did something to Mitch. His whole body language changed within a moment. "I'm sorry-"
"No, don't apologize. Just tell me what you want because this... Is going to break us." Beau knew that he was right, even if saying these out loud was tearing him apart. He wanted a solution that didn't include losing Mitch but so far nothing worked. Beau sat down on the bed, his elbows on his knees and looked up at the shocked Mitch, waiting. He lost all his energy to fight. "So? What do you want?"
"I think-" Mitch bit his under lip. "I think that-"

But he couldn't finish the sentence. A loud thud from downstairs caused them both staring at the bedroom door. Beau jumped up, sending a small look towards his boyfriend. He was looking like a deer in the headlights, shockingly pale.

Another thud came and Beau was already looking for something big and heavy to grab. If he needed to protect Mitch, he was on it with all his effort. Mitch let out a small whimper. He was on the edge of a panic attack, Beau noticed. He cussed under his breath.
"Sweetheart, nothing's wrong, I promise," he whispered but it wasn't too convincing. "I'm going to check what this noise was, okay? I'll be back in a minute." His heart was literally throbbing in his throat and he felt like his legs were about to give up but there was no way he was going to let any stranger close to Mitch in his own home.
"Are you crazy?! Don't leave!" Mitch whined. He literally looked like he was going to pass out and that was the last thing Beau needed in that moment. Okay, then a plan B... Mitch didn't keep a damn key for his bedroom door since he was living alone. He desperately needed to figure something.

Downstairs everything was silent now. Did the noise come from outside then? No, it obviously didn't. Or?

Another thud.

Someone was inside. Definitely.