BEHIND THE SCENES

chapter 105: i'm in trouble

I'm in deep trouble.

I think... I like him.

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Jungkook's breath hitched.

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I don't know. I used to report everything about him to Chungha sunbae-nim so regularly, but when she called me this morning, I found myself hiding things from her. I'm like... 90% sure he isn't dating Jennie-ssi at this point but somehow, I want to shield him. I don't want Chungha sunbae-nim to find out, I don't want Hoseok sunbae-nim to find out, I... I want his secret to be safe.

Seeing him do what he does, I know how much he loves his job. He always puts 200% into everything he does and honestly, it's hard not to smile and root for him whenever he succeeds. He's not the same guy I thought he was a month back. He's a good guy. I'd never want to ruin anything he currently has.

The only question problem now is why couldn't I stop smiling when I realised they couldn't really be a thing...? I must be going crazy.

I really think I'm falling for him.

He makes me want to give up everything.

I'm really in deep trouble this time.

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Jungkook's heart was racing at this point. He believed the most part that he read, with a little bit of doubt weaved in between. But the more he read, the more he wanted to read. It was addictive, getting to relieve all their moments together but this time, from her perspective.

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5th July 2020

He's so good, I don't deserve him. For someone like me, all I can do is to live each day, day by day. And today, I'm grateful he stood up for me. Even if everyone turns their backs against me, as long as he doesn't... I think that's good enough for me.

I was thinking of leaving before my feelings get too strong... but I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay for his sake. I don't even know what I'm doing at this point, but I'm going to do what my heart tells me. I like him, I like what I'm doing now, what more is there to ask for? I have been selfish all this while, please just let me be selfish one more time.

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Jungkook deduced that this diary entry was on the day they had a shoot and Jieun was out of sorts. Thinking back, it was indeed. No wonder she was acting so out of character that day... She was wrestling with her own thoughts all this while, and Jungkook didn't know.

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9th July

Finally mustered up the courage to tell bujang-nim about my decision to quit today. He told me to think about it some more. I said no - I have already been thinking about it for a long time now. But I couldn't reject him, somehow. He has been nothing but nice to me from the start till now.

Will all this... be worth it? Am I really doing the right thing? Another hurdle I need to cross is when I tell JK about my story... I can't be hiding everything from him forever, can I?

- - -

So she did have the intention to tell him herself, like what she had claimed.

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13th July

He confessed. I'm so so happy I'll never be able to describe this feeling with words, but I'm also conflicted. Why am I so conflicted? Why do I feel like something awful is going to happen? I'm really doing the right thing, am I?