The Peace in the Storm

Chapter nine - When it hurt, it hurt to the core.

With that River took a step back, shock taking over his features, what River didn't know was that I was always going to return it was just a matter of when. The when was decided when we first laid eyes on each other but I said what I said, I drove myself here so I will drive myself back. The time to go home had arrived and there was no question about it.

"You can, however, give me a ride back to a friends," I proposed with a sweet smile.

And he did even though it was reluctant but after I swore, I would come back home today he let me go. Just as predicted Pedro was worried about where I ran off to and said so with very few words but I felt the weight behind each word. I spilled everything out to him and he just nodded and when I told him I was going back today all he said was 'okay' I mean I wasn't expecting an heartfelt 'I'll miss you' but something along those lines would have been nice.

"I think that's the last of it,"

" Visit me more," Pedro opened his arms out for me.

"Only if you visit me, Northridge is cool." I grinned into the hug. "I'm sure Harry would like seeing you again."

The drive back was nerve racking only because knew what was waiting for me as soon as I get back to the flat. I could see them now Harry, Leila, mum and even River all sat in the living room waiting scratch that praying anxiously for my arrival. The thing that was bothering me was what could I say to them? Nothing I could say is justifiable to my actions and I knew running away was a childish reaction to Amalia and Liam's baby news. Then I would have to explain why I never contacted them to at least let them know I was fine.

"AMAKA," Arms engulfed me, suffocating me with their warmth.

"Hey guys..." I managed to get out and pulled away from their embrace.

I took the chance to get a good look at them, as predicted mum and Leila were here all teary eyed, along with a relieved Harry and River. What did surprise me was seeing my brothers and my father here as well, however, my father was annoyed rather than relieved. Mum coddled me making sure I was okay; she searched my body to find anything that would say otherwise and once she deemed me okay, she sat me down and fed me jollof rice. For next hour and so I was five again, being fed, washed and put into fresh warm clothes before I was able to join everyone again.

"Are you sure we shouldn't go to the hospital?" Mum said for the tenth time. "Just to make sure inside you're okay?"

"Yes, mum I'm fine, I promise." I replied getting irritated by the second, I just wanted to go to bed.

"Do not blame your mother for being so worried, she's worried herself sick because of you," My father begun as he got up. "I'm grateful that I was blessed with other daughters because you are the greatest disappointment, a disgrace we unfortunately decided to keep."

"Emmanuel,"

"Dad,"

And there it was, the bitter words I was waiting for, would he even be my dad if he didn't insult me every chance he got? I chuckled to myself as I watched him leave, grateful that he left after that, I don't understand why he bothered to come if he thought so low of me but I knew that was just my mum's work. River held an unreadable expression; it was one thing not being his fan but it's another thing when he witnesses a deep family dispute for the second time and probably knows about my evil past. As for Harry and Leila, it should be standard for them yet their frowns showcase the pity they held for me, I hated it.

"I'm going to my room," I announced to those that were left. "Don't bother me unless you're Leila."

Without waiting for a reply or rather not bothering to hear for one I took myself to my room and fell onto the bed face down. My throat itched and m eyes stung but I pushed the urge away and simply inhaled and exhaled the white lotus scent that my bed emitted. It soon became a game of how long until actual oxygen was needed, it was flawed game as there was no means of timing myself. After the third round I gave up and at the exact moment Leila entered my room, she had answered my call.

She looked drained, the bun on the top her head looked like it's been there for days, bags had also developed under her eye and a few spots emerged on her forehead. She sighed heavily but made no effort to move closer to me or at least to sit down, her eyes drooped as she just stared at me the usual glimmer dimmed. She looked away briefly, a moment to herself, assumingly to calm herself down, it was clear that she was more than just disappointed. She was hurt.

"I'm sorry Lei," I begun but was quickly cut off by her scoff.

"Two assignments I've failed since you left," She turned and stare in dead in the eye. "Two assignments down the drain because all I've done is worry about you."

She paused and took two steps closer to me as if to make sure I was listening to her; she folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. Her glare pierced the side of my face, I was unable to look at her and see the hurt I've caused but she made it hard. I forced myself to take interest on the wall I faced, there was nothing special expect the fact that it was painted a dark white grey. It was meant to have a calming effect because I heard that grey was meant to represent balance yet I was no where near instead it added to the dulling mood.

"I thought the next we'll see you overdosed on a hospital bed," She continued. "You know, a worse version of last time but that's not what hurts most, what hurts is calling you a best friend."

My heart shattered. "You are my best friend Lei."

"Really? I would have thought it was Pedro, seeing that you love to run to him."

Her bottom lip trembled but she held her stoic stance and I couldn't help but plead without saying a word. However, it was clear as day how she felt and I prayed that the earth to swallow me up and take me to a dark hole. She left soon after and if that interaction didn't tell me to fix the fuck up I don't know what would, I laid back on my bed and curled myself into a ball and laid there as tears were set free.

I remembered back to when I told myself that it was time for a change and my dumb moping around should be stopped. I'm pushing away those who love me tirelessly after saying I would only move forward yet I'm back where I started moving backwards. Why is it so hard to let go of the past? I want to blame Amelia being back but I was the reason she left in the first place. I want to blame my parents for having me in the first place, then no one would have to deal and the baggage I carried and caused. The sound of thunder struck followed by the damning drops of rain that increased by the second taking me into a slumber I hoped not to wake up from.

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