You Better Bring an Umbrella, Vol. 2

Chapter 20: Trauma Under the Influence

"What?" Vanya scoffed, trying to dismiss the thought.

"Eww," Allison gagged. Klaus immediately whipped around and stared at her with wide eyes, a new opportunity discovered.

"Oh! 'Oh, eww! Eww!' Please, Miss 'Luther was my lover'." I nearly choked on my own spit, laughing hysterically at Klaus' callout. Finally, someone else in the family saw the weirdness with that situation!

"We have never even kissed," Allison shot back, trying to quell Klaus before he got the train moving. But there was no way in hell was I about to let this go.

"Yeah, but you were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and that," Klaus taunted, one of his hips jutting out. I'd completely lost control of my laughter at this point, but compared to Allison and Luther, there wasn't room to judge that.

"Aren't we all brothers and sisters, or...?" Vanya pointed out, spinning her chair around as Allison collapsed down, gripping the neck of her bottle for dear life. Klaus snorted and leaned down, joining me in my uproarious laughter.

"Well... technically..." Allison stuttered.

"'Technically'?" I interjected. "If you have to word... if you have to use the word 'technically', you're already in trouble." I shouldn't have opened my mouth. The moment I reprimanded Allison, Klaus jumped on his opportunity, not even missing a beat.

"Oh, please! You have no room to talk, missy." He pointed down at me, smirking. I felt a hot shame start to creep over me as my sisters cast their eyes in my direction, realizing it could only be one of them. "Did Five not imply, back at the Superstar, that you once had a crush on our lovely Vanya?"

I pushed myself all the way up out of my chair, teetering slightly at the sudden movement as I attempted to get my bearings enough to stand up straight. Allison's cackling across from me only made the room spin more, but I refused to go down like this.

"In my defense!" I practically screamed. "Dad never really explained to Five and I that all of us were supposed to be related. He just—told us that he and I were related. I thought the rest-rest of you were just, like... other people that happened to live there or some shit. It wasn't until we were, like, eight that he actually called Vanya my sister, and the crush immediately died there." Feeling as though I'd talked myself out of the hole, I attempted to curtsey, but it ended in me falling against Klaus.

"Okay, can... can we focus?" Allison spoke up, drawing our attentions back to her. "I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try to save my marriage." I jumped back and crashed into the chair behind me as Klaus poured more alcohol into his flask, filling it to the point that some of the golden liquid started to spill over.

"Oh, shit. Sorry, sir," I apologized, patting the piece of furniture in the hopes he'd forgive me.

"No!" Klaus whined. "No, because that's like... that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg." I turned to Vanya, an eyebrow raised, unsure as to where exactly Klaus was going with this... especially considering the fact we'd just been talking about our brothers and sisters. "I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?" I instinctively shot my hands up in surrender as he pointed at me. "Who had a girlfriend that used to be a mental patient for, what, eight hours before she banished her?"

"Okay, you weren't there," I defended. "First of all, she's not crazy. She's just lying about something. And besides, we're not broken up yet, we're just... fighting... from a distance." It didn't sound right, now that I'd said it out loud.