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SMS Transcript: Part 11 - 3:48pm

> Is there a point to this?

> Yes. So Luke nervously entered the hut and closed the door behind him. Stood in front of him leaning against a wall was a huge golden mirror, and as Luke approached it boomed; 'Speak your question, and it shall be answered!' So Luke asked. 'Mirror mirror on the wall, am I still the bravest of them all?' After a short pause the mirror boomed back. 'Yes Luke, you are still the bravest of them all!' Now guess who went in next David?

> I honestly dont give a flying shit!!

> Of course you do, it's Star Wars. After seeing Luke come out of the hut with a grin from ear to ear. Obi-Wan Kenobi went excitedly inside and asked the mirror if he was still the wisest of them all. As before there was a short pause before the mirror answered, and when it did, it boomed. 'Yes Obi-Wan Kenobi you are still the wisest of them all!' Naturally Obi-Wan Kenobi went skipping with glee out of the hut. And so it was finally the turn of Darth Vader...

> Please just get on with it!

> Well, like Luke and Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader goes into the hut looking for confirmation of his prowess. So crossing his fingers behind his back he asks the mirror; 'Mirror mirror on the wall, please say I'm still the most evil and heartless of them all?' And like before there was a pause before the mirror answered...

> Ok twatface I'll play along, what did the mirror say?

> Well, Luke and Obi-Wan Kenobi were waiting anxiously outside when suddenly Darth Vader burst out of the hut sobbing like a three-year-old! 'What's the matter?' asked Luke and Obi-Wan together. Darth Vader did not respond directly, instead he fell dramatically to his knees, raised his fists to the sky and screamed; 'WHO THE HELL IS DAVID PILKINGTON?'

> Your a funny fucker arent you!! I got a joke for you... Knock Knock!

> Excellent. (Smiley Face). Who's there?

> FUCK OFF!!!

> That doesn't make sense? Surely if you were the one answering the door your punch-line would apply?

> OK... Knock Knock!

> Who's there?

> STILL FUCK OFF!!

> You're such a child David.

> WTF! Ok whats this pic message about? Whats that?

> Isn't it obvious? It's a photograph of a tow truck.

> Yes I know twat, whats it pulling??

> Oh, I'm sorry David. I'll send you another photograph from a different angle. Please give me a minute.

> YOU LEAVE MY CAR ALONE OK! That my property you cunt!!!

> I despise that word with a passion David. It is a crude, vile and unnecessary word that cuts through the very heart of our beautiful language like a chainsaw wielding madman. It has no place in civilized conversation. Therefore as I write this one of my friends will be offering you a physical reminder that although I have put up with your dirty mouth so far, the use of that word will not be tolerated.

******

> How's your potty mouth now David?

> Three thugs on one guy, very brave of you!! Look you bitch, enuf is enuf! That my car ok, what you doing with it??

> You forgot to mention all your Star Wars memorabilia in the boot. The Ferrari has a small boot, but I managed to squeeze most of your toys in. (Smiley Face).

> WHAT! Why are you doing this? Havn't you got enuf already today!

> Oh dear. You've forgotten, haven't you David?

> Fuck me, now what?

> Earlier on the train shortly after your outburst I told you that your actions had changed the rules of my game!

> Yea &?

> And so originally I was only going to make a few expensive dents on your precious sports car to ruffle your feathers! However, since I had warned you about rule braking and you proceeded to ignore said warning you changed my original plans, and now your vehicle along with your Star Wars toys (minus the lightstick for my nephew) will be taken to a scrap yard where all will be crushed. (Smiley Face).

> Ok you ball busting bitch! I'll give another £100,000 to millies charity ok! Think of all the extra kids that will help! That car is one of a kind ok! Don't be a complete dick. You'v had plenty of fun with me today, so theres no need to do that, please ok!!

> I will think about it. The time is now 16:21. Please could you put Divad's costume back on (including the head piece) and make your way back to the boat with my friends, and text me once you are onboard.

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