Attack On Titan X-Readers

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again (Levi X Reader)

~A/N: Please Listen As You Read! www.youtube.com/watch?v=74S7EM… ~

     Chilly, bitter wind sifted in through the agape window, swirling about the stuffy and barren room, slightly unwelcome and yet inviting as it allowed the fresh oxygen to flow about and give it a sweet, clean, and pure atmosphere. Laying sprawled across the mattress, a shiver ran up your spine with discomfort as you let a content sigh slip past your lips. Eyes trailing over to the susceptible window, you watched the delicate frosty crystals pattern the inky black sky, trickling slowly to the Earth below. Their features, although meager, were cherub, angelic, all silently beckoning for you to reach out and allow them to melt across the warmth of your palm.

     A smile played across your lips as you sat up from your limp position on the bed, bright hues sparkling with delight at the icy flakes sticking against the windowsill, even coming so far as to follow the wind inside your stifling room. Nostalgia washed over your anemic and weakened figure as your bare feet brushed against the crisp surface of the flooring, and you pushed yourself off the bed. He always made it seem as if he hated this season, with everything frozen over, desolate, dead. Yet you knew he secretly enjoyed it, even if it be the miniature ideas about it.

     Thinking of him hurt so much.

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
Knowing we must say goodbye . . .

     Oh how dearly and dreadfully you longed for his presence to simply exist again, even if the physical form wasn't solid, the transparent thought of him being by your side sent delighted thoughts to meld in your mind. How would it feel, to once again loose yourself in the depths of his ashen silver hues, to try so hard and at the same time, use little to no effort to read his complex emotions? Exactly how rapidly would your heart beat as his warm breaths feathered delicately off your features when he dared himself to close the space between your lone-filled and yearning forms for affectionate comfort? How would you feel if he once again encompassed your trembling and frightened form into his strong embrace, reassuring you that all would be alright if you simply had hope and believed in yourself as well as him?

     Knowing, and reminding yourself every waking moment that he was indeed gone from your life, was a hassle greater than any other. To turn and expect him bestowing you with a stoic gaze filled to the brim with clandestine emotions too powerful for words. To think of something witty to say, and imagine his exact snarky response. To get out of the habit of supposing he'd be beside you sleeping soundlessly when you awoke with the bright amber sunlight in your eyes. To stop believing he'd one day magically reappear and claim all was just a mishap, that he's be sure to stay for the rest of his days hand-in-hand with you.

     What did you miss the most about the mysterious man who had somehow found a way to get under your skin, to take a large part of your heart and soul? Possibly his way of loving, in silent observance. He'd savor each and every moment with silence as he sketched it into his mind, he'd touch you gently and delicately, remembering the exact contours of your visage and the unique texture of how your lashes brushed against his, or even how your hands moved when you spoke. All you could wish for in the world, and your only longing was the ability to say goodbye.

Try to forgive, teach me to live!
Give me the strength to try!

     Lips quivering with your muddled thoughts, your hands gripped the windowsill harshly until your knuckles whitened, and warm salty water droplets began staining the soft skin of your cheeks. The snowflakes filtering in from the bitter outside kissed your skin in an almost comforting and consoling manner, as if it were trying to force your tears to dissipate by themselves. A quivering breath blew past your lips, the heated air misting into the wintry night before dissolving.

     "Help me, please, Levi," you whispered, hanging your head as water droplets dappled the dark wood of the windowsill. "Teach me to live without you by my side. Give me the power you had to continue, even if it's to try I'll know that at least I attempted it. Please, help me leave behind all this darkness." Your lips pinched together as you tightly shut your eyes, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

     Almost as if it were on cue, a strip of sunlight broke through the dark bleakness of the muggy clouds, shining directly over the spot where your heart beat slowly. A sense of tranquility overcame your figure as you stared at the glimmering amber light, how the snowflakes dripping around never came into contact with its warmth, simply fluttered out of the way before brushing against it. The soft heat of the sun remained on your blouse as it faded away, replaced once again by the warmhearted, caring, and sympathetic snowflakes that ghosted over your cheeks and hands before flitting away with a mischievous slyness.

     A shaken sigh passed your lips as you gazed above to the grey-tinted sky, somehow peaceful despite its dull hue. "Alright, Levi. I'll do it. I can do it."

No more memories, no more silent tears!
No more gazing across the wasted years!
...Help me say goodbye...
...Help me say goodbye...