Agent Rogue: Espionage

Chapter 6

Since Derek's night-shifts in the office started, Scotty had managed to assemble a range of excuses that had him sleeping over, including him wanting to watch TV, or try out a takeaway without paying the full price. When I caught onto his idea and refused his self-invitation one night last September, he unlocked the door with his own key and claimed to be struggling with sleeping after watching a horror movie. I stopped arguing against the company after that, and accepted the weekly nights in knowing he came over to stop me from feeling alone.

          He swallowed, orange sauce coating his bottom lip. "This chicken is bloody beautiful."
I nodded, letting out a groan at the sight of my empty bowl. "They didn't even ask for the address, you know? I spoke on the phone and they just knew who it was."
Scotty almost choked. "We've finally become regulars. I've never had so much stability in my life before."

          He dumped the plate on the coffee table, getting a scowl from me as I picked it up, along with my own dishes, and took them to the kitchen sink.

          Scotty shouted over the rushing water as I scrubbed the dishes. "Do you still have that bottle of rosé in the cupboard?" He already had two beers with his dinner while I refused one.
My mouth tingled, watering with nausea. "I threw it away."
His jaw dropped. "Why?"
"The last time I drank wine, I ended up unconscious. And not in a good way."
His gaze dropped. "Oh. Sorry, I never thought about that."
"It's okay." I winced at the boiling water and switched off the tap. "But I do have gin if you feel like—"
"Get the gin. Now."

          Holding back a laugh, I poured two in the rounded glasses Collins had bought me for my last birthday. I tried opposing the gift, telling him they had cost more money than I was worth, especially since I rarely drank at home, but he would not have any arguments about it. Scotty had a stern warning not to break them as I handed over the drink.

          He accepted it with thanks and sunk into the cushions. I pulled the grey blanket over my knees and watched the thoughts crossing his mind, unable to decipher the conflict within them.

          "What's wrong?" I asked him.
He tapped the glass. "Just thinking."
"About?"
He sighed as I took a sip of gin: lemon and elderflower. "About Rose."
Chest hollowing, I put down the icy glass. "Oh. What—What are you thinking about specifically?"
He swirled the liquid. "How she fooled all of us. I know you didn't trust her at first, but we all grew to like her – even you. She was kind, and charming, and so unexpectedly funny that I—" His voice broke. "She was just too perfect, wasn't she? Who was I to think someone like her would care about someone like me?"
"Don't you dare say that."
"But it's true! I'm not like the men women fall for – I'm not even like the ones I'm friends with. I'm not athletic, or rich, or good-looking. I'm just... me."
"And that's enough. More than enough."
"But it doesn't feel like that."
I lowered my brows. "If someone makes you feel like you're not good enough, then they are the ones who aren't good enough for you. Please don't change for anyone."
"I know, but—" He sighed. "I've just had no luck. You have Barnes, Collins and Davis – if they opened their damn eyes – have each other, and then there's just me. I'm no-one's first—Oh, it doesn't matter."

          He was no-one's first choice.

          "What brought this on?"
"Being in Siberia earlier this week. For a year, with everything going on after the attack – Barnes's injury, our reinstatement – I was distracted from it all. I've kept myself busy with modifying Tracey but when we set off to find you, it all just came back and I remembered her. Vividly. And, shamefully, I didn't think of the horrible things she's done first. I thought of our pub dates, her song-like laugh, her hair that used to smell like flowers all the time. Then I remembered what she's done. She killed Rick Goldsmith, she poisoned you, she worked alongside Marcus just to enact revenge, then kidnapped Jade and, by extension, Gabby. And in the process, she... she hurt me without even lifting a finger. Without even caring."

          From Anna to Rose, I could not name a single girlfriend that hadn't broken his heart. Anna may have been the one to cut through it, but Rose managed to shatter it to shards, leaving it near-impossible to mend.

          The fact that it all linked back to Marcus – back to me—made me sick.

          "I'm so sorry, Scotty. For everything, I really, truly am."
"Please stop apologising to me," he said. "It's an awful situation, and my mind's a scary mess lately, but I would go through hell and back if it meant that I still kept you as a best friend."
I smiled sadly. "Thank you for talking to me."
He laughed, picking up the TV remote. "You know me. I love hearing the sound of my own voice." The remote tapped as he flicked through the channels. "Empire Strikes Back?"
"Again?"
"Again."

          He smacked the button and the opening credits rolled, the sound making us jump. We had watched the same episode during our last night-in together, but it was his favourite. If that was what he wanted, I was prepared to sit through a hundred hours if it meant the constant ticking of his mind focussed on something other than the horrible things that had happened to him in recent years.

          If I could have taken that pain away, I would have done it in a heartbeat, but all we had was each other so, for now, it had to be enough.

***

Yellow morning light streamed in through the gaps in the curtains as I woke, my mind thankfully free from nightmares for the third time this week, giving hope they were starting to ease again. It was still early, not even six yet as I spotted on the wall clock, and Derek sat in one of the breakfast bar stools, elbows on the counter with his head in his hands.

          He often finished at this time, returning home almost an hour later. "You're back."

          He straightened up, voice tired with sleep but he had not chosen to go to bed yet. "Been back for half an hour. I didn't want to wake you."

          I frowned. The gin must have really knocked me out if I had not heard the door unlock. It had certainly done that to Scotty, whose limbs sprawled so far on and off the sofa that I had been pushed far into the corner closest to the windows.

          Derek was contemplating his words, knuckles drumming on the countertop.

          I hushed my voice, mindful of the sleeping Scotty. "What is it?"
He cleared his throat. "We made progress tonight."
I raised my brows. "And?"
His lips twitched into an exhausted but relieved smile. "We've found Sienna."

QOTD: Okay, so who wants to give Scotty a hug?