Little Journeys

Lights of the living (chapter 1)

"Why do I keep doing this to myself?" I groan shaking my head.

I could just stay up here forever, away from all of those people living their meaningless lives down there. I look down at the silhouettes of buildings and at the shining lights of those buildings residents. There was barely anything to distinguish between the artificial lights and the lights of the stars that twinkled above them. Both shone in the dark of the night but one was of the living and one was of the dead but sometimes it was hard to tell which was which. I breathe in the slightly chilled air, it was still humid but the dark of the hills away from the town meant it felt fresh. I've been coming to the same spot for as long as I've been able to drive. No one besides the odd couple seeking somewhere private to go or hiker knew this trail. This was my refuge away from everything. When I needed time to myself to think I could just jump into the car and come up here. When I first came across it I was actually driving away from my life. I wasn't disadvantaged in my life. I had parents who as far as I knew loved me and a roof over my head. It was just trying to figure out who you really are isn't that easy around people you don't particularly trust. I trusted my mom and dad but my brother wasn't somebody I was about to confide in anytime soon. His constant snide remarks and put downs in front of my family and friends really takes it out of you after 18 years. He had always wanted to be the favourite child and he wanted everyone to know what a failure I was. So coming up here away from everything was the only thing that helped. This place is my sanctuary. The silence can't reply back but unfortunately my own mind could.

"You are so stupid Sam" I whisper to myself.

I pull my legs up and hold my arms around them holding my head down on my knees and I begin rocking eventually succumbing to the tears and the rocking begins to turn to sobs. This is what I didn't want anyone to see. To see how weak I really was, to prove my brother right. The image I put on for my family, friends and teachers is all they will ever see. The only thing they ever see is the arrogant bravado that had given me a reputation amongst my friends. They'd never see who I really was. The heart I actually carry and the heart the hurts every time my brother calls me names... every time he calls me a slut. The heart that ached every time I saw Ivy at my house or walking down the road away from me. The heart that had so much love to give but was hardened to such perfection that no one knew it existed.

I lift my head up sniffling before attempting to wipe my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt. Perhaps it would be better if I kept up those barriers, then I wouldn't feel the anguish I felt now.

Back to my original question 'why do I keep doing this to myself?' There was only one answer that I knew was true. Her name is Ivy Matthews. Ivy Matthews my brothers best friend and our neighbour who I have known my entire life. For as long as I can remember I've looked up to her and as I grew older so did my feelings. The worst or best thing depending on how you looked at it is that she is always hanging around with my brother. She was there when I got home, there at the same parties I went to and even there at family gatherings. So I've come here to escape. Next thing I know she'll end up appearing here and I'll then have nowhere to escape to. I couldn't ever imagine Ivy here at my spot. It will remain hidden until someone special who I can trust with it comes into my life. Though I could never imagine finding anyone that special anyway. Someone to spend every breathing moment with and to share all my secrets with. I might as well have a dozen cats on order now for when I grow old and lonely. I chuckle to myself. I'm sure I look and sound crazy laughing away by myself in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps I was crazy. You'd have to be to fall for your brother's straight best friend. Not to mention the same person my brother has being trying to ask out forever. What is it with Ivy Matthews that us Reynolds fall so much for. Perhaps it was that perky smile or the glint in her eye she gets when she's becomes passionate about something. Or her generosity or her loving relationship with her family and little sister or just how beautiful she is.... My thoughts diverge as I attempt to remember why I came up here in the first place. That's right to escape the dramas of the real world...

[Authors note: I hope you're enjoying it so far. Remember that you can read the entire sequel on page 'Little words' and remember if you're enjoying it please vote, comment and share :)]